drainedwife

my ah is functioning very well at his job. I think that this makes him think that he is "not addicted". He says he can stop..yet he has been saying this for a year and a half. and i still find "residue" in the house.
BUT, the other night, when i did find a baggie of coke in his possession, i do believe he did not use that weekend....and probably hasnt used since. Of course i cannot be 100% certain of this. But if an "addict" has this in his possession and does not use for several days...can you say he may not be addicted, but uses because he wants to use and can choose WHEN he wants to use??? Im confused. If you are an addict, how hard would it be to NOT use, knowing that it is right there??? His logic, is that if he was addicted, it would be impossible for him not to use if it was right there...
I know that he has a problem with drugs, dont get me wrong..just the fact that he bought the sh** is a MAJOR problem (he says hes so depressed that he just "doesnt care..so he uses to escape the depression..which they all do).

also, he knows, that i found it...he may not be using to prove to me that he is not addicted. If he used, then he wouldnt be able to go to sleep at night. and then he knows i would be suspicious...

I guess i am trying to find out "How bad" the situation is. I know on Oprah they had said the earlier into the addiction the intervening is, the better chance they have for recovery.

Also, could he NOT have the "addictive gene", but just WANT to use??? Or the fact that he was on oxy for a few years, then switched to coke, and the fact that he was a recreational user in his younger days be an indication of that he is an addict? Or the fact that in his younger days he was able to stop using for many years, because like i said before, the first maybe 9 yeasrs of our marriage were "normal"...with no drug use..(well, maybe some recreational when he was with his friends...) i have to say though, i did also find him in his car drinking alone prior to the oxy use. At that time, i got scared, but i let it go. He also does drinks and hides his scotch bottles in the house. How much he drinks, im not sure...but not enough to be "drunk"...at least, i dont ever see him drunk.

thanks for your help everyone...i know what i wrote is a bit confusing...

itiswhatitis...

drained,

when i started looking for hidden bottles, because my husband agreed to not have any liquor in the house because of my son's probation and liquor not being allowed in the house, it became a problem - my husband doesn't use any drugs - he has never missed a day of work in the 20 years we've been married - his drinking was never really an issue before this (maybe 3 or 4 times in 20 years) but the fact that he lied about drinking made it an issue for me - that's when i decided i needed to go to alanon - well that and my son's counselor thought it would be good for me and dealing with husband...

when a counselor told me that huband stopped drinking and son stopped smoking pot and now i was the one with the problem i freaked - but he was right - it tok a couple of days for that info to sink in but it's been so freeing to really understand what he was saying - *i have no control over anyone else - i can only control my reaction to them* when they're having a crappy day i don't have to let them get to me - i have learned to not let it get to me - it's ;taken time and there have been moments of *reacting* (which means i scream pretty f*&^% loud) but a lot less than before this realization - so it's up to you - you need to decide if it's a problem and if it is what you want to do about it - it may be nothing - or it may mean ending your marriage - it's all about you and what works for you...

in love and understanding,
s

daisylady

your husband sounds like my husband about five years ago. My Ah was a recreational user which turned into a every day user and now he is a binge user (uses large amounts of coke in one sitting every week to every other week). He is now in rehab. My AH's DOC is also Cocaine.

I agree with the previous posters- addcition is a progressive disease. He may not think he has a problem now but addiction can rear is ugly head sooner than he thinks...He may think that he is controling the drug now, but there will come a time where the cocaine will take over the control.

I belive your AH needs help but until he realizes he has a problem, that will be hard. So, until then I would try to focus on you and take care of yourself. Set some boundaries that you can keep. I ended up moving out of my house because I couldn't deal with the chaos anymore and shortly after that my AH went to rehab. Boundaries are different for everyone, you just have to figure out what works for YOU.

hugs and prayers,
Tiffany

Truffles

Sounds like my AH 2 years ago. Our first 9 years of marriage he didn't use at all. But the 10th. year he started using coke - at the time I couldn't tell, it turned into a daily habit then. I didn't know until he went into the hospital how bad it was. Our money disappeared, I use to listen to him when he would tell me things would be OK - he ended up losing his job because he started missing work, got into and accident and ended up with a DUI.

I started to take all the money and put it in an account in my name only and to this day I still do that. Just protect yourself, I wish I was more on top of things back then.

He is clean now and not using - it has been about 6 months now.

Elana

Just a thought..
Cocaine is illegal is it not? If he were pulled over for a traffic infraction and they found Cocaine on him, wouldn't they impound and take the vehicle? If they followed the trail back to the house, and found more cocaine, could they arrest you as an accessory? and take your house? and if you have kids, take your kids away????

Why would anyone USE illegal drugs if they did not need to get high? why would they RISK getting caught with it, caught buying etc. If you were riding in the car with him, and he got stopped for ANYTHING and they found cocaine, you would be at risk of jail too (and he can jail house lawyer talk his way anywhere on this, but it is just that.. TALK).

If he "loves" you and can "quit any time" why does he use at all? Why would he put you at risk, his job at risk, everything at risk for an occaisional, illegal, High if he did not need it?

Remember, this stuff is illegal and can give you a whole lot of trouble. If he doesn't need it and is not addicted to it and does love you why would he take the risk at all if he was not addicted to it?

drainedwife

I agree with you all and needed the reminder that it IS progressive.
We are going to the therapist on saturday who specializes in addiction.
We'll see what happens. i know i have to plan a life on my own if he doesnt stop using... because i have to protect myself & of course my kids.

teke

sorry i'm late on this, but being a recovering crack/cocaine addict, i've never seen a recreational user that stayed that way for long. addiction is progressive and cocaine/ crack is highly addictive. i don't know too many users that will save their drugs for what? a rainy day and i don't know too many casual drinkers that hide their booze.

i agree with the others, maybe it time for you to focus on you and what you will do once you find that what you think might be the truth. time will tell you whether or not he's using and before long, you'll be able to tell how much. sorry that you are going through all of this and i pray for the both of you,