drainedwife

Isnt is my responsiblity as a parent, to keep my kids safe...including safe from a parent who is using an illegal substance? Shouldn't htis be above all else the number one priority? My ah is an adult and he is not protecting his kids like he should be. (by bringing illegal drugs into our house, and using while the kids are home)
As a parent, arent I being neglectful if i continue to let this behavior go on? After all, they cannot protect themselves, they need me to protect them and look after their best interests.
The hardest thing for me is even proving it in my own mind...for instance last night...i could have sworn i had smelled cocaine on my husband after he had come downstairs. (i have smelt it before..someone told me it cmes out of yur pores). so i was sure he had used, but for my own sanity (maybe not) I checked his office..which also smelled, and i found arolled up dollar bill which had s tiny bit of white powder on it. Well, from this "evidence" i drew the conclusion he was using. But then he went to sleep at a pretty normal hour. if he had just used a few hours befoer, i was certain he would be able to go to sleep. Anyhow, he had just filled a prescription for some non-addicting sleep aide from his addiction dr. I was wondering if that could help someone sleep even if they had used coke that day.
I know i am drinving myself crazy with all of this...i guess i am trying to justify in my mind, that he is still using and i need to file for divorce..after over a year of this, ive had enough...
any advise?????

parentrecovers

i agree, as a parent and a person you have the responsibility and the choice to keep YOURSELF and your children safe. blessings, k

cece1960

Hi Drained wife.
I do believe it is our responsibility to keep our kids safe from the use and the effects (even secondary effects) of drug use.
But to be honest, you don't have to justify why you are concerned.
You want a "normal" home to raise a healthy, happy family. That is your right as a mom, and as a person.
If you've had enough (the sluething, the evidence the wondering etc etc) thats enough to say "enough".
Perhaps if you're not sure, separating would be a good first step, to allow you to step away long enough to make good rational decisions.
I wish you the best...I know its hard.
((((Hugs)))
Cece

hope213

quit chasing it.if he is using you will find out soon enough.i understand you wanting to keep your children safe.set your boundries, & stick to them.take care of you & your kids.prayers, hope

oneeyeopen

Imagine how things are going to be if the police show up at the door and they find the drugs your husband has been using. Are they going to believe that you are an innocent bystander???

unfortunately in this situation we are all in, we have to think about our own safety and out kids safety before anything else. The addict can worry about himself. If he was driving the kids around with no seat belts would you not say anything? think about how we childproof our homes when we have small kids, it is the same thing -- keep the potential dangers out of their way, that includes drugs!!!

Lovestoomuch

I agree with everyone else. It's definitely your responsibility to keep your kids as safe as you can and if that means asking your ah to leave then you do what you have to.

Just because he went to bed at a normal time doesn't mean he hasn't been using. My exabf used to smoke pot to help him come down or level out the cocaine high. Remember.......addicts are very resourceful.

cinderellawkids

Legally its your responsibilty to keep them safe and away from people that use substances.
This is something Ive struggled with for a long time.
Honestly in the state of Florida, if you know, even suspect the state expects you to get your kids out of the environment. I was told by an attorney with DCF that even if they dont use in the house but you know they use if the state finds out they can and generally will investigate you also and possibly put teh kids in protective custody. Generally by leaving and staying gone you get the kids back if teh addict is gone, but there are grey areas to everything and that is something I fear facing.

That being said, many kids live in homes with drugs and abusers, not all are stopped but its a game of russian roulette and I think all kids are effected even if only by your stress. Mine sure have been effected.

GiveLove

drained,

I'm sorry, but I agree with everybody else.

It's your responsibility and your sacred duty to protect your kids (and yourself, but especially your kids, who don't have a choice in this matter)

I was raised by addicted parents; all the madness, all the neglect, all the risk. I would have been so grateful if EITHER of them had ever bothered to ask the question you just asked: don't I have a responsibility to protect my child?

They never bothered. And it took me two decades of suffering and self-hatred to recover from it all.

Do what you can do to protect them, and protect you, from this life. It's NOTHING like the life you deserve, which is waiting for you out there.

Love,
GiveLove

dollydo

Your children are your priorty...period.

Life is difficult enough for children without subjecting them to living in a home with an addict. No child deserves this.

Lia

Yes


In Florida, you could be charged criminally if you even suspect the other parent is abusing drugs and you do not remove the children from the situation. If you don't know how, call the cops. DCF can and will remove the kids from your care.

As the non-addicted parent, your responsibility is to the needs of your children first and foremost.

After discovering my addict spouse was using crack on our property I told him if he ever used it again, or I even suspected, he was OUT. I kicked his ass out 2 weeks later when I saw repeated cell phone calls to his dealer. Was that proof? Proof enough for me. Was it easy? It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I love my husband.

Just FYI, kids talk, and I don't know how or who, but 7 months after he was no longer even living in our home, maybe it was a teacher, one of my kids friends parents, but I got a call from DCF saying that there were allegations that my husband used drugs in our home. Once I proved that he no longer lived in the home and visitation was supervised, they closed the investigation.

teke

i agree with the others, its your responsibility to protect the kids as well as yourself. the kids can get taken he is ever caught with drugs in the house, you can use the house, the car and you can end up in jail yourself. maybe its time to set some boundaries around using around you and the kids and be prepared to stick to them. keeping all of you in my prayers