Need help with resistence to ALANON
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: miami
Posts: 3
Sticking with Al-Anon
I have been an active member in Al-Anon for 20 years. I, too, did not come in to recovery feeling desperate, broken, sick, suffering from a disease etc.
But when I thought about it more, I saw that at the very least, I had been deeply affected by someone else's disease. That was enough to make me want to heal the ways that I had been affected.
I go to therapy and I think that Al-Anon works best when people also work on their problems with a therapist. Our Al-Anon literature says that our program is compatible with therapy. I dont look on our program as a substitute for therapy for those who need it. But I also love Al-Anon and I think it adds a dimension that therapy cannot give me
I really would recommend the Al-Anon saying:
"Take what you like and leave the rest". I will never find an Al-Anon meeting that is perfect, but I will always find something of value, and that keeps me
coming back for recovery from the affects of my parents alcoholism.
But when I thought about it more, I saw that at the very least, I had been deeply affected by someone else's disease. That was enough to make me want to heal the ways that I had been affected.
I go to therapy and I think that Al-Anon works best when people also work on their problems with a therapist. Our Al-Anon literature says that our program is compatible with therapy. I dont look on our program as a substitute for therapy for those who need it. But I also love Al-Anon and I think it adds a dimension that therapy cannot give me
I really would recommend the Al-Anon saying:
"Take what you like and leave the rest". I will never find an Al-Anon meeting that is perfect, but I will always find something of value, and that keeps me
coming back for recovery from the affects of my parents alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
I have attended Al-Anon periodically for years. When I became involved with someone who was not alcoholic, but an IV drug user, who relapsed, I felt that I NEEDED to try Nar-Anon. It is a better fit.
I never felt broken, I never felt like I was so desperate when I walked through those doors the first time, I just wanted to fit something into my life that I thought would be good and beneficial, positive. And it certainly is. Who would argue with the notion that going to a person whom you have hurt and making amends for your action, is a bad thing? No one. Who would take issue with the idea that you are not all-knowing and there is something (God, nature, the group of people themselves at a meeting) that may know more than you, that may be more "powerful", or that if you turn to that Power, it can help you to be made well. And made "well"? But are we sick?
I had a huge problem when my ex-husband went into treatment years ago and was told he had a "disease". Yeah, right, it's just a way of not taking responsibility. But I looked up that word in the dictionary and found it to be derived from dis and ease. (duh)
Made some sense. Part of the definition is an incorrectly functioning system of the body resulting from the effect of .... environmental factors. Yep, that definitely going on. And the antonyms are health and cure.
This is how this concept makes sense to me.
One more thing: one of the things I benefit from as being a member of al-anon, is the larger (huge) community. The friendships that can develop, people that UNDERSTAND the condition like no one else, and also the ways I have learned to function in the world by using the principles (steps) have changed who I am. For the better.
I never felt broken, I never felt like I was so desperate when I walked through those doors the first time, I just wanted to fit something into my life that I thought would be good and beneficial, positive. And it certainly is. Who would argue with the notion that going to a person whom you have hurt and making amends for your action, is a bad thing? No one. Who would take issue with the idea that you are not all-knowing and there is something (God, nature, the group of people themselves at a meeting) that may know more than you, that may be more "powerful", or that if you turn to that Power, it can help you to be made well. And made "well"? But are we sick?
I had a huge problem when my ex-husband went into treatment years ago and was told he had a "disease". Yeah, right, it's just a way of not taking responsibility. But I looked up that word in the dictionary and found it to be derived from dis and ease. (duh)
Made some sense. Part of the definition is an incorrectly functioning system of the body resulting from the effect of .... environmental factors. Yep, that definitely going on. And the antonyms are health and cure.
This is how this concept makes sense to me.
One more thing: one of the things I benefit from as being a member of al-anon, is the larger (huge) community. The friendships that can develop, people that UNDERSTAND the condition like no one else, and also the ways I have learned to function in the world by using the principles (steps) have changed who I am. For the better.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 26
Lala:
I went to my first Alanon meeting 12 years ago, when my son was 6 mos old. I was obsessed with my husband and nuts that he was not clean and sober, now that we had a baby. I constantly tried to figure out where he was and I would call the bars at all times. It is far to say that his dis ease/illness of addiction/alcoholism rippled out and affected me.
I did not like Alanon at the start because I went to get the book, to read the chapter, to get the secret on how to get him to stop. The "let Go and Let G-d" attitude rubbed me raw. G-d was not part of my life. I wanted answers.
Fast forward. My son is now 13. I am divorced and in love with a guy who is a ch and alcoholic. I have changed in the 13 years. I know understand what I am feeling and thinking. I still go into obsessive/compulsive mode when my bf picks up and "abandons" me.
Your post is about Alanon. Alanon is a great organization. If the group you are attending is too ritualized for you and if you cannot separate the personalities from the message, maybe you could find a different group. THere are also on line groups that are great.
I am not pushing Alanon. I am sharing my experience that it has certainly helped me. The most important aspect of the Alanon program for me is that the people understand, and I am not judged. If there were a Naranon program in my little town, I would go, but there is none.
NC Girl
I went to my first Alanon meeting 12 years ago, when my son was 6 mos old. I was obsessed with my husband and nuts that he was not clean and sober, now that we had a baby. I constantly tried to figure out where he was and I would call the bars at all times. It is far to say that his dis ease/illness of addiction/alcoholism rippled out and affected me.
I did not like Alanon at the start because I went to get the book, to read the chapter, to get the secret on how to get him to stop. The "let Go and Let G-d" attitude rubbed me raw. G-d was not part of my life. I wanted answers.
Fast forward. My son is now 13. I am divorced and in love with a guy who is a ch and alcoholic. I have changed in the 13 years. I know understand what I am feeling and thinking. I still go into obsessive/compulsive mode when my bf picks up and "abandons" me.
Your post is about Alanon. Alanon is a great organization. If the group you are attending is too ritualized for you and if you cannot separate the personalities from the message, maybe you could find a different group. THere are also on line groups that are great.
I am not pushing Alanon. I am sharing my experience that it has certainly helped me. The most important aspect of the Alanon program for me is that the people understand, and I am not judged. If there were a Naranon program in my little town, I would go, but there is none.
NC Girl
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
One thing I like about going to meetings is seeing how the people in the room look. They look so nicely dress, or hard working, or loving, or at peace... THEY LOOK NORMAL... but wait, I share a bond with them. When all this chaos is running though my head. I feel like a complete mess, I feel like I look like a complete mess, ugly... But how can all these people look so normal.... I look normal to them... we share a common bond, and it makes me feel I am not the only one that feels so un-normal.
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