bren38

Well.......Its my RAH's 2nd day out of rehab and I can already see that it is not going to be easy. I still have my guard up but am still trying to be supportive, it helps to do that when I see that he is trying. I'm still trying to convince myself that this isn't just a big con he's pulling. But then I think why would he put himself through all of this if he were conning me????

Yesterday I got some closure. When he got home I went with him to work (which is where he used and obtained his doc) to get his check and I met those who supplied him and used themselves face to face. It felt good to look them in the eye knowing they knew I knew. I also asked one of them to return something that belonged to my kids that was traded. They denied any wrong doing. But agreed to return item to me. I am going there to pick it up. My RAH seemed uncomfortable by all of this but I felt compelled to fight for what was rightfully ours. I didn't care that it made him uncomfortable. My adrenaline was flowing as I faced them but my gaze was steady and strong. I didn't make a scene only wanted them to see the family they nearly destroyed by contributing to his habit. Then I was able to let some of that go.

My rah looked miserable this morning . He said he wasn't scared but he sure looked like he was. He said he was just nervous, and he didn't feel right. I know this is a big step for him. First time in prob. 30 years he has faced the world clean. I tried not to put too many demands on him. Some things I know he will have to face sooner or later. I caved when he left. Its like my strength left with him. But the day he came back a strange thing happened. Suddenly I became strong again. Its like with him here.....I know what I need to do to survive. I cant afford to be weak because I have to be alert and strong. I guess his addiction taught me to be this way.

Anyway sorry to ramble on just wanted to tell someone what I'm feeling. I know everyone says one day at a time but it's hard for me not to think beyond that. I hope his mood soon improves. He says he's happy to be home but he looks so miserable. I have not seen much joy. I guess i need to be patient. Thanks for your prayers, I pray for y'all too.

teke

i'm sorry that you had to go through this, and i glad that you were able to get you kids things back. maybe your rah is just uncomfortable because he may not feel so safe for you, going up to dealers or his job with all of this, but you did what you felt like you needed to do.

on the other hand, newly recovering addicts have some what of a hard time when they first leave rehab. there is a lot of reajusting to do, they are now having to apply what they learned in rehab and it is a very scary time. rehab is only the start of his recovery and it will take a little time for him to feel comfortable. try to keep the focus on you and allow him the time that he needs to work himself back into the real world.

hope213

bren, it is hard on him & you both. let go & let God. you know the 3c's. you did not cause it ,you can not control it & you can not cure it. it is his responsiablity.he has got to work his recovery while you are working yours.go to a meeting. take care of your self & things will be as they should be.saying a prayer for you & him.hugs,hope

bren38

Thanks Teke, When you say allow him time that he needs to work himself in the real world, do you mean sort of let him be? I wonder if me trying to help him by giving advice, asking questions, etc. is helping or hurting? Should I just leave him alone to figure it out himself??? should I be less involved in his recovery? It is hard to live here with him and not put in my 2 cents worth. Should I distance myself? I truly dont know what I need to do other than what I've always done. I know i need meetings its just hard to find the time. none here locally.

bren38

Thanks Hope, you sort of just answered the reply I just posted.

teke

well, because he's gonna use if he wants to regardless of what you do or dont do, it maybe a lot less stressful for you if you kind of stepped back and let him handle his own recovery. its all his choice. try to keep the focus completely on you, and let him do the same. i know that its hard to do, and it hard to watch, but it maybe even harder on you to spend most of your time now that he's in recovery trying to make sure he do the right thing.

stick to your boundaries and if you can maybe continue to try to find a meeting, maybe the rehab can refer you to some place to go. do what you know to do to maybe seperate yourself a little emotionally. try not to have high expectations about him and his recovery. remember that sometimes relapse do happen and that something that you will have no control over no matter how hard you try. just try to take care of you.

i almost drove myself crazy trying to keep up with my now rah, each time he came out of rehab. still praying for you and you are welcomed to pm me anytime.

bren38

I will, Thanks. Its comforting to know if there is something I'm struggling with or do not understand that you dont mind me asking.

krhea75

Thanks Bren for posting. My AS gets home in a week and I will be dealing with similar thoughts/feelings. Walking the border between watching over and letting him work his recovery. I am scared but ready, hopeful but realistic.