keeping this secret
 

I know we have talked about this before, but I was wondering --

How many of you keep this forum a secret?

How much of a secret -- have you even mentioned that you go on a forum and post?

I have never told the abf about my posting on here. I know how he is -- his curiosity would lead him to figure out where i post, and what my name is, and then he would go over everything I have ever written. he would be mad about me talking about him because I am sure he would think that there are people who would be able to figure out who he is...Like anyone really would go to that effort -- or even needs to, everyone knows he is an addcit.

BUT, having said that, there are times when I want to tell him since I hate keeping something important secret, and there are times when I want to tell him something I learned about myself and addiction via posting and reading here, and I think these things might help the situation but I don't say anything so that he never figures out about it...

anyhow, I was just curious how other people deal with this site.

My AH knows that I have a forum, but he does not know any details about the site, or my name. It's pointless for him to know. This is my recovery over here and if he knew, he would do just what you described and I don't need any more of his snooping or manipulation.

my daughter knows i come here .she posted a time or two. i wish she would come & read & recover.we are very close & it would not bother me if she read what i wrote about my a.s. she understands how i feel & she is glad i am here.she knows this place has saved my sanity. my husband knows i come.he is happy. he misses me tho when i stay & stay in the office. nobody else knows, & my daughter or my husband would never say a word.

My husband knows I am here, but feels some jealousy over the time I spend with you all... so he doesn't read.

I don't hide what I type, and there have been times, he has read over my shoulder. But this isn't how he deals with our addicted relatives, and he can't put faces to screen names, so it seems very 2 dimensional to him.

In many ways, that IS a relief to me. I like that I don't have to explain or have him worry (he thinks the internet is one big dark parking lot...smile). I certainly understand those who have needed to go incognito... there is a place for privacy.

I have told my recovering addict son I post here, but not my name. He is glad I have a place to talk.

I do sometimes recommend this board to ppl I encounter on a completely unrelated board, in PM only, and only when I suspect they may have addiction issues in their life.

My ABF knows there is a place I go on the computer to try to make sense of this crazy life and to try to get help for me, and for us. He doesn't know exactly where and he hasn't read what I write. To me it's easier to express myself if he isn't over my shoulder.

At first he was upset. I started using words like codependent and detachment and the hair stood up on the back of his neck. He said to watch out for internet people and addicts because they would try to manipulate me ..... I wasn't quite sure if he had looked in the mirror lately, because he's the best at manipulation that I've ever met ... and because of that, I'm quite schooled on the topic.

Anyway, one night when he was having a particularly difficult time, I had him see what these types of forums are all about. He found one that he posts to for heroin addicts and now he understands that this is part of our recovery and sometimes it's the life link we need to get to the next day.

For now, it's my private therapy. He likes me to read what he writes and the responses he gets, but he doesn't ask to read mine. It works for us.

My husband and most of my friends know I come here, but they don't know where "here" is. This is my safe place where I can share anything I feel, think or dream and I am selective about earthlings with whom I share those things.

Selfish? Nope, I did my work to get here and so can they. :D

well, my rah is also a member, though he don't come here as much as before, i don't think. he started out snooping and i've posted the same thing as you, but i decided to share sr with him. i think that he didn't exactly get want he signed on for and kind of decided that he didn't have to bother.

he have read over my shoulders too, i decided that i had nothing to hide in my post and whatever i post here is either what i need to post for me even though, sometimes he may be the topic of my post but still its about my feelings and i do have a right to those