Blogs


Notices

Pathological lying

Old 04-09-2007, 02:28 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
joesentme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: somewhere in MA
Posts: 54
Once, when I was 12, I told a whopper of a lie…with humiliating results!

I had a crush on an older boy and, knowing he could never really find out, because I met him on vacation…I made up all sorts of stuff about how I lived. You would think that saying my family was sane would be lie enough, but
NOooooooo…

I had to go on, to tell him that I had, a five room TREE-HOUSE, completely decorated…including a TV in every room…and a stereo system in the “MASTER BEDROOM” LOL! He seemed very impressed to me.

Unfortunately later on, he had the presence of mind, to ask my older brothers, if I was actually in possession of such a tree-house…I though they were all gonna die LAUGHING!
I can attest that people can, *SHRINK* from embarrassment!
I’m a horrible liar, I avoid it at all cost lol!
joesentme is offline  
Old 04-09-2007, 02:34 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: charlotte,NC
Posts: 111
I hate it when my husband's truths from when he was actively using come out. Sometimes it seems like the truth helps, but most often, it just gives me something else to be angry about. I kind of want him to keep his lies to himself, because the truth is really scary.
thejunkyswife is offline  
Old 04-09-2007, 02:58 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Mavis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Edmonton AB
Posts: 285
Holey Cow!

O.k that pretty much answers my question! LOL! I kinda had a fit yesterday after AH had the nerve to still try and tell me he's clean (even after I found the drugs) and I thought of every single lie he has ever told me, and how most stuff he sais sounds absolutly stupid. When does it stop?
I got alot of insight there! Thank you.

I aswell do not tollerate lies. If it's the one thing that can save a marriage is honesty, and if you don't have it, then bug off! I'm at a point of imaging duck tape around his head. I do not ask! He just tell me this crap!
Mavis is offline  
Old 04-09-2007, 03:07 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Bridge CLOSED
 
Elana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Well, if I was still with my BF I would not want to know the truth I guess.. but he was never clean (and likely never will be) and knowing the lies gave me the anger to purge his lying butt from my heart a lot faster.

I didn't even feel the band aid of him come off as the anger didn't let me.

I am glad he is gone.
Elana is offline  
Old 04-10-2007, 06:11 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Early in our relationship I remember sneaking a peek at some letters his ex fiance wrote to him. I believed the lies he told me about her. That she was an alcoholic and crazy and stuff. The letters always bothered me though and as time went on, I realised I could have been writing the same thing.

Today I asked him two questions. Was your girlfriend an alcoholic when she met you 6yrs earlier? Answer no. Then I asked if she used to say the same things I say. He got very upset indeed. I pointed out that he lost two women who loved him very much in exactly the same way. He stormed out of the office. Honesty and alcoholism do not go together.

O, I may also have pointed out that if his mother walked into his house today she would die of sadness. Woops. Silly me. True though. He freaked and asked if I had talked to his parents. Poor things. I wouldn't. They know and they don't need more heartache.
Pilgrim is offline  
Old 04-10-2007, 06:24 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
everything is already ok
 
nogard's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,409
Blog Entries: 3
Well Yes lying was part of life in addiction, lie to get drugs lie to get out of trouble lie, ;ie to myself about absolutely everything and anything ........

These days I am honest, if I think I have not told someone the whole truth I will correct that, its part of my program

Honesty
Openness
Willingness

Kevin
nogard is offline  
Old 04-10-2007, 06:32 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
A work in progress....
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
My EXAH is a liar, too. About anything and everything to anyone and everyone. His current favorite is running around telling anyone who will listen that I am on drugs. I am not taking anything now, but I did take some klonopin from my MD for about 60 days several months ago while I was taking care of my father while he wasted away in a hospital for 6 weeks, then spent 8 days in a hospice with him and held his hand when he took his last breath.

All my SOB EXAH had to say to me (while I was looking through pictures to use at the memorial) was 'You don't know how much it hurts me not to see myself in any of the pictures here. I wish God would just take my miserable life.' Then at the funeral home I heard him, standing right in front of my father's casket, telling some perfect stranger about this huge business deal (total lie, no truth to it at all).

I guess saying I am on 'something for my nerves' is the only thing he can come up with to explain to himself why I won't see him or talk to him, and am no longer buying his bs.

Because of course, HE didn't do anything wrong. HE is just a poor little misunderstoond person who has an evil, angry, bitter wife who won't forgive him and has convinced the whole world that he did drugs and abused her for 20 years and formed a big conspiracy against him. (Which explains why he has no friends left, either)

I agree with several above me; they honestly believe that they are telling the truth. That's why they are so convincing.

How do you know if an addict is lying? His mouth is moving.

Sorry for the rant; I am having a hard time being compassionate for my EXAH this morning. Right now he just makes me sick.

(((HUGS)))
duet_4-8 is offline  
Old 04-10-2007, 07:08 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Mavis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Edmonton AB
Posts: 285
Yip, that's were I'm at duet.. sick of it all. Wondering at all if I could go back to him. Everyday that goes by, my emotions are different. But it get's easier every day.
Mavis is offline  
Old 04-10-2007, 07:37 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
On a tear
 
BigSis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
What I know from attending lots of meetings, is that the addicts I know often speak about feeling "less than". Not because the world treated them unfairly (though that is often the case), not because there is any reason to feel that way... they just do.

I think it is part of the disease of addiction. I wonder if the lying is just another one of those ways of trying, desperately, to be as good as we think we HAVE to be in order to fit in? Most of us know about the arrested development thing... that emotional immaturity that happens when addicts begin to use. Couple that immaturity with an incredible feeling of inadequacy... I guess then I am not SO surprised.

Generally, I don't think the addicts I know are lying in order to harm me... to be honest, I don't think they can get outside of their own pain and needs long enough to even consider how their lies affect me. In fact, as most of us have witnessed, the lies usually come back to hurt the liar.

Just another perspective... ((hugs))
BigSis is offline  
Old 04-10-2007, 07:51 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Jujubee Queen
 
mooselips's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
BigSis,
I agree with you. My feeling is, they are not lying to intentionally hurt us, it's a part of the disease of addiction. My sons now are just sharing SOME of what really went on, and to tell the honest to God truth, I don't think I need to know.
mooselips is offline  
Old 04-10-2007, 07:53 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Bridge CLOSED
 
Elana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
My XABF used to say, " I never intended to hurt..."

I would tell him every time he told an untruth that hurt was the intention..

He claimed not, but lying is lying is lying and it is always done at the expense of someone else.
Elana is offline  
Old 04-10-2007, 07:56 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Pepper Pike Ohio
Posts: 2
I am new to this site - but my AS lies, lies, lies. He tends to be a bit more honest when he sits in jail for a while, but that might also be to suck me in for money or a visit. He is a 35yo man who has been an addict for 15 years and has lied all of that time. Sometimes, when he has had a few months of working a program, he gets a little more honest doing the steps - but it never seems to last. He even lies when there is no reason to. And as someone else mentioned - he is charming and the ladies like him, so he can lie to get what he needs....sad thing for him is - he is getting less charming and more physically unappealing as the drug years go on......which is good for anyone who falls for it! I believe he does not intend to hurt me - he is so into his own addiction, he is doing what works ~ to get what he needs~ and tries to cover his tracks....the lying is just who he is.
brainworks is offline  
Old 04-10-2007, 08:30 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
 
LetGo15's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Here and Now
Posts: 16
My xabf also lies about almost everything. He like others posted about their addict in their lives is very charismatic, has a good job, etc.

I have on many occasions 'caught' him red handed in a lie and he would deny, deny, deny. It was so frustrating and until I started this path on healing myself I didn't realize it's what they do.

My xabf also is very narcissistic, he always needs to be right and have people think that he is and knows important people so he feels good about himself.

I basically trust people and especially trust people I care for.
All I can say for myself is it takes a lot of me focusing and being centered to see what he is/was doing so I don't get wrapped up in it.
LetGo15 is offline  
Old 04-10-2007, 09:20 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,070
[QUOTE=thejunkyswife;1282798]Oh, I love these situations when it becomes so clear that addicts' behaviors are part of the disease...even some of the positive behaviors. A woman in a meeting recently said, "My husband could convince a nun to have sex." And IT'S SO TRUE! My husband is one of the most charming people I've ever met. I new him before he became really a mess with addiction, and he was always a big manipulator and a big liar. He's so charming, so charismatic, and such a huge crazy liar.
When he's in active addictoin, it's definitely worse. His lies become exotic...he told his last boss that I was pregnant, that his mother had died, and that he was hving emergency stomach surgery. None of these things are true. He just needed time off to go through withdrawal...and now he's going to have to start a new job with all these lies on his shoulders.

One thing I've had to do for myself, and I'm sure many of you can relate to this, is refuse to lie anymore, for any reason, to cover for him. I might not necessarily tell the person who I'm talking to that my husband was lying, but I will redirect that person to talk to him. I'm not enabling him to use by continuing his lies for him anymore, and itmakes me feel so much better about myself when I stand up to him.
Ann is offline  
Old 04-10-2007, 11:55 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
 
Denoraphy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sunny Fla
Posts: 112
This has been some excellent reading material, thank you all for sharing.

Most of the time when I catch my AH in a lie, I don't even question him about it. He will just lie more and make me more mad. I let it go, well, I try anyway... But my favorite is when he will say that he has to lie to protect me from the truth. I just laugh one of my hysterical laughs that let him know I am not buying his line of BS one bit.

This morning he told me that his conseler at the Methadone clinic told him that he shouldn't be on the Methadone program, because the pain meds that he was taking from his Dr. were less addictive than the methadone is. Well, I don't know if this is true or not, but I don't think he mentioned to her about what ELSE he was taking that was NOT perscribed by a Dr.
Denoraphy is offline  
Old 04-14-2007, 12:13 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: cape coral florida
Posts: 21
My AS has always lied, even when he was little. Unfortunately, it has only gotten worse with him. I knew he was recently suppose to get some back pay (from when he had a job). I asked him about it the other day and he told me that he met with his boss and it turns out he was mistaken about them owing him money. For some reason, I believed him, until I got a phone call from someone saying that he got $1400, and within 3days he had spent it all. He has no job, no place to live and $1100 in court costs but he didn't think of any of it. I believe NOTHING out of his mouth anymore!!
tryin2bstrong is offline  
Old 04-14-2007, 12:28 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Member
 
wezzy55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Backwoods America
Posts: 77
I know lots of non-drinkers that lie--I am the drunk in my family and My reputation is I tell it like it is...The rest of the family love denial....imagine that I'm the drunk........something to ponder on.......have a good day
wezzy55 is offline  
Old 04-14-2007, 12:52 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Member
 
Blackrose2756's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Peora, AZ
Posts: 172
My husband was sober 8 years. And he still lied. Our counselor said that he felt that my husband even believed his own lies. After we split & for a few years later, I found out there were even more lies. In fact, I found out our whole marriage, our life, the man I thought he was, was a lie. And I couldn't believe I'd actually been with him. My current ex. He was clean & sober 3 years, when he walked back into my life. One of the 1st things he asked of me, was not to lie, steal or cheat on him. Because all the women before me had done that. We based our relationships on truth, honesty & communication. When he relapsed, the lies started. And even the times after, when he'd be clean for a time, it almost seemed like he'd lie just because that was all he knew. He'd even lie, when I knew he was full of it. Another thing that was odd. He stole to get money to use. Once he got clean & sober, he still shoplifted. He was like an obsession. By the way, I talked to all the ex's before me. Yes, they all cheated on him. But he also lied about the women they were. In fact, they all had enough of him & it was there way of trying to get rid of him.

Bottom line....addicts lie.....& unless they work real hard, the lies become second nature.

Lynne
Blackrose2756 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:36 AM.