I can't be okay when he's like this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 2
I can't be okay when he's like this.
I am in love with someone who is not in love with me and never has been. I am in love with someone who is an alcoholic, a heroine and coke addict and a person who actively uses anything and everything he can get his hands on. I am in love with someone who lives on the other side of the country. And there’s nothing I can do to change it.
I get that he’s got a disease an addiction. That he can’t stop, that I can’t make him stop. I know that stopping has to come from him. And that it’s got nothing to me. His life. His body. His choice. I could yell, scream or even just talk to him until I was blue in the face but it wouldn’t change a thing. It has to come from him. I understand that.
And maybe this is because I’m only 18, maybe I’m immature, I don’t know.
But it makes me angry. It makes me angry that he can’t be the person that I love. It makes me angry that he’s screwing up his life. It makes me angry that he doesn’t care enough about people to want to help himself. It makes me angry that the fact that I love him isn’t reason enough for him to stop. I feel so selfish sometimes, so unreasonable, so stupid and so ignorant.
He’s the one who’s had a harder life then anyone should ever have. He’s the one who puts his life at risk every single day. And I’m the one who acts like it’s my problem. I’m the one who gets angry and upset instead of trying to be there for him. He needs someone and I’m too self-absorbed to selfish to even be there for him.
I don’t like what he can do to me. I want him to be who he used to be and the fact that he isn’t kills me. The fact that there isn’t a single thing I can do to get that person back, is what kills me. That’s selfish.
I don’t want to love him anymore. I don’t want to care. I’m sick of being hurt over and over and over and over again.
But it’s like I’m caught in the middle of myself. I can’t let him go. But he’s destroying me.
His addiction is my downfall. That’s a huge problem. That’s not right. That’s not how it should be. It’s his addiction, his life, not mine. But I love him, I love him so much and to sit here helpless, wishing things aren’t the way they are…it tears me apart.
And I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know where to turn or who to go to. He’s always been the person, the only person I even counted on. The only person I’d trusted in an extremely long time. It was a stupid idea, and it won’t happen again.
But now I’m stuck, I’m stuck being in love with a drug addict. And it’s dangerous, it’s very very dangerous because by doing the things he does he makes me barley able to hold on, barley able to make it through the day.
But I can’t let him go.
I get that he’s got a disease an addiction. That he can’t stop, that I can’t make him stop. I know that stopping has to come from him. And that it’s got nothing to me. His life. His body. His choice. I could yell, scream or even just talk to him until I was blue in the face but it wouldn’t change a thing. It has to come from him. I understand that.
And maybe this is because I’m only 18, maybe I’m immature, I don’t know.
But it makes me angry. It makes me angry that he can’t be the person that I love. It makes me angry that he’s screwing up his life. It makes me angry that he doesn’t care enough about people to want to help himself. It makes me angry that the fact that I love him isn’t reason enough for him to stop. I feel so selfish sometimes, so unreasonable, so stupid and so ignorant.
He’s the one who’s had a harder life then anyone should ever have. He’s the one who puts his life at risk every single day. And I’m the one who acts like it’s my problem. I’m the one who gets angry and upset instead of trying to be there for him. He needs someone and I’m too self-absorbed to selfish to even be there for him.
I don’t like what he can do to me. I want him to be who he used to be and the fact that he isn’t kills me. The fact that there isn’t a single thing I can do to get that person back, is what kills me. That’s selfish.
I don’t want to love him anymore. I don’t want to care. I’m sick of being hurt over and over and over and over again.
But it’s like I’m caught in the middle of myself. I can’t let him go. But he’s destroying me.
His addiction is my downfall. That’s a huge problem. That’s not right. That’s not how it should be. It’s his addiction, his life, not mine. But I love him, I love him so much and to sit here helpless, wishing things aren’t the way they are…it tears me apart.
And I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know where to turn or who to go to. He’s always been the person, the only person I even counted on. The only person I’d trusted in an extremely long time. It was a stupid idea, and it won’t happen again.
But now I’m stuck, I’m stuck being in love with a drug addict. And it’s dangerous, it’s very very dangerous because by doing the things he does he makes me barley able to hold on, barley able to make it through the day.
But I can’t let him go.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Welcome, I am sorry that you are hurting and cannot let go.
Have you attended any meetings? They will help.
He cannot destroy you, it is you, who is doing this to yourself. He doesn't have the power to do this. You are internalizing him, his problems instead of focusing on you.
The only person you can control is you, the only person you can save is you.
Others will be here to offer support and wisdom.
Keep posting, it will help.
Have you attended any meetings? They will help.
He cannot destroy you, it is you, who is doing this to yourself. He doesn't have the power to do this. You are internalizing him, his problems instead of focusing on you.
The only person you can control is you, the only person you can save is you.
Others will be here to offer support and wisdom.
Keep posting, it will help.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
welcome to sr, sorry that you are hurting so bad, you are so young and you do have your whole life ahead of you, you are so right its not fair to you but its not your fault and your not selfish or stupid, you only love an addict like most of us here do. the addict in my life is my husband of 21yrs and i've been going through the same things, same hurts over and over and over again. you're not alone, we all have been hurt by ones we love so much. we are all here to help each other and we all want to walk with you through all of this.
sounds like you already know that there is nothing you can do to change what is, as bad as it seems, you are so right. the only thing that you can do now that you've tried all you know to try, is try doing something to get yourself in a better place emotionally. addiction effects all who are involved with the addict. maybe it time to try to take the focus off him and onto you.we recommend alanon and naranon meetings, the book "codependent no more" and a lot of reading here and posting.
wasn't long ago that i came hear and told your exact story, i was almost in sane by the time i got here, but these kind,understand and wise people here have help to save my sanity. you can and will get better too. stick around others will be along shorty to further share their hopes and strengths along with a few hugs and prayers. i'm keeping you and yours in my prayers.
sounds like you already know that there is nothing you can do to change what is, as bad as it seems, you are so right. the only thing that you can do now that you've tried all you know to try, is try doing something to get yourself in a better place emotionally. addiction effects all who are involved with the addict. maybe it time to try to take the focus off him and onto you.we recommend alanon and naranon meetings, the book "codependent no more" and a lot of reading here and posting.
wasn't long ago that i came hear and told your exact story, i was almost in sane by the time i got here, but these kind,understand and wise people here have help to save my sanity. you can and will get better too. stick around others will be along shorty to further share their hopes and strengths along with a few hugs and prayers. i'm keeping you and yours in my prayers.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Hi, welcome...I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling...the hurt and the anger. That's what brings us here and to meetings.
I'm glad you get the intellectual part of it...for some of us, that takes quite awhile...That's a good start...Keep reading and posting and try some meetings if you can. The more you work on working on this, the easier it will be to heal and feel better. Hugs
I'm glad you get the intellectual part of it...for some of us, that takes quite awhile...That's a good start...Keep reading and posting and try some meetings if you can. The more you work on working on this, the easier it will be to heal and feel better. Hugs
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Welcome to SR. I'm sorry you are in pain. Here is something I found when I first came here last November. It really helps me; I go back and read it often. I hope it helps you, too. Just remember, even though it feels like it, you are not alone. ((((HUGS))))
Are you wondering when the pain stops?
The Pain Stops: when you stop looking at the person you love as the person you love, and you begin to see them, not as a partner, a lover, or a best friend, but as a human being with the strengths and weaknesses and even the core of a child.
The Pain Stops: when you begin to accept that what you would do in a circumstance is not what they would do, and that no matter how much you try, they have to learn their own lessons, and they have to touch the stove when it's hot, just as you did, to learn that it is much better when it is cold.
The Pain Stops: when your longing for them gets slowly replaced by a desire to get away, when making love to them no longer makes you feel cherished, when you find yourself tired of waiting for the moments where the good will truly outweigh the bad, and when at the end of the day you can't count on their arms for comfort.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look inward and decide whether their presence is a gift or a curse, and whether when you need them, they cause more heartache than bliss.
The Pain Stops: when you realize that you deserve more than they offer and stop blaming them for being less than you wish. When the smile of a stranger seems more inviting and kind, and you remember what it's like to feel beautiful, and you remember how long it has been since your lover whispered something in your ear that only the two of you would know.
The Pain Stops: when you forgive them for their faults and forgive yourself for staying so long. When you know that you tried harder than you ever tried before, and you know in your heart that love should not be so much work.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look in the mirror and like who you see, and know that leaving them or losing them is no reflection of your beauty or your worth.
The Pain Stops: when the promise of a new tomorrow is just enough to start replacing the emptiness in your heart, and you start dreaming again of who you used to be and who you will become.
The Pain Stops: when you say goodbye to what never really was, and accept that somewhere in the fog you may or may not have been loved back. And you promise yourself never again to lay in arms that don't know how to cherish the kindness in your heart.
The Pain Stops: When you are ready.
Are you wondering when the pain stops?
The Pain Stops: when you stop looking at the person you love as the person you love, and you begin to see them, not as a partner, a lover, or a best friend, but as a human being with the strengths and weaknesses and even the core of a child.
The Pain Stops: when you begin to accept that what you would do in a circumstance is not what they would do, and that no matter how much you try, they have to learn their own lessons, and they have to touch the stove when it's hot, just as you did, to learn that it is much better when it is cold.
The Pain Stops: when your longing for them gets slowly replaced by a desire to get away, when making love to them no longer makes you feel cherished, when you find yourself tired of waiting for the moments where the good will truly outweigh the bad, and when at the end of the day you can't count on their arms for comfort.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look inward and decide whether their presence is a gift or a curse, and whether when you need them, they cause more heartache than bliss.
The Pain Stops: when you realize that you deserve more than they offer and stop blaming them for being less than you wish. When the smile of a stranger seems more inviting and kind, and you remember what it's like to feel beautiful, and you remember how long it has been since your lover whispered something in your ear that only the two of you would know.
The Pain Stops: when you forgive them for their faults and forgive yourself for staying so long. When you know that you tried harder than you ever tried before, and you know in your heart that love should not be so much work.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look in the mirror and like who you see, and know that leaving them or losing them is no reflection of your beauty or your worth.
The Pain Stops: when the promise of a new tomorrow is just enough to start replacing the emptiness in your heart, and you start dreaming again of who you used to be and who you will become.
The Pain Stops: when you say goodbye to what never really was, and accept that somewhere in the fog you may or may not have been loved back. And you promise yourself never again to lay in arms that don't know how to cherish the kindness in your heart.
The Pain Stops: When you are ready.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
I know how you feel.
I am currently wrestling with many of the same feelings, confusion and pain.
You make it sound as though you do not have a choice... And believe me, I truly believe that in the beginning it feels as though we are prisoners of our heart and of this addiction.
Educate yourself on addiction. Everyone here, all the stickies, meetings, anything you can so that you can strengthen your mind and the reality of loving an addict.
As dolly said- the only person you can save is you... is very true. When I first came here that seemed like the most foreign concept to me. Save myself? Well who cares about me. I need this man in my life and I want him to change so that we can be happy. He must be saved from this addiction. And try as I may (I am getting ALOT better) I thrust myself into his business-but because I am powerless over his choices, I ironically lost control of myself and of my feelings. So much so that I truly believed I could not stop the pain that accompanied loving an addict.
Very, very slowly I am learning that there is him and then there is me. Right now, the me side is not very strong or defined. I am still learning and educating myself on addiction helped me separate my fantasy (he WILL get better!I am positive!) from the reality (he is an addict and I have no control so I must proceed with my life.) This is a very hard concept for me to still understand, but the more I learn about myself, the easier it becomes to see the lines between where I begin and he ends.
I am currently wrestling with many of the same feelings, confusion and pain.
You make it sound as though you do not have a choice... And believe me, I truly believe that in the beginning it feels as though we are prisoners of our heart and of this addiction.
Educate yourself on addiction. Everyone here, all the stickies, meetings, anything you can so that you can strengthen your mind and the reality of loving an addict.
As dolly said- the only person you can save is you... is very true. When I first came here that seemed like the most foreign concept to me. Save myself? Well who cares about me. I need this man in my life and I want him to change so that we can be happy. He must be saved from this addiction. And try as I may (I am getting ALOT better) I thrust myself into his business-but because I am powerless over his choices, I ironically lost control of myself and of my feelings. So much so that I truly believed I could not stop the pain that accompanied loving an addict.
Very, very slowly I am learning that there is him and then there is me. Right now, the me side is not very strong or defined. I am still learning and educating myself on addiction helped me separate my fantasy (he WILL get better!I am positive!) from the reality (he is an addict and I have no control so I must proceed with my life.) This is a very hard concept for me to still understand, but the more I learn about myself, the easier it becomes to see the lines between where I begin and he ends.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((Perfect))))
Sorry your heart is hurting, but I think it's trying to tell you something.
Please, read all you can....
in fact, there is a book called
"Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie...
you'll see alot of you and me in there.
Hugs, and keep posting,
Sorry your heart is hurting, but I think it's trying to tell you something.
Please, read all you can....
in fact, there is a book called
"Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie...
you'll see alot of you and me in there.
Hugs, and keep posting,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
your story is so much like so many others here.welcome to S.R. there is so much to learn here. read the stickys at the top of the forum"what addicts do".read all the post from other g.f. ,other wifes & even mothers.my son is the addict in my life. he has destroyed our family.do you really want this kind of life? please read around.you are to young to be saddle in a mess like this. keep coming back.we r here for you & want the best for you.hugs & prayers, hope
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Peora, AZ
Posts: 172
I have days I still feel like you & my ex is 2,000 miles away. You got some great advice above. And someone said my favorite line that my therapist gave me...."Fantasy is he's clean & sober & wants to have "our" life back....REALITY is....he's still a crackhead". Not too nice, but I can't sugar coat it or I go back to remembering all the good & none of the bad.
I've known my ex since he was 11 & have watched him go downhill. Find recovery. Find each other. And then he went back to his old life of drugs, booze, bimbos & crime. And I can't go there. It hurts to think he wants that life over what we had...but reality again.....HE doesn't want to change.
The biggest....Acceptance....I have to accept that he has the right to live that life. Even though, I can see it killing him.
Lynne
I've known my ex since he was 11 & have watched him go downhill. Find recovery. Find each other. And then he went back to his old life of drugs, booze, bimbos & crime. And I can't go there. It hurts to think he wants that life over what we had...but reality again.....HE doesn't want to change.
The biggest....Acceptance....I have to accept that he has the right to live that life. Even though, I can see it killing him.
Lynne
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewher
Posts: 259
hi welcome to this place,,
i m sorryfor all the pain u have..
ur so young its so sad that u know allthis already,,. ushould be enjoing ur lifenow..
when iwas 18 iwas in the same boat, like u. its long road ..
i hope thatu will be happy and imnot tellingu leave itsur choice,, but u have to enjoy your life,, us so young everything is in ur futer,,
living with an addict is the ahrdest thing u can have in life.
im just sending u hugs,, and i hope u find all the support u can get,, dont stay alone,, being 18 makes u belive in tthings so muich faster,,being still naive. iremeber that.. its was few years go forme.
and im still with all this pain
s o just stay happy please.
hugs to you girl!!!!
i m sorryfor all the pain u have..
ur so young its so sad that u know allthis already,,. ushould be enjoing ur lifenow..
when iwas 18 iwas in the same boat, like u. its long road ..
i hope thatu will be happy and imnot tellingu leave itsur choice,, but u have to enjoy your life,, us so young everything is in ur futer,,
living with an addict is the ahrdest thing u can have in life.
im just sending u hugs,, and i hope u find all the support u can get,, dont stay alone,, being 18 makes u belive in tthings so muich faster,,being still naive. iremeber that.. its was few years go forme.
and im still with all this pain
s o just stay happy please.
hugs to you girl!!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: charlotte,NC
Posts: 111
The life of loving an addicted person is difficult, and I'm sorry you are facing it. It is good that you are seeking help and realizing that many of the problems in the relationship you're having have to do with addiction now. I have been in relationships with addicts throughout my life, and now I'm 28. It has taken me a long time to be able to reach out and try to find help and to analyze the situation for what it really is.
It has been helpful for me to go to Nar anon meetings for so many reasons--I've learned valuable skills that will help me whether or not I choose to stay with my husband. I am also learning about what it is that I seek out of these relationships with addicts. If you can find a way to analyze what you are getting out of the chaos of a relationship with an addict now, you will be in a great position to move forward in your life and possibly prevent a lot of pain for yourself.
You must be smart and savvy to find this place so soon! Take care of yourself, and keep coming back! Good luck to you!
It has been helpful for me to go to Nar anon meetings for so many reasons--I've learned valuable skills that will help me whether or not I choose to stay with my husband. I am also learning about what it is that I seek out of these relationships with addicts. If you can find a way to analyze what you are getting out of the chaos of a relationship with an addict now, you will be in a great position to move forward in your life and possibly prevent a lot of pain for yourself.
You must be smart and savvy to find this place so soon! Take care of yourself, and keep coming back! Good luck to you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 2
Thank you all so much for your replies. Each and everyone was very helpful. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one, I don’t live with my family and the friends I live with are all caught up in there own lives and they don’t understand what it’s like to be in this situation and it’s really nice to find people that understand.
The guy, he’s not a bad guy. That’s the thing. He told me today that the reason he does drugs is because it’s the only thing that keeps him from killing himself. He doesn’t want to hurt people like his father hurt him when he killed himself. So he does drugs instead, he feels like it’s the only thing keeping him alive.
He asked me what would hurt me more, him shooting himself, or him shooting up.
In his own mixed up way he’s just trying to be a good person, and not hurt people.
The guy, he’s not a bad guy. That’s the thing. He told me today that the reason he does drugs is because it’s the only thing that keeps him from killing himself. He doesn’t want to hurt people like his father hurt him when he killed himself. So he does drugs instead, he feels like it’s the only thing keeping him alive.
He asked me what would hurt me more, him shooting himself, or him shooting up.
In his own mixed up way he’s just trying to be a good person, and not hurt people.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
perfect,
Welcome to this place. Sorry you have reason to be here, but I'm glad you found us.
That you are in love with an addict is painful enough, but that you are in love (sounds perhaps like obsessed) with someone who is not in love with YOU is even more painful. He could get clean tomorrow and this might not change. How long are you willing to pine for someone who doesn't you back? I'm so sorry you feel like this. I have been where you are -- desperately, painfully in love with a man who was far away, addicted, and not in love with me -- and I remember how much it hurt, how deeply it cut me every day.
Glad you are here. There are a lot of women (and men) here who have survived even though they once stood where you stand. Many have gone on to get themselves healthy and even to find someone who is not an addict, and who DOES love them back. I'm one of them.........I'll be wishing and hoping and praying that can take steps toward healing yourself and finding a life that brings you joy instead of hurt. As everyone's pointed out, you're the only one you have control over...as much as it seems right now that you're helpless in the face of this. You can change your fortunes if you're willing to let go of him and let him face his addiction.
Small steps, a good support system, and treat yourself well. Check in with us -- we care. You deserve better than this pain.
Hugs,
GiveLove
Welcome to this place. Sorry you have reason to be here, but I'm glad you found us.
That you are in love with an addict is painful enough, but that you are in love (sounds perhaps like obsessed) with someone who is not in love with YOU is even more painful. He could get clean tomorrow and this might not change. How long are you willing to pine for someone who doesn't you back? I'm so sorry you feel like this. I have been where you are -- desperately, painfully in love with a man who was far away, addicted, and not in love with me -- and I remember how much it hurt, how deeply it cut me every day.
Glad you are here. There are a lot of women (and men) here who have survived even though they once stood where you stand. Many have gone on to get themselves healthy and even to find someone who is not an addict, and who DOES love them back. I'm one of them.........I'll be wishing and hoping and praying that can take steps toward healing yourself and finding a life that brings you joy instead of hurt. As everyone's pointed out, you're the only one you have control over...as much as it seems right now that you're helpless in the face of this. You can change your fortunes if you're willing to let go of him and let him face his addiction.
Small steps, a good support system, and treat yourself well. Check in with us -- we care. You deserve better than this pain.
Hugs,
GiveLove
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
You are a mature 18 from reading your post. You get the intellectual part about addiction, it took me 18 years to get. Many years I spent trying to change my AH. Yelling, screaming, threatening, or loving him unconditionally didn't change him. I tried all ways, and you're right, they don't change until they want to. Until things get so bad for them, they hit their bottom, and seek recovery. Keep reading and posting here. You will get stronger and learn how to take care of you no matter what he is doing. Sending (((HUGS)))... I know how tough it is.
'Round and 'Round I Go....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 478
Welcome, first of all. You found a good place to talk.
Boy...you know a lot more about addiction than I did at 18. I was totally naive. At 18 I just started dating the addict in my life who 9 years later became my husband and who is now my ex-husband. I am now 32. I was at a stage when I would go out drinking with friends and experimented with pot. So, I didn't think anything of his drinking or any of his other addictions. We would only see each other 3 - 4 times a week so the other days...I only knew of what he told me he was doing.
Now...I have learned that addiction is progressive and the addict will not stop unless he decides he has had enough and wants to stop. I could feel in your post you care for him a lot and am concerned for him. The most you can do is impart advice and hope he listens to it. But you do have control over one thing and that is you. Learn to detach and live life for you. Unrequited love hurts but honestly, right now, his love is with drugs and getting high. Focus on what would be best for you.
Boy...you know a lot more about addiction than I did at 18. I was totally naive. At 18 I just started dating the addict in my life who 9 years later became my husband and who is now my ex-husband. I am now 32. I was at a stage when I would go out drinking with friends and experimented with pot. So, I didn't think anything of his drinking or any of his other addictions. We would only see each other 3 - 4 times a week so the other days...I only knew of what he told me he was doing.
Now...I have learned that addiction is progressive and the addict will not stop unless he decides he has had enough and wants to stop. I could feel in your post you care for him a lot and am concerned for him. The most you can do is impart advice and hope he listens to it. But you do have control over one thing and that is you. Learn to detach and live life for you. Unrequited love hurts but honestly, right now, his love is with drugs and getting high. Focus on what would be best for you.
Dreamer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 81
I understand what you're going through. Welcome. I just recently discovered this site and it has helped so much, I don't have to burden my friends as much with my prob's and the people on here can relate to your situation more than anyone, since we are all going through it.
It does feel like enslavement sometimes to love someone who's first-and most important-love is drugs. My ex bf has done pretty much anything he could get his hands on as well. He started smoking crack after we broke up a few months ago.
He was in rehab for the last month and this week he relapsed...it's so messed up. His whole life is going down the drain, so quickly. I never thought he would smoke crack but he's sucked in and it seems like he will not escape. It's so hard losing someone you love and watching them destroy themselves. You are so young and seem wise beyond your years-more than you should be at this point and witnessing his destruction.
I had hopes for my ex over the last month that by forcing him into rehab (which was wrong from the start-they have to want it for it to stick) was going to perhaps help us to get back together. He came over late last night high and I was so disappointed...I CANNOT be with him. I've talked to him over the phone to be supportive for him but seeing him last night in person made me feel so sick to my stomach. I know you feel stuck, I do too, I can't believe I was still willing to see what might happen between us after I found out about the crack...it's so hard to let go...but you risk destroying yourself by staying.
I've yoyo'd between anger and depression over the las few months b/c of everything I can't change about him. I can't make him quit and his addiction has nothing to do with you. You have a big heart and are so capable of loving again, especially since you love him with all of his faults. Time is on your side honey...it WILL be okay. Time heals...slowly...but it does. You can still love and stand at a distance. You're going to have bad days and good days but it WILL get better. Someone told me something like "not everyone who comes into your life is meant to stay but may just be passing through to help you later in your life".
It does feel like enslavement sometimes to love someone who's first-and most important-love is drugs. My ex bf has done pretty much anything he could get his hands on as well. He started smoking crack after we broke up a few months ago.
He was in rehab for the last month and this week he relapsed...it's so messed up. His whole life is going down the drain, so quickly. I never thought he would smoke crack but he's sucked in and it seems like he will not escape. It's so hard losing someone you love and watching them destroy themselves. You are so young and seem wise beyond your years-more than you should be at this point and witnessing his destruction.
I had hopes for my ex over the last month that by forcing him into rehab (which was wrong from the start-they have to want it for it to stick) was going to perhaps help us to get back together. He came over late last night high and I was so disappointed...I CANNOT be with him. I've talked to him over the phone to be supportive for him but seeing him last night in person made me feel so sick to my stomach. I know you feel stuck, I do too, I can't believe I was still willing to see what might happen between us after I found out about the crack...it's so hard to let go...but you risk destroying yourself by staying.
I've yoyo'd between anger and depression over the las few months b/c of everything I can't change about him. I can't make him quit and his addiction has nothing to do with you. You have a big heart and are so capable of loving again, especially since you love him with all of his faults. Time is on your side honey...it WILL be okay. Time heals...slowly...but it does. You can still love and stand at a distance. You're going to have bad days and good days but it WILL get better. Someone told me something like "not everyone who comes into your life is meant to stay but may just be passing through to help you later in your life".
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
