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Old 04-15-2007, 07:05 AM
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crackreality

Hey ya'll, I don't know if this has been brought up before, but there is a site called crackreality.com that is really interesting. The guy who owns the site is selling a book, but there is lots of information on there that is free. It really could apply to any addiction. Check it out.

Last edited by Ann; 04-18-2007 at 01:45 PM. Reason: link removed by Ann
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Old 04-15-2007, 07:12 AM
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Be careful about getting the book. His viewpoint is based on the worst type of crack addict and we know that although crack addicts may share certain characteristics, they are not all hopeless people. The one thing that he suggests is the "no contact" rule and for some that may work out to be the only way to survive a relationship with a crack addict. He definitely has no compassion for the addict. Hugs, Marle

P.S. I checked out the site before it went into the new format and all it was at that time was a site for bashing and making fun of the crack addict. The forum has changed and is better now.
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Old 04-15-2007, 08:57 AM
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I found that site long ago. I live outside of Phoenix (his home) & it was nothing but addict bashing. I have something he wrote to me about my ex. He has no hope that an addict will ever change. His advice is to run as far & as fast as you can the other direction. And nobody gave me an inch. As far as they were concerned addicts were scum. But again, this is based on his experience. And from what he told me...Phoenix has one of the largest population of crack addicts. I guess there's a crack house not more than 10 minutes from anywhere you are out here. Sad

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Old 04-15-2007, 01:58 PM
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i visited that site a couple of months ago - when i found out sisters doc was crack - to me that site is just *dirty* - it just makes me feel that way - it disturbed me greatly - i'm a little new to all of this crack stuff and that was maybe a little toooooo much information - just my opinion...

s
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Old 04-15-2007, 05:31 PM
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I just found it interesting. I have no interest in ordering the book, I just like to listen to different viewpoints.
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Old 04-16-2007, 06:45 PM
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Please allow me to introduce myself, I am Shelby, and I have been a member of Crackreality since 2003. At first glance I can understand where we might come off as having no compassion for the addict, or you see our teasing as being unkind. Over the years and well over 100,000 posts later, I can honestly say we have only had two “success” stories. One addicted loved one is going on 4 years clean, however she has resided in an inpatient rehab facility during her entire length of sobriety. The other members loved one has 18 months clean, and while he has abstained from mind altering substances, he still displays many of the addict behaviors. So, when you get the idea that there is no hope, 2 out of 100,000 is not a very promising statistic. And, to back this up, NIDA puts the recovery rate at 3% for crack addiction.

I have posted this over there many times, I honestly believe that crack addiction is very different than most. I know many recovering addicts, mostly opiate. With the opiate addicts they do their share of lying, blaming, blame-shifting, and stealing. But, there is also much sadness, hurt, and mostly self-destructive behavior. With crack addicts, I see that and much intentional cruelness in their actions. They use almost brain washing techniques to make their loved ones feel less than, to make us believe that we are truly the unstable ones. They twist our words, and make us doubt our sanity. The put us down, making us feel unlovable, ugly, worthless, and insecure, with the purpose of achieving the upper hand. I totally understand and agree with the Disease Model of addiction, however there is something deeper, almost sinister when it comes to crack addiction. The subculture of crack is ugly, real ugly, and we keep it real there, Crackreality is not for those who are still in denial or for the faint of heart.

And, yes we are in favor of the “No Contact Rule” or for parents the “No Involvement Rule”. This is after we have tried everything else. And, trust me we have all done the begging, crying, threatening, deal-making, compassion, support, encouragement, anger, hurt, guilt-tripping, until we have exhausted every possible method, and lost ourselves in the process. Crack addicts have a very hard time letting go. They seem to want to call and contact us for a long time after the relationship is over. They want to tell us how they are now clean and that we were the reason they used in the first place and continued to use. They also have the need to inform us that they are now in a new relationship. And, when children are involved, even though they are now “clean”, for some reason they can never seem to pony up to random UI’s or pay any type of child support, or even show up for visitation when it is allowed. You ever see the face of an innocent child waiting for mom or dad to come see them, only to be let down? And, they are always waving that finger of blame our way. This is when and why “no contact” is important, any contact keeps us chained to the chaos, and keeps us from moving forward in our recoveries.

Furthermore, we are all about OUR recoveries. We try to let go with love, but if we have to let go in anger or hurt, that works for a short time too. We have come to accept that there is no control in any of this, and the only one we can change is ourselves. And then we set about doing the hard work it takes to not repeat past bad or unhealthy behaviors on our part. What the addict does is NOT our side of the street, that part is all on them. Maybe they will catch up, maybe they won’t.

So, for those whose loved ones are crack addicts, I encourage you and invite you to read the many informative posts. I truly believe once you read all of our stories, all in one place you will see there is a very definitive pattern they ALL seem to share. We also have fun and get silly, there is so much pain, that sometimes we just have to laugh through our tears. You also will see a whole lot of growth and recovery on our parts, and those lightbulb moments when we switch from rescue mode to taking back our own lives mode. Cause that’s what this is all about, finding ourselves, changing for the better, and living serene happy lives.

Sincerely,
Shelby
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Old 04-17-2007, 08:24 AM
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I originally found the crackreality site in September 2006. I guess I wasn't ready then to see the truth. Back then I still thought my addict/husband was different, I could love my addict/husband enough to fix him.

Today, my addict/husband is still using. He still is functional and has a job. He still blames me for everything (last I checked). Everything I read on crackreality 7 months ago turned out to be true. Every word. I guess we all must go about our recoveries at our own pace. They say hindsight is 20/20, and if I look back and say "if only I had listened 7 months ago I could have prevented so much heartache, especially for my kids". The truth is, I wasn't ready to see, I had to make my journey at my own pace. The truth, the reality the crackreality was/is profound. Facing the truth was the hardest step I ever took.

The truth is crack is dirty, the life of a crack addict is dirty. It's so dirty a crack addict will almost never admit the true extent of their use.
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Old 04-17-2007, 10:51 AM
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I have read the crack/reality info and I have to say there were somethings that I could relate to with my abf. As far as the addict making us feel less then, blaming us for their addiction because crack is so different.... I have to disagree only because of my experience.
My ABF has NEVER made me feel like it is my fault. He has NEVER blamed me for HIS addiction. Yes I have been with him during his last 5 relaplses and he has always taking responsibilty for HIS actions. He has never used me I offered MY help and learned MY lesson. The fewthings he did ask me to help with I did and after realizing that I was only hurting him I stopped. The crack/reality for me was about the Crack addict that is ACTIVE. The ones that are Non-active that are really trying with their heart are NOTHING like that post. Everyones situatuion and experiences are different I guess.

As far as the crack is so bad they wont even admit how far they will go to get high, As long as the Addict forgives theirselves and asks forgiveness from their HP what would be the point for them to confess to US. It's their addiciton they made choices and of course for EVERY addict there are things they would never admit to.Get real you don't have to be an addict to have done things in your life for what ever reason and never admit it.Admitting it and forgiving themselves is what matters and that is their HOPE for their recovery. We the non addict choose to stay in that realtionship knowing what they are capable of allowing them to hurt us over and 0over and over again. Just as them we will no when enough is enough. But understanding that we stayed becauise that was the choose we made so when we get in the way of their destructive path and allow them to hurt us who's fault is it then. Their's or Our's? Just as the addict we have choices too.
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Old 04-17-2007, 12:06 PM
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I am the Mom of a crack addict…..

I am also a member, not only here, but at Crackreality…..When I first discovered my son was addicted to crack, I started out the same as every other parent.....what can I do to help…..I cried, I prayed, I read, I talked, I screamed, I did every thing in my power to make him understand what he was doing to himself and all of the people that loved him……What I learned from crackreality was that this was his addiction, not mine…that the only chance he had for recovery was for me to detach and let go with love……that for me to help was to hurt his chances of finding his bottom and so with much pain I have done just that……nothing in your life can prepare you for this journey, but I found love and support at crackreality…….

Yes, I understand it is about choices, yours and the addicts…..and if you choose to be there for five relapses, that is your choice…..For me I could not continue to get my hopes up only to have them dashed time and time again…..I could not continue to hear I am sorry, it will never happen again, and all of the other promises, only for it to happen again and again…..

I love my son with all my heart and I will always have hope….but I must be realistic also, that the choice is his and I must let him have those choices and also have the consequences that come from those choices…..

What you read about crack, the addict and their lifestyle is very hard to take and yes everyone is an individual and there are some pattern differences for some, but overall the pattern is just as was outlined in the post by Shelby….as with most addicts it is all about them and their needs and until they want to change, I mean really want to change it will happen over and over……My son had a problem with alcohol for many years, but was able to maintain...however once crack entered the picture.....the spiral downward was so swift and terrible….then I knew immediately that this was a different kind of battle and only the very strong would/could survive……

Thanks for listening, there are great people on both boards and I wish for all of us/you and our/your addicts, peace ……

Regards,
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Old 04-17-2007, 01:01 PM
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My daughter is a heroin addict and everything that applies to crack addicts applies to her. The progression of the disease is the same. The things that she says and does are the same. I don't need a blow by blow account of the vile things that she may or may not do. All I need to know is that she is an addict and until she gets help for her disease she will do things that an addict does. Having no contact with an addict is not the same as having no hope and crackreality does not allow for hope. I do not think that I am living in denial because I keep hope alive in my heart that someday my daughter may find recovery. Marle
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Old 04-17-2007, 01:04 PM
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Just to clarify, in the above post I am referring to the book, not the forum. Marle
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Old 04-17-2007, 03:29 PM
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Yes you are right I chose to stay throughout 5 relapses and today I'm very grateful that I have not experienced some of the dreadful things that I sometimes read about. The things that I did experience and all the money I spent were enough for me to learn my lesson. However in the process of that I took action for myself and still read about the cycle of addiction everyday so I can be educated. Yes you are right it does take a very strong person to overcome addiciton. I pray for my ABF everyday. I have hope and faith but at the end of the day I have accepted that what he chooses to do is up to him and I can't allow that to affect me. He is no longer living with me. He is in a recovery house and right now he is doing good...... It is still very hard for me to understand addiciton because it is so very sad.
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Old 04-17-2007, 03:38 PM
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Yes you are right I chose to stay throughout 5 relapses and today I'm very grateful that I have not experienced some of the dreadful things that I sometimes read about. The things that I did experience and all the money I spent were enough for me to learn my lesson. However in the process of that I took action for myself and still read about the cycle of addiction everyday so I can be educated. Yes you are right it does take a very strong person to overcome addiciton. I pray for my ABF everyday. I have hope and faith but at the end of the day I have accepted that what he chooses to do is up to him and I can't allow that to affect me. He is no longer living with me. He is in a recovery house and right now he is doing good...... It is still very hard for me to understand addiciton because it is so very sad.
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Old 04-17-2007, 04:16 PM
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Nicole, I was going to just do the thanks button, but it seems to have disappeared......So I will just say that I am glad you are working on you and your recovery....I wish you and Your ABF continued success.....Hey now it is back.....goblins on board??????
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Old 04-17-2007, 05:00 PM
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I am also a member of both forums. I read posts from both sides. I have found that these two sites create a balance for me. Crack Reality tells it like it is. Sometimes, it's too painful for me to read, so I go back to the more compassionate and caring SR. Crack Reality shows me the cold hard facts that force me to see my ABF for exactly what and who he has become. I read everything I can find on addiction. I am a recovering co-dependent. My ABF spiraled until the crack took him over completely. He left over a month ago, and I haven't heard from him since. This was a man who was supposed to love me. He wanted to give up using so we could have a life together. The hurt has been unbearable at times. It doesn't seem to be letting up much. Reading SR posts gives me Hope and Faith. Reading Crack Reality makes me realize he did me a big favor by leaving me. I have the book, and it is well worth the money. Like others, I wish I had listened to what people told me and saved myself some misery. I had to find out for myself the hard way. I thought my addict was different, but I am seeing there is not a lot of difference between him and any of the other addicts described in Crack Reality. He is a remorseless con who stole my money, my possessions, and my heart. Here I am now in therapy, putting one foot in front of the other, and trying to pick up the pieces of my life. I was brainwashed into thinking he wanted to recover. I was brainwashed into believing all his lies and manipulations. Today, I started making a list of some of the things he's done that hurt me. When it's all there in black and white, I can't believe I kept loving him and letting him hurt me more, time and time again. I was always so forgiving. I was always just so grateful to have him back home. All he had to do was tell me how much he loved me, swear he was going to get help and give me a little bit of his attention. Nevermind that I had to hide my money, spend many nights alone, pay all the bills, and worry 24/7. Now, I have an enormous amount of debts to pay for all the damage he has done to me financially. All I see is that the Crack Reality people are trying to keep us from making the same mistakes, over and over again, hoping for a different outcome. The only thing different for me is that I feel like a total fool for being taken in by a crackhead. My compassion is slowly going out the window as my eyes are beginning to open to all the destruction he has caused me. I have been in denial for quite a long time, telling myself that what he did to me really wasn't that bad. It was horrible! I was just living in this fantasy world believing he loved me and that he wanted to get better. I know now he just wanted to get better at being a crackhead. He's chasing crack 24/7 now.
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Old 04-17-2007, 06:10 PM
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You do what you need to do. Crackreality did help me when I first left my ex. I needed to know that what I was doing was right. Since I knew him since he was 11, I was somewhat different. I knew him before drugs. And he was clean & sober 3 years before we became a couple. But love wasn't enough. Since I've left....he's gone back to being the rotten, miserable, SOB he was before he walked back into my life. Such a waste of a wonderful young man I used to know.

Lynne
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Old 04-17-2007, 07:30 PM
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Two in 100,000 eh? Well Welcome to "Sober Recovery", I Guarantee you there's more than "2" recovering crack addicts on this board.

I have heard many of the same comments before that you all have made
about crystal meth users. They are meth heads, speed freaks, they don't
recovery, they steal, lie, once they are hooked they're is no turning back.
I have news for you, Meth Addicts do recover just like Crack Addicts.

I'm not sure why you all are here trying to convince everyone how horrible
crack addicts are, and how they should be given up on, convincing people to
lose hope, But we don't or try not to lose or give up hope here.
The kindness of the people on This forum, the way they reach out to ANY

addict when they need help is more helpful to them than you could ever imagine.
If they want to give up hope, that is a decision they can make on their own.

Your bit on "The things Crack Heads Say" is not something we laugh or joke about.
This board is full of Family and Friends and addicts as well,
sorry but we don't give up on each other here. We don't see things as one sided here.
Must be why we have more than #2 recovered crack addicts.

Everyday I am here I learn more and more why SR is #1 on Google, why we are so successful,
why people keep coming back, The people here make this place work.... Sorry but it's true,
People on this board recover every single day, so don't you dare try and take hope away from these people that their loved one may be the next one in recovery.


All The Best....
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Old 04-17-2007, 07:44 PM
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Whoa....sorry...hope I didn't hit a nerve. In my heart I still hope my ex finds recovery & I see him again. I met him when he was 11. A wonderful young man. Watched him grow up until I moved when he was 18. 16 years later he walks back into my life. And we become a couple. I still feel guilt over things I might have done years ago to keep him from going down that long path. And I did everything I could. I do NOT trash my ex. I just have to accept what he is TODAY!!!! I finally left after he beat me up 4 times in 4 years. And the last time he got high he told me he'd kill me before he'd go back to jail. He blamed me for where he is, what he's done & why he's living with a woman he can't stand. I stood behind this man. I loved him more than anyone else. And I FIRMLY believe that he loved me the best he knew how. But I wasn't willing to die because he got high/drunk & killed me. When we were apart in 2003 for 3 weeks he beat a woman so badly, she was in the hospital a long time. And he said she deserved it.

I hope I am not giving you the wrong idea. That's why I have nothing to do with Crack Reality anymore. My ex for 6 years was a miracle. And I do NOT see him as a bad person...he is a sick person.

I guess we all have our ways of dealing with this. I've known my ex before drugs, in sobriety & relapse & he loved me more than I ever knew possible. He taught me how to love again. And it still hurts that he is gone. When I called to offer condolences in January on his mother's death, the man I knew wasn't there. He was cold, hard & mean. I don't know what you were like when you used, but he becomes someone I can't be with. And it kills me that he has chosen to go back to that life of pain & misery when we had it all together.

Sorry....if you misunderstood.

Crack Reality was too "gloom & doom" for me. I have things that were written to me by those people that are cold & heartless. When I was in rehab most of our counselors were recovering addicts with more than 5 years.

Lynne
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Old 04-17-2007, 07:50 PM
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(((Blackrose))) that wasn't meant to you...
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Old 04-17-2007, 07:56 PM
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Sorry. Just sometimes a little more sensitive, that's all. Since my ex walked back into my life in 1997, I have done more than anyone ever has for him. And I gave until I could give no more. Of course, psychiatrists have told me that there is more wrong than just the addiction. (He watched his father kill his 1 year old sister when he was 3 among other things). It still hurts me to think that he'd rather die than get clean/sober. He was diagnosed with cirrhosis about 4 years ago & the people he is with now don't care if he drinks or not. He just moved across the street from a major drug house back home & told me he is trying to get clean. I guess what hurts the worst is that no matter where he is or who he is with....they don't care. This bimbo has gone through more men than I go through underwear in 50 years. She uses one & when he either dies or goes to prison, she moves on. His kids do nothing & have done nothing even when I mentioned interventions. I seemed to be the only one who believed & cared. And I feel like such a failure that I couldn't help anymore. But there is something inside him that causes the violence & the drug use & until he will deal with that...I can't do anymore.

How long have you been clean & sober??

Lynne
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