Grounded in Reality
 

After my slip the other day I really worked on reminding myself that the "old" triggers to which I would respond with panic and hysteria in attempts to control CAN be replaced with other more healthier reactions.

Trouble is I am trying it hard to still stay grounded in reality in terms of loving an addict- even a recovering one. Has anyone else found it difficult to detach in the sense that I need to constantly remind myself that this is him and then this is me? One minute I am entitled to my own opinions, feelings, dreams, goals, actions etc. and that regardless of what he says and does but, then I can subconciously it seems, get sucked back into a place where I begin obsessing and freaking out over the most minute things.

Every physical and verbal interaction we have, it seems I must conciously be aware of staying detached and grounded in MY reality and not victim to his words and behavior.
Has anyone found ways that help one remain detached in interactions with their addict? Sometimes I feel myself being sucked back in without even realizing it. I then become aware of it later when I react in an unhealthy way to something that happens.

i just sometimes have to remind myself that this is a disease. blessings, k

You need a vacation from him Dear;

Thank you for posting this Angel- I feel the exact same way. Sometimes I feel like I am doing SOOO good and then all at once "BAM" I find myself sucked back into my crazy codependent ways.

I think it just takes time, the longer we try to practice being good to ourselves and focus on taking care of us the easier it will become-hopefully!

for me, what you are already doing is what i find i have to do, keep reminding yourself until it becomes habit, then you'll find that it won't be such a struggle. the good thing is that you've already gotten to the point where you can catch your actions and change them. yes it is a struggle sometimes, thats why its important to stay focused on you and not him. it is a little easier when your not living in the mist of it all. still praying for ya.

Thanks all.
I am trying VERY hard to mentally separate during all of our convos. It is difficult because I still want to have that connection with him.

heather,
I think you are doing great. I am also working on detaching from my son and I do get caught up in his drama. Space from him helps. Waiting to respond and thinking things over. Just becoming aware of how we are enmeshed in their world is a HUGE step. As time goes on, you will make a habit of responding in the correct way. Of course there will be occasional lapses, but hey we are only human! We live and learn.
krhea

it takes a lot of work with our recovery.lots.... it works if you work it. i take a day at a time & try to keep the focus on me & what i am suppose to be doing.hugs,

Recovery from codependency is difficult at best. You are making some strides, and it will take time for you to understand the cause and effect of loving an addict.

Firstly, you must remember he will always be an addict, it's just a matter of whether he is active or not....that's it...this is a disease that has no cure.

Secondly, you can either be proactive or reactive to his behavior, if you keep getting dragged back in, limit your conversations with him...take a break, it is not the end of the world.

Lastly, feed your subconcious mind with the thought of detaching, every night before you go to sleep say "I will detach from XYZ" eventually your concious mind will believe it and things will get easier.

Detaching doesn't mean physically running away, it is a mindset that keeps your bounderies in place.

I still think you are over analyzing this detaching process, rather than trying to figure it out, take some more steps to put the wheels into motion.

My Best,
Dolly