jeepgirl

I have hit a new bump in my recovery. My ad has stolen from my mom - a very expensive mink coat. My mom and husband have spoken - I am too ashamed to speak to my mom.
My husband had my daughter call my mom to apologize. She is supposed to retrieve it. It has been pawned and sold.
I just want to forget the whole thing, pretend that our family is normal. My daughter doesn't want to speak to me either.
Good news is I am going to keep working on myself. I have started therapy, and my therapist is an addiction specialist. She wants my husband to come in as well - so we can be a united front.
I feel so sad, defeated, hope is harder to maintain. This is the worst I have ever felt about my daughter. It is just sickening.
jeepgirl

teke

sorry about your mom's fur and your daughter, i pray that she finds her way soon, and i'm glad to hear that you are taking care of you, keeping you and yours in my prayers. with a special prayer that your daughter is able to get the fur back.

Hangin' In

I think this is wonderful! TRY to keep the focus on you, Jeep. And turn the daughter over to the HP. I know what she is doing is discouraging and hurtful. But maybe her doing those things is getting her closer to her bottom. We never know, Jeep.

Now focus back on you like you said you were going to do. And you and the husband being a united front is THE BEST. I don't know what I'd do if Mr. Hangin' and I weren't on the same page re this recovery thing and how to handle (or more like NOT handle) our AD.

Hugs, Jeep. Don't give up. You'll make it. Remember, we're here for you with love and light for a brighter day.

Hangin' In

thejunkyswife

Whenever I post here, everyone always says that I'm doing the right thing when I say I'm taking care of myself. It sounds like you're doing the things you need to do to take care of yourself, so you're on the right track at least. You can't carry anyone else's bucket of sh*t for them!

I'm sorry about your daughter's behavior, though, and I definitely relate to your emotions in this situation. This guy who is staying with us told me that he had left his wallet at our house today, and it's my husband's day off, so I am worried my husband might have gone through his things. I am counting on my husband's profound laziness to have kept him from climbing the stairs to steal, but I don't know...I am going to be so embarassed if he took something from our guests!

GRRRRRRR! I hate drugs! I hate it for all of us that we have to be worked up about these kinds of ridiculous things!

I'll keep you in my prayers!

Done_With_It

I'm glad you are taking care of yourself Jeep. I'm so sorry about your daughter, she's been on a rollercoaster, maybe this will be her wake up
call. Nevertheless the therapy sounds great!

marle

Jeep, Going to a therapist has really helped me to separate from my daughter. We were so enmeshed that at times I felt like we were one. Now I realize that her actions belong to her as does her life and choices. Still not easy at times, but I do feel better these days. Hugs to you mom and prayers that you find some peace. Marle

dollydo

Sorry about yet another setback, but, you have nothing to be embarrassed about, you didn't steal the coat, your daughter did.

If it were me, I'd pick up that phone and call your Mom, for you to clear the air, and so that the family can all be part of the united front. Avoidance is a bench mark of codependency, been there, once I faced my issues head on, my recovery got stronger,it had more momentum.

Therapy sounds like a good idea, you are on the right track.

Make today a special day for you.

Hugs,
Dolly

Ann

Jeep, your recovery is shining brightly even amidst your darkness.

As much as I tried to let go of my son's addiction, he continued to do things that made it personal for me too, like embarrassing me by stealing from people I knew. As much as I knew that I was not responsible for his bad behaviour, I still felt that it reflected on me when things like this happened.

What helped me was to make it clear to anyone he stole from that charges should be laid and he should have to suffer the consequences. He broke the law and there are consequences that go with that, as sad as they are.

That said, my breaking point was when he stole a portable TV that belonged to my husband, one that he took with him when he traveled for work. It wasn't worth much and we could afford to replace it, but it was "special" and my son knew that when he took it. He was visiting for the evening, we watched his every move, but when he went to the basement to get some of his clothes, he managed to stuff the TV in his backpack and we didn't notice until he had left. That was the last time he was allowed in our home.

None of this is our fault. Addiction is just so much bigger than any of us.

I am so glad you are going to counseling and happy that your husband will go too. This is definitely the time when working on "you" and your issues will help you get through this.

My prayers go out for all of you. It's just a sad thing what addiction can do to the entire family.

Hugs

sobercuse

(((((((Jeepgirl))))))

If we could make our loved ones stop the drug addictions we would go to any lengths to do it.

My AS is a crack addict and a heroin addict. He committed himself a few months ago to a psych ward, because the shelters were full. I visited him and brought him clean clothes, deodorant, etc.

I said to him, "If I gave you 20 bucks right now, I'll bet you would leave here and go get high." He said, "Mom, 20 bucks is nothing. I could get 100 bucks easily, just by stealing somebodies lawn mower or anything from a garage."

It makes me sick and so ahamed that he steals. I tell him that it's wrong.
He self righteously reminds me that I don't understand because he is a crack addict....like that gives him the right.

I haven't heard from him in two months. Sometimes at night I get paranoid that he will show up.

I make it clear that there is a better way and to keep the drugs and the drugging behavior out of here. I love him, not the addiction.

That's what we call setting boundaries.

Jeepgirl, remember the 3 k's...keep coming back, keep it simple and keep your chin up.

cece1960

Hang in there Jeep...you have the tools, even if it feels like you've misplaced them for now.
Good for you for working on you.
Prayers that your AD finds a better path
((((hugs))))
Cece

itiswhatitis...

i have to remind myself of this - thanks for that ann...

jeep
i'm sorry you're hurting because of this - i know that my mom, at one point, said she didn't want me to call the police regarding my sister - my mom was worried that their house would end up on the news as one of those philthy, neglectful homes where the children were taken from - and it would embarass her - i told her it had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with her - just as your dauther's actions had nothing to do with you - i'm sure your mom doesn't blame you - she probably feels bad too -this addiction stuff is crazy at times - and as ann said *addiction is bigger than any of us*...

love,
s

Jewelz

jeepgirl, I am so sorry that you and your family is hurting right now. but continue to take care of you and seeing an addiction specialist is a wonderful thing. Sending hugs and prayers your way!

Hugs,
Jewel

BigSis

Aw, (((Jeep))).... you KNOW the 3 Cs...

Can't CAUSE addiction
Can't CONTROL addiction
Can't CURE addiction


I can't cause it, and can't control it because .... it isn't about ME! My kid will (and has) done things that mortify me. She has hurt people while in active addiction. That is HER path, and her amends to make.

I cannot smooth over things for her because then I rob HER of an opportunity to gain a lesson. Even if that "smoothing over" is with a close friend or family. It is between THAT person and HER.... not me.


not me. not me. not me. not me.




And if your mom has issues with YOU... you just have her come in here, we will have a little talk with her. (grin)

Or, you might take mama to an Alanon meeting or six. Could open HER eyes as well to exactly what you are dealing with.

No shame! Not allowed!


((((Loving Hugs)))))

parentrecovers

it's a hard disease, jeep. i understand. blessings, k

hopeforever

jeep!! hugst toyou!!!
im sorry ithappend!!
jeep please dontfeel shame !! u didnt doit!!
ur d is agrown up its her choices@!! i hope everything will work out!! hugstoyou and keep doing whjat u doing!! GOD bless u!!

Cupicake

Jeep....I'm sure your mom doesn't blame you. She knows that you had no control over your daughters actions. Please don't take on the shame that your daughter should be feeling, not you.
I'm glad you found a way to focus on your recovery and continue to heal yourself through this pain.

Elana

Sorry this happened. You should not be embarassed. You did not steal.

I suggest you call your Mom and talk to her. Suggest she press charges. This was theft and you did not steal. Theft means your Mom can also file an insurance claim and, if your daughter goes to jail it might get her pointed towards recovery?

Read again what everyone said. Not your fault. Not your shame. Not your burden.
You know this and you are sounding like you are facing recovery and moving in it.

lil516

Oh...I am so sorry you have to go through this

my thought is to speak with your mom
you are not the one who did this

perhaps your mom is hurting just knowing how much pain this is causing you (her child)

I pray that those who love you are able to show compassion
please continue to cherish and care for yourself

marteen

So sorry this has happened but it's not your fault. You can't control your AD's behavior.

Take care of you; focus on that which you have some control. The rest is up to you AD's HP and her. You are doing great.

bookmiser

(((((Jeep))))))

Sending big mom hugs and prayers your way.