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Confronting a loved one...

Old 04-10-2007, 08:05 PM
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Confronting a loved one...

Hello-
I was wondering if someone could give me some advice. A person I've been dating and care alot about has a drug problem. He hasn't admitted it yet, but I've seen the evidence and others have told me as such. I believe he is trying to get help and may be enrolled in some counseling. I'm somewhat of a straight arrow, so I think he is worried about my reaction if he tells me.

I want to let him know that I know and I am here for support. I don't judge him, and I don't think any differently of him..I just want to help.

My question is, how should I approach the subject? I was thinking of a letter..I don't want to make him uncomfortable.

Any thoughts?

Thanks so much...
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Old 04-10-2007, 08:18 PM
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hi gigi, welcome to sr, glad you found us but i hate the situation, my hubby and i both are recovering addicts, i think maybe you could just let him know how you suspect and let him know that you do support him, keep it simple and see what happens next.

now i know you want to help, but really there is not much you can do to make him want to stop, more than he already do, if he really wants to. you think that he is seeing a therapist so thats good. you didn't say how long that you have been dating, and i guess it doesn't really matter, the fact is, it does not really matter whether he admits it or not, the question that you may want to ask yourself is what will you do if he does not continue with his plan of recovery.

admitting it is the first step to wanting help so i'm glad to hear that he is in counseling. maybe its time that you work on you and what will make your life easier, we here suggest alanon or naranon meetings for you, maybe you can also read the stickies at the top of the forum, there is a lot of helpful info there. post here and ask as many questions that you want. i'm praying for you and yours.
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Old 04-10-2007, 10:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Gigi18 View Post
Hello-
I was wondering if someone could give me some advice. A person I've been dating and care alot about has a drug problem. He hasn't admitted it yet, but I've seen the evidence and others have told me as such. I believe he is trying to get help and may be enrolled in some counseling. I'm somewhat of a straight arrow, so I think he is worried about my reaction if he tells me.

I want to let him know that I know and I am here for support. I don't judge him, and I don't think any differently of him..I just want to help.

My question is, how should I approach the subject? I was thinking of a letter..I don't want to make him uncomfortable.

Any thoughts?

Thanks so much...

I wouldn't worry to much about making him uncomfortable, if he's using he already is more uncomfortable than you could ever make him.
I would just make sure that you make it Very Clear that you are there to help as Long as he is honest and upfront with you.. You sound like a great person.
I hope things work out for you both..
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Old 04-10-2007, 10:10 PM
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Welcome Gigi,

I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend's drug problem. I wish I could offer some advice, but everything that I tried with my addict friend failed. It was over two years ago that she started using, and she still hasn't admitted that she has a problem.

I first tried gently expressing my concern for her in a supportive, loving way... she told me she "had it under control". Then, I just tried to be patient and not say anything that might be judgemental, but she still didn't admit it. I finally lost it and tried the "guilt-trip" approach, and I can tell you from experience... this one REALLY doesn't work!!

Whatever you decide, all I can suggest is that you don't do it with any preconceived ideas about what his response might be. Check out the "stickies" at the top, especially "What Addicts Do". I'm not saying that you shouldn't confront him, just that if there's a right way to do it and get a successful result, I sure don't know what it might be.

Good luck!
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Old 04-11-2007, 08:04 AM
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Gigi-
I have been where you are. I would say confront him- gently- if you do it directly, verbally, be certain that you can handle the possibility tha the may lie and continue to lie to you because that's what addicts do and denial feels safe. I wish you good luck and think you are doing the right thing by confronting him- after you see how he reacts/what he reveals to you, then you can go from there.
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Old 04-11-2007, 08:07 AM
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be honest and be a good listener. welcome! k
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Old 04-11-2007, 10:08 AM
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welcome to S.R. i am glad you are here with people that care & understand you.there is alot for you to learn here. your question !! you could write him if you do not feel comfortable talking to him about this or just wait till he brings it up.if he is not clean he can not hide this from you long. the main thing for you is work on yourself & your recovery.read all the stickys at the top of tyhe forum & all the post you can.set boundries with him.you can not keep him clean,he has got to do that himself. prayers,hope
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Old 04-11-2007, 10:38 AM
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Thank you so much for everyone's kind words and advice. It made me feel better to talk about it to people that understand!
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