Humility and being Humble

Old 04-09-2007, 04:01 PM
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Humility and being Humble

Please, all of you wise people.. please tell me about humility and being humble.
Please tell me what it is and what it means.

I could use some help with this. I think I am messing up hugely.
This has to do with living with others.. not with my XABF. It has to do with living recovery.

I think I have been very arrogant and I think that I still am.. Judgemental at times tho I often ask my self if I am doing my job (taking care of me) or God's job and thinking of myself as superior.

Sometimes I feel as if I say too much.. almost as if to say, "I am better because I have.... "
Other times I not.. other times I know no one is better than I am because we all put our pants on one leg at a time.. we all face life and death pretty much the same way.

Yet sometimes I think I am better perhpas.. even tho I am not better than anyone just as no one is better than me.

I don't WANT to be arrogant and I want to accept humility.. not the facade of humility. I want to be honestly humble.

Thank you.
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Old 04-09-2007, 04:13 PM
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You say you feel like you are being arrogant and judgemental. That is because you are trying to set yourself apart from everyone else. Addicts suffer from the same thing, it's called "terminal uniqueness". I saw a bumper sticker once that said: "You're unique! Just like everyone else".
Acting and feeling the way you do means you are grasping at your ego. Grasping = attachment = suffering. Think about these people: the homeless wino, the mother screaming at her child, the cancer patient. Although they seem very different, they are all suffering and therefore all the same. You do not know how or why they got to the station in life that they did. Think when you look at them "There, but for the Grace of God, go I". It could be you, in a minute if you hadn't made the choices in life that you did.
When you lower the barriers around your ego and reach out either in word or deed, whether reciprocated or not, to your fellow man, your suffering will be greatly reduced.
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Old 04-09-2007, 04:18 PM
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i think in terms of humble and grateful. i'm grateful everyday for little things now. it helps keep me humble. blessings, k
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Old 04-09-2007, 04:28 PM
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When I think I AM being a bit self centered in a bad way when I see those who are suffering I do say:
"There but for the Grace of God go I."

I believe it when I say it.. I need to say it more I think.

I have my own unique features (many of which others have as well, but mine are mine.. if that makes any sense).. I don't NEED to be unique for things I OWN. STUFF.

I am so grateful for where I am today. I thank God but I think it really need to THANK GOD.. if that makes any sense at ALL.

Cuz man I am no different than anyone else...
and when I came here and found that out it was sure a relief.

Oh I think I am confused.. I am so ashamed of my behavior. Good Lord I have so much work to do.

(I need a smiley stumbling around in the dark yelping ouch cuz she just banged her shin!)
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Old 04-09-2007, 04:46 PM
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We are all in the same boat, hopefully rowing in the same direction. All of us are unique and that is what makes us special.

I suffer from a disease, I am honest, I write what I think, I am not all about foo foo, not because I feel that I am better or judgemental...I just need to be truthful, and with that said I must be truthful to myself first. I have shortcomings like everyone else, I endevour to work on them, to be a better person and to be truthful to me, first and foremost. I live internally in a no foo foo enviroment, I am my own worst critic.

I dare anyone to define normal, as normal is, as normal does, there is no clear definition of the word...even Webster doesn't clearly define the word. If Webster doesn't know, how the heck would I...Your ok, I'm ok, as normal as we will ever be.

As Ever,

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Old 04-09-2007, 04:49 PM
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i don't know about you elana, but i've never felt definded by the things i've accomplished in life, i think its all about the choices that we make and at any given moment, life can take a turn for the good or the bad. this keeps me humble. there were times that i was able to make a good salary and in just a matter of minutes, i found myself diabled and unable to work. one minute i had a good job and the next minute i was an addict with no job. i find that sometimes people don't think that what happens to others can happen to them, so i do find compassion for all people.

on the other hand, i've had people look down on me because of the choices i made true, but none the less, i was a crack addict, and before i knew it, those same people who put me down were the ones that ended up on crack and coming to me to find out how was it possible that i could with god's help, get my life straighted out.

don't mean to get all spiritual, but there is a passage in the good book, that says to be careful how you treat others, you entertain angels unawares, this keeps me humbled. i think too that i'm just rambling and want you to know that i support you, and pray that you find your answers.
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Old 04-09-2007, 04:51 PM
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Well............I admire you for being honest about yourself. In my opinion, It took you being humble to admit that about yourself. Admitting and recognizing that you sometimes think this way I think would be the first step towards improvement. I struggle with similiar issues about myself. When I get angry I say hurtful things, exposing ones weakness. Once you say something, its out there, you cant take it back. When I'm hurting I want the one who hurt me to hurt just as bad. I can really do damage with my tongue. In anger my words are very sharp. I hate this about myself. I want to learn to walk in love at ALL times. But once I get all fired up I get on a roll. Hopefully my recent experience with my RAH will make me realize the things about myself that I should work on.
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Old 04-09-2007, 04:57 PM
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Thank you.
For some reason I have recognized this real need to work on my humility.. I really do and I am going to work on it very hard.

I don't live in a foo foo world either. I never have. Usually I give it straight from the shoulder but this is something I need to work on. I really do.

Phew. I always criticized myself first so no one else could get to it before me and hurt me. I cut 'em off at the pass but GOOD.

Now I don't do that so much.. and I recognize what I am good at and I appreciate my strengths.

However, I really need a dose of humility in so doing.
Ann's Steel Toed bunny slippers to the back side a few rounds...

I am too embarassed by myself on this to even offer up examples.

Thank you for being DIRECT Dolly.
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Old 04-09-2007, 05:03 PM
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I was posting as you were...

Teke, thank you. I think humility comes out of sprituality. I think I need to go to it more often. Every day throughout the day.

Bren.. yeah.. I can say about words that once they are in the air you cannot subtract them. Oh that is one I have learned the hard way.

Thank you all.. I am struggling with this as I look at me. I don't want this in me and I want to embrace humility... I truly do.
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Old 04-09-2007, 05:19 PM
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oh elana, i think that you are just fine, you recognized something in you that you are not happy with and to me that makes for a good working plan of recovery, only in my opinion though. i think that there is something in all of man kind that needs some work on, but only the wise and willing are the ones that seeks and finds true peace from within.
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Old 04-09-2007, 06:21 PM
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what I am realizing is that even tho I have never been addicted and even tho I tried to give an addict a chance (I did not know he was an addict.. just thought he was having a tough time in life).

Even tho I have worked very hard to be where I am today. Even tho some of that was absolutely beautiful chance..

I could easily lose it all.. as easily as an addict loses it all to addiction.. as easily as my XABF threw all that I offered away (and now is drifting towards dire straits).. as easily as anyone I could lose it all to things beyond my control.

I am so very very grateful for what I have. I am so very grateful for every opportunity I have been given. I am so very grateful for every opportunity I have earned. I am so very very grateful and I am so completely grateful today and tonight in the most humble way.

I am no better than any other person I share this earth with and I thank God for my very breath.
Oh God.. Please please never let me forget, with humility, how very grateful I am and so very very lucky.

Thank you God and all of you here at SR for all you have shared and shown me. Thank you God for the seemingly simple thing that happened to bring me to this point of very real understanding of how fragile my circumstance is and to being grateful for it.

This is my prayer.
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Old 04-09-2007, 06:34 PM
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i think that your recovery is kind of sticking out. i hear peace.
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Old 04-09-2007, 06:40 PM
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Amen!
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Old 04-09-2007, 08:29 PM
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Elana, I think you practice humility more than you think...Looking at yourself, being honest with yourself, wanting to change the things you have identified in yourself as areas that you would like to improve upon...Those are all steps in practicing humility.

I see humility associated with the steps. Once we have embraced the understanding that I can't, He can and I'm going to let him, I think we start traveling a road to become more humble. As you and Teke have mentioned, it is about spirituality. In step 4 we perform a searching and fearless moral inventory; we admit our wrong doings to God and another human in step 5, become willing to have the defects of character removed in step 6 and then take that action...humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings. So as we go through this process, we are becoming more humble. We acknowledge our defects of character and want to change. And when we truly want that change, we are ready to humbly ask God's help.

I think that is the journey you are taking Elana. I really love reading your posts...they help me work my program too.

I like the quote below from Mother Teresa. Some of that is difficult for me to swallow all the time, but I think the more I practice being a spiritual person, the easier some of these acts become. I feel that I have improved in not being so judgemental and critical, but I still have a long way to go.

The challenge I find in her suggestions, is to be humble but not be a doormat...I think that if taken too literally, some of what she says may be thought of as being a doormat, but I think there is a way to do it with grace and humility and still be true to ourselves. It just takes lots of work. Hugs!
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these are a few of the ways we can practice humility: speak as little as possible of oneself. mind one's own business. avoid curiosity. do not want to manage other people's affairs. accept contradiction and correction cheerfully. pass over mistakes of others. accept blame when innocent. yield to the will of others. accept insults and injuries. accept being slighted, forgotten, and disliked. be kind and gentle even under provocation. do not seek to be specially loved and admired. never stand on one's dignity. yield in discussion even though one is right. choose always the hardest.
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Old 04-09-2007, 09:18 PM
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Elana,

Having worked hard to climb to a safe spot (emotionally, spiritually, physically) there is sometimes a very fine line between being relieved and grateful for "where you've got to" and being arrogant about it.

I, for one, have never really noticed you do the latter since joining this board. You have always been willing to brace your feet and reach down a strong hand to help the rest of us climb too.

But you know yourself and know your own mind, and if this is something you wish to work on, then it's the right thing to work on. I think you may find that practicing humility (love that Mother Teresa stuff, Greet) allows you to help more people along on our collective journey....and makes life not nearly so lonesome.

Strength to you, friend out there,
GL
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Old 04-09-2007, 10:05 PM
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Once we have embraced the understanding that I can't, He can and I'm going to let him
Those are words to live by. Thanks, Greet!
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Old 04-09-2007, 10:33 PM
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Here is a few of my humbles

Let go let God
Its not all about me
anvilhead has a great point
Asking for help
Doing service
Learning about me and therefore about others and life.

Kevin
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