got letters from sis and her guy

Old 04-09-2007, 08:20 PM
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got letters from sis and her guy

Hi Again Everyone,
well I did hear from my sister and her husband. Ten years ago he grabbed me and I confronted him. both were drinking/drugging and both were in a blackout. Both believe I lied. This is the issue I spoke of and my concerns about them writing me. I offered to go to therapy, wrote letters ect and just got angry responses.
The card he sent said "good friends are willing to see things from each others point of view" It will be the only time he reaches out.
I also think both of them are emotionally incapable of doing any deep work that would really heal things.
Here's the thing. Life is short and I would like at least, a truce because it's torn the whole family in half. I have also lost two family members to addiction already. Both have passed.
Does anyone have ideas on how I could respond to this card? Without compromising my own values? I'm asking because I am really out of ideas. I have tried many things that didn't work
thanks,
Leslie
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Old 04-09-2007, 10:55 PM
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Honesty is always best for me... and usually the hardest.

You could write back, and thank him for the card. It takes a lot to reach out... sometimes more than we realize.

I would probably advise you tell your sister you love her... just because. I lost a brother that I wish I had told that to.

You might tell them how you want a relationship with them to look... go slow? By letter only at first? Whatever makes you feel good. They may never 'get' what they did... and you have to decide if you can live with that.

You sound like a strong, caring woman. I hope this works out for you.
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Old 04-10-2007, 04:34 AM
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i agree with bigsis, i also think to be honest, and keep it simple. that at least opens the door. maybe you can ask how they been and let them know that you love them and miss them. i pray that things work out just the way that its intended and i'm keeping all of you in my prayers.
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Old 04-10-2007, 07:44 AM
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I am leaning towards just saying hello and thanks. Letting them know I love them. You have given me other things to consider as well. I can really relate to losing someone without having an opportunity to say ' I love you and thanks for being you" So perhaps I will add that as well.
thanks again!
Leslie
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Old 04-10-2007, 08:14 AM
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I do not know what to say in a letter.maybe you can find a card that says it all. just remember this is NOT your fault.hugs,
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Old 04-10-2007, 09:31 AM
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Prayers that you will find the right words to express your feelings. Too bad that he could not at least acknowledge the pain he caused, but sometimes we just have to let it go and put it where it belongs, in the past. Give yourself the love and understanding that they can't give you. Hugs, Marle
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Old 04-10-2007, 10:37 PM
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thank you both. I found two perfect cards and it's a done deal.
my brother in las used the word "Namaste" and I looked it up. If that's the spiritual place he is coming from then we should be able to at least open a door to some healing.
thanks everyone for your warm thoughts and support.
Leslie
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