how the meeting went......three days left in rehab
 

friends,

I asked previously for advice on an upcoming meeting with my AS who is finishing up a six month rehab. I thought some of you might like a short recap........my dh and I went last Sunday. We had called in advance (a six hour drive) to make sure the director would be there if any mediation was needed. I have only seen my son once in six months so this was the second visit. He looked tan and healthy as this is a hard working boot camp, which practices the 12 steps. It is a self sufficient farm and everyone pulls their own weight. My son has worked with a surveyor, and a beekkeeper, he also worked on a blueberry farm..........so he has not experienced the County Club rehab life. We went down that road a year ago and got no results.........so , I digress.........pardon me..... once the meeting began the director told my son if he stole anything from dh's office, farm or warehouse he would be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Son said he understood that. We told him that I had control over his trust fund to pay for things regarding his family's needs. He was also told once this was gone that was it. He has always said he would willingly look for work but dh and I felt that it might keep the tension down with the wife if she knew they would not be behind on bills while he sought work. We told him at the first sign of relapse we would definitely tell his wife whether it meant his marriage or not. We would no longer hide anything. She, in return, is going to tell us if she sees anything amiss. Before he divided us and the wife. Now he knows strong communication is in effect. We asked about random drug testing. The director said, what for? You'll know before long that he is not clean. I guess our response was that he hid it so well before. Anyway, that is off the table for now. We also informed him we will be going to Al-Anon.
He , in turn, already has an AA sponsor. He did apologize to us for the first time ever, which we could not believe our ears.
So.......we go to get him Thursday. Our plan is to talk to him with his wife present once we get home. We do not plan to call them but give them their space to work on things. However, I have solicited a promise from the wife that she will email me every three days. I asked this ofher because when he went on his binge and almost died no one called me......not even her. She emailed a mutual friend and he emailed me. That is how I found out and for some time it caused a strain between us.....so that is why I requested this consideration. Well........that's what is happening in my neck of the woods......... any thoughts?.dixie

It sounds like you are doing all you can to take care of yourselves and help your daughter in law. I'm happy to hear that he sounds committed in his recovery. I'm also really glad to hear that you are attending Alanon - that face to face support is wonderful.

I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers. Hugs

thanks for the encouragement. I went to Al- Anon tonight and we discussed the slogans and how they help. One thing I came away with is that one should remember to say a prayer of gratitude to God as well as ask for His guidance. I am very grateful that He has given my son this second opportunity. My son's wife is giving him another chance to have a home, he has a home to come to when he finishes his treatment. Many do not have these things in place. He already has a sponsor which is a good sign. So yes, I am grateful for the kindness that has been shown to me, my son and our family. Thank you for your support and I do want others to know that there is always hope. fondly, dixie

Your post sounds so encouraging!....

It seems you have many boundaries covered...

I know exactly what you mean re: gratitude over a second chance

my RAS also got another chance (and it wasn't just his second!)
he got into a program (long term also) that has saved his life so far...
not every addict gets the opportunity to try again in a safe, nuturing environment (again, no country club lifestyle...good clean hard work and a safe bed at night)

I am praying that your son (and mine) take this opportunity and use it to turn their lives around

wishing you,your son & your family the best. i hope your a.s. will work his recovery.just remember it is his recovery.i am glad to hear you are all working together & are not going to hide it if he screws up. saying a prayer for you all.

dixied, your son has been given an opportunity to turn his life around - i'm praying he is ready to do just that. meanwhile, stay strong and take care of yourself. blessings, k