A New Kind Of Trust
 

I found this on the blog A Room Of Mama's Own (mamampj.blogspot.com). It's a woman's account of her experiences with her husband's recovery from sex addiction, so it isn't exactly like what we're going through, but there are some overlaps. She was talking about trust, and I thought it was pretty interesting. I wish I could feel this way!

Here's the quote:

"About a year ago, things were tense, he was losing his job, and he slipped and acted out. And when he told me, I found in myself, not anger, but acceptance and a new kind of trust. I don't trust him anymore not to do things that are going to hurt me, or himself, or us. But I trust that when he does those things, they are not what he wants to do or who he wants to be. I trust that he is using these experiences to learn and grow stronger. I trust that he is trying to be honest with himself and with me. I trust that he will share with me when he feels ready. All of those things I can trust, and that trust has not been broken."

i guess i understand how you feel, but what helped me since i couldn't trust that my ah to be honest, i chose to trust myself. i began to learn how to seperate my husband from his addiction. for me, it still did not excuse his addictive behavior nor did i want to accept it, it only helped me to have a little compassion but only after i found myself caring more about me and what i needed to do for me rather that what he was doing or not doing.

i think for me things began to get better for me when i chose to completely take the focus off my husband and whatever he was or was not doing. i think there are no rules set in stone for recovery, what work for some, may not work for others,

i ended up having to seperate from my husband, but because i understood that he may not have been totally doing what he wanted to do, and maybe was not intentionally tring to hurt me and our relationship, i chose not to divorce him, yet. i think that you have to do what is right or best for you, and i'm keeping you and your in my prayers

I too trust that the addict in my life is going to do the best he can, that he tries, that deep down he wants to get better. Trusting an addict any deeper than that is just asking for disappointment.

More importantly, I trust that no matter how successful or unsuccessful his efforts, I will treat myself with love, respect, and tenderness, so that, even if he fails in his best efforts, MY life will still be a darned good one. I have absolute trust in that.

GL