rose

Through this whole mess, I have come to a time when I am tired of the space that I am living in...mentally and physically.

Through each stage of moving on I have had hesitations and doubts, support and encouragement...but until I was ready inside would I take that step. Me and only me knew I was ready. I guess what I am referring to mainly is being told to cut off contact with AH...knowing that I should but really coming to the point that I knew inside this is what I have to do and I was mentally ready for it.

After this was making the move for a divorce...again I knew it had to be done, but until I was ready and I knew again inside that I was ready did I make the move to proceed. I think it is really important to have that feeling of knowing inside this is the right thing to do for you, being content within with the choices you are making. Nobody knows us inside like we know ourselves. We each have our own processing time and thoughts so we all proceed in our own time.

I am now at the point of making another move, again I feel ready inside. I want to move from this house. It is my goal to be out of here by Christmas, but I don't know if I am being unreal about it. I feel strapped here and really financially it is in my best interest to move and downsize, taking a lot of the burden off of me, having to watch every dollar to a tee is draining and worrisome.

I just feel that putting a time on to reach this goal makes me strive and gives me a sight of light at the end of the tunnel. I am emotionally ready but is setting this goal to a time a set up....

Rose

Amanda930

Its good to set goals for yourself. Just remember though you may keep putting it off. Come June you may say to yourself " Oh have until December". You also have to think how you are financially, like you said it would be in your best interest to downsize keep that in mind. Hope everything goes well. Keep us posted.

aasharon90

I too have made changes in my life..
in my recovery....Thru help and guidance
from Above I returned to my own home-
town here in Baton Rouge after living
in Houston for 10 yrs.....and a marriage
of 25....Im just going thru the separation
period right now.....

I am grateful and happy today than i have
been in a long time....

Still i havent a clue as to what will
happen down the road....so I keep
turning my will and life over to my
HP.

I am on my own....,my own apt...my
own job....but not finacially on my
own yet.....

I knew deep down for the past 10 yrs
how unhappy i was and i can only
believe today things happen for a
reason....

Today im here to work my recovery
program to the best of my ability and
help the next person in recovery
achieve sobriety...

Thanks for letting me share here.

teke

i think that you are doing good, you are setting goals and it shows that you are focusing on how you can make your own life a little less stressful. keeping you and yours in my prayers.

hope213

setting goals is a good thing.if you do not make it by christmas it is still your goal & you will do it.it is something to look forward too each day.i am sure you will accomplish it. look how far you have come.hugs,hope

parentrecovers

i believe in setting goals. yes, sometimes the target keeps moving - but as long as we are moving forward and taking action, we can get there. progress! blessings, k

GiveLove

Rose,

I think that setting goals is a good thing -- it gives you a framework or a structure to base your actions on. But as they say, "spit happens" and if circumstances don't go your way by Christmas, is that the end of the world? Will a bolt from the blue strike you down? I kinda doubt it.

Be gentle with yourself, Rose. Do your best, and shrug and try again if your timeframe doesn't work out. This is all about what's best for YOU, and if the stress of it outweighs the good feeling you'll get by meeting your goal, then it's time to change your goal.

Start a little worksheet for yourself: What do you need in order to move out and into a smaller place? How much money? How many bedrooms, realistically, will you want? One plus a guest room? Where might you want to live? These small plans can be very joyful, as you visualize your new life.

When I finally left my XABF, I moved from a 4-bedroom, 3-bath, three-story house into a 750 square foot place. I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER IN MY LIFE.

The space was manageable, easier to clean, and all mine. There was a fireplace I could sit in front of on cold nights, a nice front porch with a swing for summer days, a tiny yard in back where I could grow flowers and vegetables....and too small to have to mow! I had a small extra bedroom that doubled as my office whenever I didn't have guests. I got rid of all of the JUNK of my previous life, all the things I didn't need, all the clothes I didn't wear, the cluttered things that I didn't even like any more.

It felt like I was a thousand pounds lighter. Wonderful, wonderful. I wish the same for you, Rose. You deserve it after all you've been through.

Make a nice plan, and live with it for a while until (as you've said) it feels right. Consider even going and looking at some places. That's wonderful inspiration.

Love and support,
GiveLove

rose

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on it.

I have seen some places that I like, I know by the time I move they will be gone but something else will be there for me. For so long this place was my security place and the thought of leaving just made me shiver, plus it was in the best interest to keep things the same for the boys while they were young. They were 12 and 14 when this all started now they are 16 and 18, young men, I am sure the oldest will be moving out in the near future and the youngest will be driving soon. I have to do for me now, I have put up this struggle to keep it together but it is time to move on. I have every intent of finding a 3 bedroom place...one bedroom for me one for the dogs and one for the cat...ha ha.

Givelove...your place sounds great! I bet you are happy there, something I would like as well.

Rose

outonalimb

(((Rose)))))

I had a timeline for myself too.

Some things happened on schedule...
but most of them didn't...but I can honestly say, looking back, that EVERYTHING happened just as it was supposed to.

I remember looking at houses...seeing ones I liked...dreaming about them...even though I wasn't in a place financially to buy one yet. A couple of ones that I really loved slipped thru my fingers...and although I felt impatient at the time...and like I had really missed out on something good...I can see so clearly now that my HP's timing was way better than mine.

I'm so glad that you're looking forward like this Rose.
Beautiful things await you...I just know it!!!

Hugs

rose

I having been feeling so strapped, I have a decent job, but still one your own with 2 teen boys isn't cheap...and not a dime from their dad to help. I started to look at finding 2nd job for nights and went out last Monday and dropped off some resumes. I just feel so captive as nothing has moved with this lawyer and I can't do a darn thing until it goes to court, so until this happens finding another job seemed to be my only option.

The steps I have taken to get some fire under this lawyers have not worked so I do have another lawyer looking at it, he can't take it on, but he is going to get me going on the right path to get this over with. I am on a mission and watch out.

I really have so much to do here before I can sell it, I just don't know where to start...

Rose

dollydo

Rose,

I think your plan is a good one, eliminating the financial stress will help you.

Start slowly, get the house cleaned up, paint where necessary, toss, toss and toss somemore.

You have two able bodied sons, put them to work, and don't take no for an answer. They can help you clean up and purge.

Your older son should have a job and be contributing to the bills, paying room and board. It will give him some responsibility, and help you.

You can do this,
Hugs,
Dolly