Language of Letting Go - April 20
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - April 20
Deadlines
I don't know whether I want in or out of this relationship. I've been struggling with it for months now. It's not appropriate to let it hang indefinitely. I will give myself two months to make a decision.
--Anonymous
I've had this unsolved problem hanging over my head for six months now. I'm confused. I'm not certain what to do. I'm going to give myself one month to come up with a solution.
--Anonymous
Sometimes, it helps to set a deadline.
This can be true when we face unsolved problems, are struggling with a tough decision, have been sitting on the fence for a while, or have been floundering in confusion about a particular issue for a time.
That does not mean a deadline is written in stone. It means that we are establishing a time frame to help ourselves not feel so helpless and to help bring a solution into focus. Setting deadlines can free our energy to set the problem or issue aside, to let go, and allow the Universe, our Higher Power, and ourselves to begin to move toward a solution.
We don't always need to tell people we've got a deadline. Sometimes, it's better to be silent, or else they may feel we are trying to control them and may rebel against our deadline. Sometimes, it is appropriate to share our deadlines with others.
Deadlines are primarily a tool to help ourselves. They need to be reasonable and appropriate to each individual situation. Used properly, deadlines can be a beneficial tool to help us get through difficult problems and situations without feeling trapped and helpless. They can help us let go of worrying and obsessing, so we can focus our energies in more constructive directions. Setting a deadline can help move us out of that uncomfortable spot of feeling victimized by a person or a problem we can't solve.
Deadlines can help us detach and move forward.
Today, I will consider whether a deadline might be helpful in some areas in my life. I claim Divine Wisdom and Guidance in setting appropriate deadlines for any problems or relationship issues that may be lingering.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
I don't know whether I want in or out of this relationship. I've been struggling with it for months now. It's not appropriate to let it hang indefinitely. I will give myself two months to make a decision.
--Anonymous
I've had this unsolved problem hanging over my head for six months now. I'm confused. I'm not certain what to do. I'm going to give myself one month to come up with a solution.
--Anonymous
Sometimes, it helps to set a deadline.
This can be true when we face unsolved problems, are struggling with a tough decision, have been sitting on the fence for a while, or have been floundering in confusion about a particular issue for a time.
That does not mean a deadline is written in stone. It means that we are establishing a time frame to help ourselves not feel so helpless and to help bring a solution into focus. Setting deadlines can free our energy to set the problem or issue aside, to let go, and allow the Universe, our Higher Power, and ourselves to begin to move toward a solution.
We don't always need to tell people we've got a deadline. Sometimes, it's better to be silent, or else they may feel we are trying to control them and may rebel against our deadline. Sometimes, it is appropriate to share our deadlines with others.
Deadlines are primarily a tool to help ourselves. They need to be reasonable and appropriate to each individual situation. Used properly, deadlines can be a beneficial tool to help us get through difficult problems and situations without feeling trapped and helpless. They can help us let go of worrying and obsessing, so we can focus our energies in more constructive directions. Setting a deadline can help move us out of that uncomfortable spot of feeling victimized by a person or a problem we can't solve.
Deadlines can help us detach and move forward.
Today, I will consider whether a deadline might be helpful in some areas in my life. I claim Divine Wisdom and Guidance in setting appropriate deadlines for any problems or relationship issues that may be lingering.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
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Posts: 1,018
Thanks, Ann, for these daily bits of inspiration.
It certainly helped me to set a deadline, and to come up with a plan to get ready for it. After being with EXAH since 1979, my mind and spirit were quite foggy a lot of the time.
Learning to act instead of REact was not an easy lesson. It took several unsuccessful attempts at leaving my abusive marriage, and learning the hard way what to expect from him, before I figured out that I needed to be able to stand on my own two feet and take care of us. Because no matter how he quacks about 'loving his family', he will do everything in his power to manipulate me financially into deciding I can't make it without him.
Because of setting a deadline and laying down a plan, his manipulation is not working this time.
It certainly helped me to set a deadline, and to come up with a plan to get ready for it. After being with EXAH since 1979, my mind and spirit were quite foggy a lot of the time.
Learning to act instead of REact was not an easy lesson. It took several unsuccessful attempts at leaving my abusive marriage, and learning the hard way what to expect from him, before I figured out that I needed to be able to stand on my own two feet and take care of us. Because no matter how he quacks about 'loving his family', he will do everything in his power to manipulate me financially into deciding I can't make it without him.
Because of setting a deadline and laying down a plan, his manipulation is not working this time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jacksonville, florida
Posts: 341
funny you should bring this up...
I was just thinking about this yesterday. That maybe I should set a deadline, because how long do i have to remain in an unhealthy relationship that makes me very unhappy? And the longer I stay, the longer it is affecting my kids.
My ah has been using now for about 4 years, probably longer. When I frist found out, I dont think I fully understood drug addiction. Also, I was in denial, and afraid to say something to him. It all came out about a yr. and a half ago, when i found evidence that he may be having an affair.
So its basically been a yr. and a half of much more negatives than positives in our lives. I am carrying alot of anger with me also. The fact that he doesnt respect my boundaries, and also the "affair" ..which he never admitted to. And mostly, iall of the lies and how he would lie to me and tell me "You're crazy" or call me a "wierdo" for making a big deal about it.
We went last Sat. to a therapist who is certified in addiction. I am hoping he will continue to go, and maybe she will get through to him...because he is no where near admitting he has an addiction and is not going to seek help for it any time soon, if ever. I had posted before that he said he would "never in a million years" go to an outpatient program or 12-step. There are other options, whcih he said he would do last year (smart recovery) which he never followed through with..(surprise, surprise).
So, i do think i need a deadline....now here my problem with decision making comes into play.....when should the deadline be?? a few months, 6 months, a year???
My ah has been using now for about 4 years, probably longer. When I frist found out, I dont think I fully understood drug addiction. Also, I was in denial, and afraid to say something to him. It all came out about a yr. and a half ago, when i found evidence that he may be having an affair.
So its basically been a yr. and a half of much more negatives than positives in our lives. I am carrying alot of anger with me also. The fact that he doesnt respect my boundaries, and also the "affair" ..which he never admitted to. And mostly, iall of the lies and how he would lie to me and tell me "You're crazy" or call me a "wierdo" for making a big deal about it.
We went last Sat. to a therapist who is certified in addiction. I am hoping he will continue to go, and maybe she will get through to him...because he is no where near admitting he has an addiction and is not going to seek help for it any time soon, if ever. I had posted before that he said he would "never in a million years" go to an outpatient program or 12-step. There are other options, whcih he said he would do last year (smart recovery) which he never followed through with..(surprise, surprise).
So, i do think i need a deadline....now here my problem with decision making comes into play.....when should the deadline be?? a few months, 6 months, a year???
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