Sound familiar?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: charlotte,NC
Posts: 111
Sound familiar?
I was doing some research for my blog, and I found this description of the sociopath:
Everyone should be wary of an individual who has glib charm, a soothing voice, a penetrating gaze, dramatic gestures, and engages in meaningless flattery and vague/inconsistent responses to personal questions. When a psychopath complains of how others treat him, it should be remembered who the real victims are likely to be.
INTRODUCTION
Callous, deceitful, reckless, guiltless, often intimidating and sometimes violent is the standard description of psychopaths, whose maladaptive patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving impair their daily functioning and disrupt the lives of those around them. Sociopathy in males has more serious implications than in females, and this disorder is found three times more often in men than in women.
The psychopath understands the wishes and concerns of others; he simply does not care. He believes that he has the right to do what he wants and to take what he can. He manipulates others by deception and/or intimidation, has an inflated opinion of himself and seeks out, then uses, the weaknesses he finds in others. There is no fair mindedness, no self doubt, no compassion or true affection.
THE PSYCHOPATHIC EXPERIENCE
The psychopath believes that rules and morals are for other, weaker people who obey because they fear punishment. He feels indifference and contempt for these others, who “have it coming.”
No matter how bright, and a psychopath is often very bright, he rarely maintains a regular job, pays his debts or serves the role of a responsible parent. He repeatedly abuses, abandons, or betrays sexual partners and any children he produces. It is estimated that 15-20% of prisoners carry this diagnosis. Conning and manipulating others is a way of life. For the woman in his life, he may have an ingratiating manner and superficial charm, be persuasive, poised and self-assured because he lacks the (self)conscious feelings that others would have. Lying, evasiveness, feigned forgetfulness, vague and inconsistent answers about his past...his goal is partially to confuse and manipulate, but he also is indifferent to the truth. And he will lie simply for the fun of it, so much so that he eventually becomes caught. Yet even when cornered and confessing, he will offer flimsy excuses or insincere apologies and then go back to lying again.
THE SOCIAL LIFE OF THE SOCIOPATH
The sociopath or psychopath is incapable of loyalty, shame or guilt. He has no lasting close relationships. Although quick to anger and often irritable, he rarely feels sustained hatred since people mean so little to him.
What he refers to as love is, in fact, sexual attraction, a desire for flattery, physical comfort or material support. Quick to rage, he is often shallow and holds grievances toward anyone whom he perceives to be in his way. He refers to his own crimes as harmless pranks. He will often watch others for a clue of what emotion a situation demands. When he calls sadness is the failure of his most recent manipulative attempts.
The range of the antisocial personality is narcissism (self love) on one side and paranoia/sadism on the other. The narcissistic psychopath is less likely to be violent than the paranoid/sadistic. Hotheaded and coldhearted, he is provoked by perceived challenges to his inflated opinion of himself, is more likely to attack male strangers and more likely to respond to trivial or even non-existent provocations.
There may be two groups of psychopathic individuals: a. one who knows how to be glib, selfish, callous and deceitful and b. another group who is thrill-seeking, irresponsible, self-defeating, impulsive and lawbreaking. Due to short patience and impulsivity, the second group has recurrent problems with the law. The first group, however, can be more intelligent than individuals around him and achieve social success while doing appreciable damage in his public and private life.
Such individuals are more troublesome than troubled. They do not suffer the consequences of their own actions. They may be bored, tense, irritable and have physical complaints as well as inconvenient rages, but they do not emotionally pay for their own mistakes.
Anti-social individuals not only rely upon alcohol and illicit drugs from very early in life (and represent a very difficult group to treat); they are also among those most likely to traffic in drugs.
Everyone should be wary of an individual who has glib charm, a soothing voice, a penetrating gaze, dramatic gestures, and engages in meaningless flattery and vague/inconsistent responses to personal questions. When a psychopath complains of how others treat him, it should be remembered who the real victims are likely to be.
INTRODUCTION
Callous, deceitful, reckless, guiltless, often intimidating and sometimes violent is the standard description of psychopaths, whose maladaptive patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving impair their daily functioning and disrupt the lives of those around them. Sociopathy in males has more serious implications than in females, and this disorder is found three times more often in men than in women.
The psychopath understands the wishes and concerns of others; he simply does not care. He believes that he has the right to do what he wants and to take what he can. He manipulates others by deception and/or intimidation, has an inflated opinion of himself and seeks out, then uses, the weaknesses he finds in others. There is no fair mindedness, no self doubt, no compassion or true affection.
THE PSYCHOPATHIC EXPERIENCE
The psychopath believes that rules and morals are for other, weaker people who obey because they fear punishment. He feels indifference and contempt for these others, who “have it coming.”
No matter how bright, and a psychopath is often very bright, he rarely maintains a regular job, pays his debts or serves the role of a responsible parent. He repeatedly abuses, abandons, or betrays sexual partners and any children he produces. It is estimated that 15-20% of prisoners carry this diagnosis. Conning and manipulating others is a way of life. For the woman in his life, he may have an ingratiating manner and superficial charm, be persuasive, poised and self-assured because he lacks the (self)conscious feelings that others would have. Lying, evasiveness, feigned forgetfulness, vague and inconsistent answers about his past...his goal is partially to confuse and manipulate, but he also is indifferent to the truth. And he will lie simply for the fun of it, so much so that he eventually becomes caught. Yet even when cornered and confessing, he will offer flimsy excuses or insincere apologies and then go back to lying again.
THE SOCIAL LIFE OF THE SOCIOPATH
The sociopath or psychopath is incapable of loyalty, shame or guilt. He has no lasting close relationships. Although quick to anger and often irritable, he rarely feels sustained hatred since people mean so little to him.
What he refers to as love is, in fact, sexual attraction, a desire for flattery, physical comfort or material support. Quick to rage, he is often shallow and holds grievances toward anyone whom he perceives to be in his way. He refers to his own crimes as harmless pranks. He will often watch others for a clue of what emotion a situation demands. When he calls sadness is the failure of his most recent manipulative attempts.
The range of the antisocial personality is narcissism (self love) on one side and paranoia/sadism on the other. The narcissistic psychopath is less likely to be violent than the paranoid/sadistic. Hotheaded and coldhearted, he is provoked by perceived challenges to his inflated opinion of himself, is more likely to attack male strangers and more likely to respond to trivial or even non-existent provocations.
There may be two groups of psychopathic individuals: a. one who knows how to be glib, selfish, callous and deceitful and b. another group who is thrill-seeking, irresponsible, self-defeating, impulsive and lawbreaking. Due to short patience and impulsivity, the second group has recurrent problems with the law. The first group, however, can be more intelligent than individuals around him and achieve social success while doing appreciable damage in his public and private life.
Such individuals are more troublesome than troubled. They do not suffer the consequences of their own actions. They may be bored, tense, irritable and have physical complaints as well as inconvenient rages, but they do not emotionally pay for their own mistakes.
Anti-social individuals not only rely upon alcohol and illicit drugs from very early in life (and represent a very difficult group to treat); they are also among those most likely to traffic in drugs.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Not so much for me, actually. The addicts I know are not often this:
I think the addicts I "know" are often guilt-ridden and the behaviors they exhibit that may be callous or deceitful disappear immeditately upon getting sober.
But that is my experience, and it may be quite different from what others have experienced. Also, since I got into program myself, I attend a lot of Alanon and AA meetings with recovering addicts... so I get to SEE the person beneath the addiction.
Which gives me hope for my kids... one in and one out right now.
((hugs))
Callous, deceitful, reckless, guiltless, often intimidating and sometimes violent is the standard description of psychopaths,
But that is my experience, and it may be quite different from what others have experienced. Also, since I got into program myself, I attend a lot of Alanon and AA meetings with recovering addicts... so I get to SEE the person beneath the addiction.
Which gives me hope for my kids... one in and one out right now.
((hugs))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: charlotte,NC
Posts: 111
You know, with my husband, the issue of guilt is strange. I can sense when he's feeling guilty about something, so I guess he does experience the feeling of guilt (and from the description, a sociopath wouldn't feel it at all). But it is extremely rare that he will admit that he has done something that he is feeling guilty about.
For instance, he owes his younger sister a hundred dollars. Instead of admitting that he lied to his sister and manipulated her into giving him money that he then spent on drugs, he rants about how he has given her so much money in the past, how he practically raised her, how she doesn't need the money and she'll just go spend it on a purse or new shoes. He refuses to face the fact that it is her money, that he lied, and that what he's done is wrong.
For me, that is one of the most insidious aspects of addiction as a disease--the way it allows the addict to lie to himself. I guess it comes from the way they have to lie to themselves to keep using--but it infects so many other parts of their lives, enabling them to lie to themselves and deny the effects of their using on their own lives and others.
He is always concocting this wild plans that we can't afford to carry through, and I think part of why he has these fantasies is because he doesn't want to face the fact that he has really done a number on our financial life.
Blah. Rant rant rant.
I need to find a way to get some serenity for myself. I think I'm going to go home, lie down, and read read read something good.
For instance, he owes his younger sister a hundred dollars. Instead of admitting that he lied to his sister and manipulated her into giving him money that he then spent on drugs, he rants about how he has given her so much money in the past, how he practically raised her, how she doesn't need the money and she'll just go spend it on a purse or new shoes. He refuses to face the fact that it is her money, that he lied, and that what he's done is wrong.
For me, that is one of the most insidious aspects of addiction as a disease--the way it allows the addict to lie to himself. I guess it comes from the way they have to lie to themselves to keep using--but it infects so many other parts of their lives, enabling them to lie to themselves and deny the effects of their using on their own lives and others.
He is always concocting this wild plans that we can't afford to carry through, and I think part of why he has these fantasies is because he doesn't want to face the fact that he has really done a number on our financial life.
Blah. Rant rant rant.
I need to find a way to get some serenity for myself. I think I'm going to go home, lie down, and read read read something good.
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