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Feel like screaming!

Old 04-11-2007, 09:25 AM
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Feel like screaming!

Was cleaning the house yesterday, and in behind an ornament were a lovely set of wedding rings. They belong to a female, obviously stolen by my son. I put them away and havent said anything. If I did he would say " there not his" or whatever excuse. These belong to some one it disgusts me that some innocent person is out these rings. I dont know what I should do with them? Should I drop them off at the police station? Do I run an ad in the paper? If this were my set I would be devestated. He is supposed to be gone Friday, he is waiting for rehab, however it wont be until the end of may. I cant stand him in my house anylonger. He is lazy, rude lives in his room like a pig!!! and the worst is he is a compulsive liar. His addiction went from bad to a nightmare. I remember people warned me but never in a million years did I think it would be like this. Its like he has given up and just doesnt care anymore. This drug controls him 24 hours a day. If hear him blow his nose one more time I will scream!!!! It sickens me to think how much potential he had and what a good kid he was. I know its the drug that makes him this way. Friday I was so disgusted I packed up and went to a motel for the weekend, it was peaceful. I know that sounds crazy. Then he calls me there crying says he feels like killing himself, and he will go sleep in a tent or the gutter. He says he fears he will never get better, hs a looser, has ruined our lives goes on and on. I cant listen to it anymore. I am exhausted and burnt out. Thanks for listening just venting.
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Old 04-11-2007, 09:32 AM
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katie, i am so sorry. is there a solution to getting him out of the house before rehab in may? do you have alanon/naranon friends or a counselor in your community that can help you? blessings, k
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Old 04-11-2007, 09:34 AM
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sorry that all this is happening, good that you were able to get away for awhile and get some rest from it all, even though you got the frighten phone calls, you chose to think about you and i'm so proud of you.

good he sounds ready, tired and like he wants help, i pray that he goes monday. i can imagine that monday feels like worlds away to you, but its good that you do have a monday to wait for. i pray like crazy that he really will go and that this time it will stick.

i think maybe you could just hold on the the rings for now, don't say anything right now, maybe wait until he's in rehab awhile then he may just admit to it and tell you who they belong to. if he's serious about recovery, at that time he maybe encouraged to become more honest with himself and others. jmho

keeping you and yours in my prayers.
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Old 04-11-2007, 09:37 AM
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Wow Katie, Im Sorry Your Where You Are Now. Very Similar To What Were Dealing With. Always Waiting For Them To Take The Next Step In Their Recovery That They May Or May Not Take. Your The One Having To Wait With Them Stuck In Limbo , It Seems You Cant Go Forward Or Backward. I Personally Would Be Afraid To Leave My As In My House For A Weekend. Thats Just Me . I Think Parent Is Right, You Need Some Support Right Now. I Hope It Gets Better For You And Your As.
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Old 04-11-2007, 09:44 AM
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(((Katie)))

Boy, do I remember that rage... it is overwhelming. I think your idea of going to a motel was a VERY good one - what a great way to give yourself a break from the chaos.

When my daughter was at our home and active in her meth addiction, every minute was anger and shouting and slamming doors, and lies and pain. I also found jewelry in her room that did not belong to her - none of it was anything other than costume jewelry, so I didn't try to find the owner, but gave it to the Goodwill when she was in rehab.

What I know today, is all that pain she directed toward me did not even compare to the hatred and loathing she felt toward herself.

No one hates the addiction more than the addict, and it helps me to try and separate the two (addict and addiction) in my mind.

Rehab can be a great beginning, and I hope it is for your son... but addiction is far, far more than "just" using. It is personality and behaviors and beliefs and ... a LOT of things.

I thought rehab would "fix" my kids. It didn't. But it gave my kids the information they needed to make some changes in their lives.

My anger came primarily from fear... absolute terror... that my kids would not be able to kick the addiction. My other feeling beneath the anger was incredible grief.

From the day I discovered I was pregnant, I started planning my kids' lives. My husband and I tried very hard for 20 years to be the best parents we could be. We gave our children opportunities we didn't have and nearly every major decision in our lives was around what was good for them.

We did this, not realizing we were building in our minds a particular "outcome" for our kids.... college, a good marriage, a great career, wonderful grandkids.

Addiction did not just take away that outcome - it smashed it to smithereens. I still grief the death of that dream some days.

But my kids did not die... they just lived a life different from the one I had planned for them. And MY healing began when I started working my letting go of that dream and dealing with my greif and loss.

My prayers are that this can be your sons time to be sober, and that he can be successful at rehab. But I also pray that you can find a way to work a recovery program as well... because I know that attending Alanon (or Naranon or CODA) helped me very much. With everything.

(((Hugs))))
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Old 04-11-2007, 09:45 AM
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i will help you scream... i do not know what to say about the rings. i do know you need to take care of yourself.sometimes it is easier said than done.i pray for you to have some peace & pray for your son. hugs,
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Old 04-11-2007, 10:16 AM
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going to a motel was a good idea.

Sending HIM out to the motel would be better...

I don't know how old he is or if you can do this (emotionally or physically).

Who is paying the bills for the house, the food, the heat, the lights?
Where is the money for the drugs coming from? Surely he is getting it from somewhere and not from the rings you found.. they had not been sold or traded yet?

Stay strong. I am praying for you.
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Old 04-11-2007, 11:00 AM
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(((((Katie)))))



I've been where your at, so I understand.
Focus on taking care of You. If you need to make him leave your
home, do it with no guilt. Maybe your not ready, and that's okay too.
It will get to the point where, there's no other choice for you or him.
Remember...
Nothing changes, if nothing changes.

All said with love and understanding,
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Old 04-11-2007, 11:10 AM
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hugs t0 you.. stay strong!!
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Old 04-11-2007, 02:53 PM
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Katie - Can you find a homeless shelter,mission halfway home for him? After our son did detox, and had a slight brain fart? he went to a mission homeless shelter. Husband had to baby sit him for 10 days, until detox time. He said it wasnt too soon. We know what your going thru. You shouldn't have to put up with him until May. Check at the rehab place and ask if they know where he can go for a while. They should have a list of various places. Good Luck!
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Old 04-11-2007, 04:16 PM
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He is supposed to be gone Friday, he is waiting for rehab, however it wont be until the end of may. I cant stand him in my house anylonger.
Oh Katie, those words bring back so many memories. I've been in your shoes and it just isn't pretty.

Sweetie, he's waiting for rehab? The end of May? I'm sorry to say this all sounds like a stall, I know because my son was the Stall King.

You live in Ontario (so do I) and if he has been "confirmed" at a rehab for the end of May there are clean places that will take him while he waits. I don't know where you live, but Newmarket has a great place for exactly this, sort of pre-rehab with rules and meetings just like rehab. Send me a PM if you need more information. And it's free, as are most places here (thank You God).

With love in my heart I can tell you that letting him remain in your home behaving the way he is will drive you crazy, literally. When you reach your "enough" point just know that you aren't the first codie mom who just could not take it anymore.

Hugs
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Old 04-11-2007, 05:10 PM
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I was so saddened to read your post
so many of us know what you are going through and know how difficult it is

Ann's info offers hope....I hope you are able to follow up on those leads

I too shutter to think of waiting until may ...your son needs to get started on recovery now and i pray that you are able to get the support ann mentioned

I am praying for your son
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Old 04-11-2007, 05:10 PM
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So sorry to hear what your going through. I don't blame you for going to a hotel. I have wanted to do that many times, but just never got around to it. Holding out till the end of May will be torture. I through my as out 5 weeks ago. I felt bad and cried every night at first, but I can now relax in my own home. He is out now supposedly sober and trying to find a new life.

I also found unknown jewelry in my home, that disappeared after awhile. It's time to take care of you. Good Luck and hugs.
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Old 04-11-2007, 05:30 PM
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Katie, Just sending you some mom hugs. You already got some great advice. Hugs, Marle
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Old 04-11-2007, 05:45 PM
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The ring situation is a tough one. But, you could turn them in and say you found them. I don't know how many questions they'd ask
I like bigsis answer. I have an addict son whom I could no longer live with. It seems like a world of dispair, but it's a whole lot easier to deal with when you are face to face with others who have the same problems, and work out a "sanity plan" for yourself.
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Old 04-12-2007, 07:50 AM
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Thankyou for all your replies. I know you all understand. Your right from the time there small we have hopes and dreams for them. He was the light of my life still is. What Ive come to realize finally is that I have absolutely no control. Too continue to live with him will only make me sick. Until you lived with an addict no one truly knows how bad it is. Addicts are the most manipulative people I have ever met. I fear for him and his future. He is 20 years old will he be a druggie on the streets at 40, will he he make it too his 21th birthday? I still at times shake my head in disbelief that my son is a drug addict. I never even thought of drugs before. My spouse and I had no idea he was an addict until at 17 he told us. It truly saddens me to see all the addicts out there. Again thankyou
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Old 04-12-2007, 08:39 AM
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Katie, I know the feeling. I still say to my husband, "Never in a million years did I think our daughter would become an addict." But she is and may be for the rest of her life. May die. May recover and be a great person. Only God knows the answer to that question. Take care of yourself and try to let God take care of your son. Hugs, Marle
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