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Old 04-18-2007, 05:42 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I have never visited the site being mentioned and know now that I never will....

my RAS' doc was crack ...
as many may know he is in recovery...(11 months clean)

I do agree that long term assistance is crucial but that doesn't indicate hopelessness that indicates patience

I do not know what the future holds for my son (nor does anyone else know what will be in their lives)
but I know that I will live a life of hope because miracles do happen (only they are not in the form of mystical revelations...they are the results of hard work and determination)

and may I add:
"Done With It"...I love you!!....you are a remarkable young woman and I claim you as a daughter (I've been wanting to tell you that for awhile!)
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Old 04-18-2007, 07:58 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Thanks for sharing this lil.....my husband's DOC is crack as well and he has 21 months. See - we're already blowing the stats out of the water. It is a chronic disease but there is always hope. I like the tone and compassion a lot better at SR. The stages of grief say that anger is one of the phases.....that is what I found at crackreality. I ended up feeling really bad and just never returned.

Done - great job with what you said.

Love, Donna
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Old 04-18-2007, 09:00 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I felt the same way. They are VERY angry. And I couldn't deal with that. I still very much love the man I knew. And I truly believe that somewhere, deep inside, is the man I loved. I can't give up hoping on a man I knew since he was 11. He didn't start out life as an addict. And for 6 years he WAS clean & sober. So, in my mind, there is always hope.

Lynne
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Old 04-18-2007, 10:21 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Hello Everyone,

If I remember correctly this all started because someone had recommended CR…..I see no reason that any site should be blasted because it differs from another and from what I have seen there are many with memberships to both sites…….we are all looking for the same thing…..…how to survive…..

Merle, as a parent of an addict, I can feel your pain and understand your hope…..I will have hope as long as I live and no one on either board has ever suggested to me it should be otherwise……I am “a want to know” type of person, I wanted to know everything I could about my son’s DOC, was it hard, Oh yes….but for me I needed to have all of the facts, in order for me to stay strong in my recovery…..we all do what we can live with, was told to me many times…and what may work for me, certainly is not for everyone or the only way…..

I think the main difference I find in the two sites is at CR, the only focus is on the spouse, parent, BF, GF. Etc…..on their recovery, their learning to deal with the harsh facts of addiction and about crack to be realistic……the recovery rate is extremely low, but not impossible….nothing is, and I am sorry if some feel that was the message…..On CR, as with SR, it is a diverse group and each is allowed to post, vent, question or do whatever it takes to get to a place where they can make healthy choices about their life and move ahead……some get through the heartache with anger, some with hurt, all with sadness……..

I applaud anyone who can beat this terrible addiction or any addiction for that matter…..It surely takes a special person with a lifetime commitment to sobriety…..I just wish there was more of them…….
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Old 04-18-2007, 11:29 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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You have to take into consideration; that SoberRecovery is for recovering addicts/alcoholics. The “Friends and Family” section is just a sub-forum within the recovery community.

This site is all about hope for recovery; there is very little support for someone truly in NC, as most folks here do have an addict in their lives.

I am grateful that someone posted the link to CR. Because that is where I am finding support for my own particular path. Both of these forums have taught me a lot. I see no need to pit one, against the other,

It causes me unimaginable pain to have had to decide, that my baby has no contact with her father. I have no doubt that he loved her, but he is very ill, and in his dementia, he would have destroyed her (us).

I don’t doubt that it was the best decision for her, but I regret that I had to make it, every single day. Over at CR I am reminded of what I am protecting her from, and it helps lesson the pain I feel about her not having a dad.

I had a choice, not to raise my child with an addict, recovering or otherwise, and I took it. Sometimes I can’t stand to read anymore, about the babies and children being damaged for the sake of “hope of recovery”.

Some might see CR. as having no compassion for addicted persons, but I see it as getting your priorities in order. I loved my daughter’s father. But I have a responsibility to protect,and guide her life, that’s priority number one.

We are all struggling. We can all learn from each other. I am grateful to both forums for the providing the balance I need.

JSM
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Old 04-18-2007, 01:17 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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iluvmickey, Sorry but I don't need to know that my daughter will have sex with whoever and that she will laugh at the johns that she takes money from to stay strong in my recovery. That one from the book, CrackReality is just too much for any mother to handle. Marle
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Old 04-18-2007, 01:54 PM
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Yep. And there was actually another site that gave me the "real" perspective from addicts in recovery & they are not ALL like that. I was told to dump my ex...he was a "loser, from day 1" & would "never be anything else". And when I expressed how it hurt to move on....some woman really laid into me about all addicts being NOTHING & that NONE of them were any good. Well, that's a problem for me because I came through a rehab & some of the people there who saved my life....were recovering crack addicts...even though I was a drunk.

Maybe we shouldn't recommend another site when we are here. Everyone needs something different. I got what I needed from that site. And I do know that not all addicts are trading sex for their drugs nor are all men trash & not to be trusted when they use. You have to remember that this comes from a man who did his research in the worst part of town. And was very much hurt by a woman he tried to help. I have not heard one story of hope or recovery when I was on that site. And I have plenty of personal email from the author of that book telling me what a waste my ex was. And just like some of you parents....I met this man when he was 11. (Long story) I am more than his ex....& it hurts to think that a man that had SO much potential & worked so hard at one time to get clean & sober should be just thrown in the trash because he gave up on himself.

I guess this thread is really hitting nerves.

Lynne
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Old 04-18-2007, 02:17 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Merle, I feel so sorry for all of us parents....we could have never imagined this journey when we held those bright, beautiful babies and dreamed of their futures........It is hard on anyone that loves an addict but IMHO it is hardest on the parents...There is a bond there like no other, we cannot walk away or start a new life, they are a part of our very being......I certainly was not suggesting that anyone read, learn or go anywhere that is hurtful to them....we have had enough hurt to last a lifetime....I was simply stating what worked for me....as you well know we must each find our own way, in our time and seek healing in the way that is right for us.

I pray each day for the addicts because each of them is someone's child and most importantly because we are all HP's children....

Peace,
Mickey
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Old 04-18-2007, 03:00 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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If we understand addiction and that addicts will lie to us, use us, and hurt us, why is it necessary to know all the gory details to get yourself into recovery. Someday if my daughter finds recovery, I would not want her to spill her guts about all of the hedonistic things she might have had to do to support her addiction. That is between her and God. All I want to know is that in order to protect myself, I need to work my recovery and let her work hers. I don't need to bash or belittle her. Compassion can work even if you must keep your distance to feel it. No one wants to do the things that addicts do to get their drugs. My daughter never wanted to live the existence she is living today. The details of that life, I don't want to know. That is not denial, that is self preservation. Marle
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Old 04-18-2007, 04:39 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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It’s amazing how upset people are getting over CR. There’s a simple solution, don’t go there. Problem solved. It’s also amazing to me that people can read post after post, here at SR. like these (paraphrased) examples:

I just let my “A” drink and use, in the house (my kid was in her room),
Because she only had a little bit and said she was trying to “taper”. Then (surprise!) big fight ensued when a wanted to go get more.)

"A" came to my house and threatend me, but NO, I didn't call the cops this time...

My kid (s) is/are, hurt/angry, when he/she doesn’t show up.

Now my little girl needs to take more of the medicine she needs to deal with AH.

I found drugs in the house, what do I do now.

We let our son back home, but his behavior disgusts us so were giving him the cold shoulder until we (get up the guts to) kick him out! (Again).

He robbed grandma, she stole the car, we hide food so the kids can eat…and ON and ON it goes!

And the only thing that bothers you, is that some other site doesn’t do things YOUR way?
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Old 04-18-2007, 05:07 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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i'm a crack addict with 5 yrs clean, i slipped for a short period of time, very short, but before that, i had 9 yrs clean and living with a now recovering crack addict husband of 21 yrs. i believe in detachment but i also believe that there is always hope, it just depends on how long a person wants to wait and i don't believe that you have to wait in the mist of the chaos, in my opinion, you can wait and learn how to enjoy life alone or if you have to. i also believe that love ones can find peace in their lives without throwing away the addict. i honestly have to thank god that my family did not give up hope that i wouldn't seek to recover, they did detach but they never gave up hope and they didn't put their lives on hold, waiting on me.

just to note, there are a lot of addicts that do a lot of different things but all addicts DO NOT fall in the same catagory.some do and some don't

Last edited by teke; 04-18-2007 at 05:22 PM.
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Old 04-18-2007, 05:32 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Joesentme, I find your remarks harsh, judgemental and offensive. I think it's time to play nice or don't play.

You have to take into consideration; that SoberRecovery is for recovering addicts/alcoholics. The “Friends and Family” section is just a sub-forum within the recovery community.
We are definitely not "JUST" a subforum. We are a forum equal to any other forum here. As a matter of fact, we are the forum with the most traffic, most threads, posts and members. We recently lost our forum in a crash so the numbers on the front may not inidcate that, but at last glance we were well over 250,000 posts.

These forums are for all of us, addict and codie alike and I consider every forum here important and equally relevant.

If you find that other site more amicable to your recovery, then please, by all means go there and share your heart out. Maybe talk about us here like several who have been posting here have done over there.

We don't have to like your site, those who do are welcome to visit whenever they want. But we definitely don't like people from your site coming over here and flaming our members and then running back there to report your latest findings.

We are a softer more compassionate group here, but don't let that fool you, we are a strong courageous group too. We make our choices based on what is best for us, not on what you or your group may think of us.

If you don't like our means of recovery, don't come here. It's simple, yes.

If you want what we have, then stick around and maybe do a little less talking and a little more listening and we'd be happy to share with you.

Your choice. But making fun of our members will not be tolerated.

Hugs (regardless of that site making fun of our hugs, I'll give one anyway)
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Old 04-18-2007, 05:38 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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i don't have but one thank you button, i need another one ann.
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Old 04-18-2007, 05:40 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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((Teke))
You're so cute honey.
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Old 04-18-2007, 06:14 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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I was pointing out that SR is a forum dedicated to recovery from addiction, and Family and Friends here support that recovery, the CR site is not (specifically) for recovering from addiction, (although there are some recovering A’s there.), as that would make a difference in the type of postings. I was not bashing the F&F forum here.

I’m not even a member of CR and already you predict that I will post about our members here at SR on MY site? Several people from CR have quoted SR now?

How on earth did you find me guilty of “making fun of our members”?

I have offered support here, whenever I could. I have read and shared, and I don’t believe I deserved the anger you spewed forth in that last post. I have strong opinions as do you, I believe children should be protected, that doesn’t make me a mean, uncompassionate person, I notice there is zero tolerance for those who don’t conform to “Groupthink”.

I hope you feel better now. Thanks for the “hug”.
JSM
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Old 04-18-2007, 06:20 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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I think this thread has about run its course and that closing it now might be the best thing.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts, please take what you want and leave the rest.

Hugs
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