Elana

Here I was going along doing so darn well. I really was...

Then I posted on this photo forum concerning a decision I am trying to make with regard to my trip in May with my Mom. Best way to go to see this or that.. or go the other way and see this other stuff... trying to consolidate the trip so we don't live in the car.

Well, who should answer but XABF... and he made this suggestion that brought back some pretty funny memories (like driving miles and miles out of the way to see Smokey Bears Grave site.... Let me tell you all a secret.. when National Geographic makes those little guide books with wonderful pictures they will NOT send you to places where you will take the smae sort of photos... they WILL send you over hill and dale in search of them tho!).

So I laughed and recalled and then dang it if I don't have a dream about XABF last night and some reconciliation. Jeeze loueeze.. it just reminds me that NO CONTACT is the only way to go and it has to be NO CONTACT.. NONE... NOT ANY....

Good Grief.. I surely had words for my subconscious today and they were not loving or kind.. I berated that ol' subconscious and tonight it will SUBMIT to my demands on NO dreams. I feel like MacBeth.. (Lady MacBeth if I recall my Sahkespear at all) scrubbing the blood from her hands and crying "Out Damned spot! OUT I SAY!"

I am saying that to my subconscious mind concerning my X.. OUT damned thoughts! Out I SAY!

Well, if nothing else it makes me laugh at myself. I muttered all day at work.. wihich made my co workers all nervous. LOL

*sigh*

Lovestoomuch

If it makes you feel any better and possibly not so alone.........I talk to myself out loud all the time. I'm the only one who listens to me anyhow. You're doing fine honey. Next time you run into one of those darned stumbling stones..........just pick it up and throw it at something.

Elana

Thanks Loves...

Now there is an idea.. I keep falling over those rocks and scraping my knees.. and I never thought of tossing one at something!

The good thing about talking to yourself is that your audience is as perfect as your answers!

Well, I have managed to keep smiling and I still FEEL good.

I have this HUGE yellow rain coat.. a saddle slicker actually.. and we were getting really dumped on today with rain and major flooding. Well, I wore this yellow thing to work.. (an office job mind you) and a this old Green Australian army hat.. I looked like a giant yellow smiley thing or a fat banana or something.. It looked WEIRD.

I got to work and people gave me strange looks.. I told 'em "At my age I am no longer strange.. I am merely eccentric..."

Lovestoomuch

Awwwww.........see.........In my mind I see you as a sunflower. LOL That's that whole glass half full theory I've got going on these days.

Ann

You make a lovely Lady McBeth, Elena, in a gentler sort of way

Recognizing what we need (or don't need) and then taking action to follow our thoughts is recovery shining at its best.

Shine on, girl!

Hugs

cinderellawkids

Elana, remember too sometimes a dream is just a dream. Last night I had a strange dream about getting back with my first love from when I was 18. I woke up this morning confused about who I was, but I know the dream was just a dream.

Elana

The amzing thing about dreams is how the can make you feel (happy, glad, sad etc.). Sometimes they can be such wonderful imaginings involving real or imagined things, as you are made sad because they are, after all, only dreams.

itiswhatitis...

elana,

eccentric and dry - did you have a better dream last nite????

love,
s

teke

elana looks like i missed all of this, just want you to know that if i did'n't talk to myself sometimes, i think i'd lose it, i have to keep myself in check. hope you had a better nite.

Elana

Slept like the dead last night. So soundly sleeping that when the alarm went off I thought, "Now why is that going off on Saturday?!" I slept awhile, but not THAT long. I do live in the land of Rip VanWinkle tho....

I just need to pay attention to what I am thinking before I go to sleep.... and throw those stumbling stones at any images I don't want!