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Don't appreciate being quoted on Crackreality forum

Old 04-18-2007, 09:32 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Lia
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Originally Posted by joesentme View Post
Talk about bashing others! Sheese! What a HYPOCRITE you are!
Heck no, I don't "Want What YOU Have!
Don't worry Joe, I, and probably many others will pray for Ann, no maybe about it.
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Old 04-18-2007, 09:37 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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You know, I have always really loved the suggested closing from Al Anon that is read at most of my face to face meetings:

In closing, I would like to say that the opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them.Take what you liked and leave the rest.The things you heard were spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Keep them within the “walls” of this room and the confines of your mind.

A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long;Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help.You will come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened.We aren’t perfect. The welcome we give you may not show the warmth we have in our hearts for you. After awhile, you’ll discover that though you may not like all of us, you’ll love us in a very special way – the same way we already love you.

Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there be no gossip or criticism of one another. Instead, let the understanding, love and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time.

Wow. Good stuff!

~Cat
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Old 04-18-2007, 09:38 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Lia

Your list will get long.
The style of support used there is not welcomed here.
Your list could end up being a good 90% of the people who are members here that would agree that a gentle compassionate delivery is better.
May be the same message or maybe not but I have found you get more flies with honey then you do vinegar.
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Old 04-18-2007, 09:43 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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It's unfortunate controversy is continuing here.
When dealing with addicted loved ones people have every right to live and do as they feel helps them and others like them who suffer from the pain and devestation.

All addicts have a disease and are deserving of compassion. This does not mean any one has to allow or accept unacceptable behaviors.

I say live and let live. There are always personalities, differences and opinions, however it's part of our unity to place the principles of Naranon and Alanon before all else. Enough! We are not here to take any other's personal inventory or that of any group.
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Old 04-18-2007, 09:45 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by frankie_b View Post
We are not here to take any other's personal inventory or that of any group.
Amen Frankie!! I have had enough trouble taking my own personal inventory.........but I'm still working on it.
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Old 04-18-2007, 09:55 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I went and read the forum post you are talking about-I would not be happy if someone did this to me--but it looks like it has been removed.
My son was addicted to crack at 15-I did everything humanly possible to help him-he was young-When I found out just how far he would go to get the crack--I won't even say it here--I had him sectioned into the psych unit-and sent him to a 3 month lock down rehab. He DID kick the crack-and was grateful towards me told me ''I saved his life" I listened to my heart-fought hard to help him.
the down side now is he is an alcoholic and 27 and IN RECOVERY...I warned him not to drink but he didn't have a problem until he was about 21.....they do what they want. He has put himself and me through so much pain--I sure hope it sticks this time.
You guys have a nice forum here--very peaceful and open minded.

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Old 04-19-2007, 01:38 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Blackrose2756 View Post
Just saw it. When did we say that we can "love" the addict into sobriety? And some of us are following the "no contact" rule. And a lot of us are no longer with our addicts. However, if you look at their posting rules, she violated her own rules. I also left a group on another site who INSISTED I dump my addict. And they don't allow for the other side of the story. What are they afraid of??

Sorry, I had another bad experience lately with another group where I could NOT disagree. Just gave me a bad taste in my mouth. As they say in meetings "take what you like & leave the rest" & that is what I try to do. I got what I could from other groups & I get what I need hear. I had to move past the rage & anger towards someone who I believe is sick.

By the way, did you see the nickname of the poster??? Tells you something.

Lynne


lmao, uh yea....
~~~~~~~~~~



Marle~Don't worry about it.

That's why Our board is so great,
"We" are all here.



The day we go "Quote Hunting"
to other boards for things to talk
about or posts to make is the day
I hope they close this place down.



~WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT~












AT THE END OF THE DAY,
ALL THAT MATTERS IS IF
YOU CAN LOOK AT YOURSELF
IN THE MIRROR AT THE END OF THE DAY...
OR DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES...
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Old 04-19-2007, 01:44 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Didnt read every single post here, but I can assure you, a crack addict can get clean, recover, stay clean, and live a productive life. I'm living proof.
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Old 04-19-2007, 04:34 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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This is my first post here. I'm not very familiar with this site but I've been a member at Crackreality for over three years now. The discussions taking place at both sites of course mirrors the familiar dynamic of realist vs. dreamer; thinking with the head vs. thinking with the heart; people are inherently bad vs. institutions make people bad; conservative vs. liberal.

In my case, I have become increasingly conservative in many ways as I've gotten older. This can be said of my experience with crack addicts also. I used to think that the people I met could change, that I should look past their faults and encourage them or help them. I admit that most of the addicts I knew were pretty unsavory characters and that they were derelict in the extreme, but they were all at one time at the beginning or middle stages of their addiction too - trying to live in two worlds at once.

I'm sure there are people at both boards who have been dragged through the ringer and beaten down to the ground by their addict's behavior. From the stories that I've read at CR, I think it's understandable that people are bitter, and even hateful at times, yes, even too hateful at times. Yet, despite their anger, I'm sure these people look up at the ceiling and cry at night for their addicts, themselves, and their children just as you all do. I think maybe there are more people at CR who are in the later stages of living with an addict and they no longer want to live in two worlds at once. Now I could be wrong because I haven't read many of the posts at SR but many of the folks at CR have had enough or are pretty close to it and they're trying to strip the veils of denial of those who are headed down the same path of destruction that they just crossed.

At CR, people choose recovery and for many of them that means no contact with the human tornadoes that ravage their lives every time they draw near. It also means a whole lot of anger, and shared suffering. It means using humor and sarcasm to help take the edge off their pain and find a common bond. It's just another way of relating. Maybe quoting someone from another board and casting it in a negative light might not be a good idea but we all make mistakes. I'm sure each one of you has said that of someone else you know....
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Old 04-19-2007, 04:49 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Posts: 4,833 i'm a crack addict with 5 yrs clean, i slipped for a short period of time, very short, but before that, i had 9 yrs clean and living with a now recovering crack addict husband of 21 yrs. i believe in detachment but i also believe that there is always hope, it just depends on how long a person wants to wait and i don't believe that you have to wait in the mist of the chaos, in my opinion, you can wait and learn how to enjoy life alone or if you have to. i also believe that love ones can find peace in their lives without throwing away the addict. i honestly have to thank god that my family did not give up hope that i wouldn't seek to recover, they did detach but they never gave up hope and they didn't put their lives on hold, waiting on me.

just to note, there are a lot of addicts that do a lot of different things but all addicts DO NOT fall in the same catagory.some do and some don't

i couldn't help but to want to post this over here. maybe there are different kinds of crack addicts. i know that the behavior is not all the exact same but maybe there is a different kind of crack to get addicted to, that i don't know about. i know a lot of recovering crack addicts with yrs of recovery. i just want it to be known that there are a few of them here. i think that i'm clean still because i found sr, who helped me to learn how to live in active addiction without feeling the need to medicate myself. thanks to sr and the folks who love it.
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Old 04-19-2007, 05:13 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I have met many wonderful recovering crack addicts here and in real life, and experience has taught me that they are not bad people trying to be good, they are sick people trying to get well.

It serves no purpose, to them or to ourselves, to belittle them, to say nasty things about them (or those who love them), or to blame our anger on them. Anger is a reflection of the sickness in us (including me) and our program here at SR is about working on "our" sickness, codependency.

Some choose to stay, some choose to leave and our program leaves that choice up to each individual and we support them either way. We open our hearts and open our minds to each person here who walks with us.

We do not need to defend ourselves, our choices or our program. Our growing membership here reflects the success of our program, of our compassion and of our choice to live a life free from fear, anger, shame and chaos. The longevity of so many members here reflects the ongoing process of learning and growing and fellowship and love for each other.

It is a rare occasion that I close any thread. I closed the previous thread because it became heated and flaming and no longer served any useful purpose to us or those who oppose us. I would prefer not to have to close this thread and hope that we can learn from all of this.

Our choice of recovery programs and sites is truly a free choice. What works for some may not work for others. This is not a competition of who has the better site, it is an oasis of peace where people who want what we have may choose to stick around and learn how to get it. Those who do not want what we have are free to choose any other site that appeals to them.

We don't sell books, we don't sell tapes, we just practice what those who went before us shared with us, because we want what they have. It is just one codie helping another, sharing our hope, our dreams, our harsh realities, our laughter and our tears, and most of all sharing our hearts and hugs.

Today I ask that we remember to respect each other, to remember that we are not all at the same place in our recovery, and most of all to remember that the next newcomer walking in the door must feel welcome and safe and that they too can find peace and recovery here. Because they too are scared, tired, and battle worn, just as I was when I first stepped off the Codie bus at SR.

Just for today let's embrace our common purpose and remember why we are here, to get help or to give it, and walk together in peace. Let's leave our differences at the door and get back to what we do best, sharing our experience, strength and hope with each other.

Love you all, really I do.

Hugs
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Old 04-19-2007, 08:48 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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And thankfully, you have all been here when I went through the rage, the anger, the hurt & the pain. And a lot of us have gone through similar experience with the addicts in our lives. But for me, I found out hating him...only hurt me. And I believe in a group that shares their experience, strength & hope with one another instead of TELLING me what to do. And being angry when I don't. This is a horrible disease. And we are all just trying to find a way to live through the loss of a loved one or the miracle of their recovery.

Lynne
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Old 04-19-2007, 10:30 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Ben - I was a member of CR back in 2004. I remember you and your posts. I posted and received help from you and others. At the time, it was eye opening for me and helped me accept my own reality. Over the last 3 years I have actually recommended the site to people here that I thought may benefit them. That's how I found the site to begin with, someone here suggested I check it out. I'm not bashing it. It serves a purpose for those that need to find recovery in that format. Both sites have the same objective, to help others. But there is more than one way. There is more than two ways. Each person chooses what works for them. I chose to leave the CR site because it felt like, there was only one way....theirs. When the posting was about an addic that had gotten raped and the general consensus was that she deserved it and asked for it...well, I disagreed with that and chose a different path for my own recovery. I still took with me the things that had helped me at the CR site.

What disturbs me more than anything though, is the fact that CR members are signing up here to inflame our home. To push their beliefs as if they are the only way. To ridicule and bring conflict. To argue and fight. That is not recovery, that is closed mindedness, that's petty stomp your feet, shake your fist, I'm right, I'm better, childish behavior. And it takes away from what both sites are trying to do...help others and help ourselves.

So lets put our differances aside, agree to disagree, be respectful of other peoples opinions and needs. No name calling, no ridicule because we have different opinions. We each use the tools that work for us, and if something works for someone else that is different, respect that, but don't disrupt what is working for someone else.

Respectfully
B
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Old 04-19-2007, 10:48 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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I just want to say I went through a period of extreme anger. I still go there. I was angry at my XABF, angry at all men, at all addicts, at all recovering addicts, at recovery at everything about addiction.

In the end it didn't work to stay angry. I never went to another site.. I stayed here and stomped and shook my fist and even left for a couple of days...
I needed that anger to move forward through it and past it (as well as through my grief and past it).

In the end, that is what everyone said... here.. to use the anger to move forward and past it. I had to. I can't maintain anger (too much energy involved and it ends up being too negative).

That is what worked for me.
I was forgiven (I think?) for that here on this site. I would not have wanted to maintain those feelings. Folks here helped me with their gentle kindness to move forward and, after all, forward is what we all want is it not?

Other ways work for other people. I am glad I am here and ever so glad for everyone on SR. Y'all showed me the way to save myself.
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Old 04-19-2007, 10:57 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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((marle))

Hugs to you girl. I wasn't going to post to this thread at first because it seemed to get off the original post. It became about conflicting opinions on sites. Not about your feeling of violation. The urge to respond overcame my reservations though. I apologize for that.

You have every right to be upset. It was dis-respectful. And as you see, your brothers and sisters here on SR are upset that you were dis-respected. We feel and understand the violation that you have been subjected to. We are up in arms because we feel you and our family have been attacked and hurt. You've been through enough already, all of us have.

So just to let you know, I understand and am sending hugs and prayers your way.

B
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Old 04-19-2007, 01:41 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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I feel the opinions that I share here do not belong on another site. If I had wanted them to know my opinions, I would have posted there. This site is sacred to me, if you don't like what I have to say, you can ignore me, but to take my words and use them to ridicule me and SR is totally inappropriate. That is my final say and I will avoid commenting on other sites in the future. That should take care of it for me. marle
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Old 04-19-2007, 01:42 PM
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Ben, there really is no defense to what was done with my posting. Marle
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Old 04-19-2007, 02:36 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Well, I respect your opinion and I'm not going to stir up the tranquility of your site. Nice visiting with you. I'm going to walk down the hill now.
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Old 04-19-2007, 03:24 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
 
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That's it. I've had it. I apologize Ann. I apologize to Marle. I apologize to this board.

You pompus **** *****. Don't you mean climb off your pedestal, not walk down the hill. You just gave me flashbacks of the manipulative way an active addic pouts if he doesn't get his way. Talk all nice while you make a backhanded comment like that. Speaking out of both sides of your mouth. Maybe you should stand up so your words aren't muffled.

You are hollier than thou, cocky, know it all, I've been through such a bad time, this is the ONLY way it should be, I know everything....***.

Yes I'm yelling at you Ben. You have accomplished what you and your "friends" have set out to do. Upset anyone you can. So slide off and snicker... you are no better than the worst addic out there. You just branish your character behind the illusion of recovery.

B

P.S. Don't worry Ann, I want be responding to any more posts about this.
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Old 04-19-2007, 03:39 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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I have yet to post about the topic.

It's getting out of control.

Marle made her point several times. (very good points)

Now this has gotten to the point of name calling? c'mon.

This is not my way of Recovery NOR how it has been since I have joined.

Let's all be wise enough to know when to walk away.
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