decided something
 

well, I finally came to the decision to start taking anti-depressents. I have had this low-level depression for a LONG, LONG time. In shrink terms it is called disthymia. Just an ongoing unhappiness. I reckon I have had it for a number of years. But since December the depression has been really deepening, I have times when I wonder if I will be able to function in the near future or if I will just end up falling apart and giving up. Yeah, the abf's situation is a contributing factor, but also aspects of my professional life, financial situation, family situation, etc, these things all sort of imploded during the fall/winter and I have times when I am really struggling to keep afloat.

In some way I have been resisting this because it feels like a sort of failure. My ex was a manic depressive and when he went into his tail spins and started to not get out of bed and lost jobs and what not I was so disgusted with him, that he would let himself crash that far and shirk all his responsibilities to his family and such. I have desperately not wanted to give in and go the same way he did, I viewed him as such a failure because he couldn't keep going and eventually ended up taking off and checking into a mental hospital (still hasn't recovered completely, drives a taxi, never sends child support of any kind.)

You know, in some ways, dealing with an addict is easier than dealing with a mental case, but then again, the addict in my life doesn't live with me or have any of the financial responsibilities towards me and my kids the way the ex did.

I have been toying with the idea for a couple of weeks, and last night, after the abf disappeared and I felt like falling apart, I thought "what am I waiting around for? if this can help me than why not? and who knows, maybe it will give me the boost I need to get myself out of this situation." I mean, there I was expecting the abf to be supportive and provide emotional need, and he didn't/wouldn't and I realized that I was looking in the wrong direction. I mean, fact is, he can't do it for me, don't know if he ever can, I can only do it for myself..

who knows what this change might bring about. I know they take a while to work, as much as a month or 6 weeks before some people feel a change. All I know is that something has to give, I can't sit around feeling this unhappy about things, and feeling like I am just sliding down hill. My therapist thinks it is a good idea to give the anti-depressants a try...
so, why not go with the professional advice.

Do you know what they are going to prescribe you? I take a low dose anti anxiety antidepressant. I do fine when Im on it. Unfortunately if I go off of it I crash quickly and worse than ever. (Last week) A few days back on it and I feel great. They help you cope and who knows in 6 months you may be able to taper off again.

I understand where you are coming from. I did not live with my addict very long only 4 months. But since he left, I have had to do the same thing. It is not because I miss him, cause I don't. I think that after living with as much "drama" as I did, that now I feel un-needed. It was a hard decision for me as well. But I am a single mom, I can't let this slow me down. I am glad that I am taking them. I feel so much better. I think that you made the right decision. I am proud of you

I suffer with depression too, it runs in my family. I got to the point where I absolutely couldn't function. I would literally lay in bed all day and just cry, and this was before RAH even entered the picture. At that time I went to see a therapist and she suggested anti-depressants. I struggled a LOT with the thought of taking them, didn't want to have to take a pill just to feel "normal". I did end up taking them and they helped a great deal. At the same time I was taking them I took a good look at everything in my life to see what helped to trigger the depression; i hated my job, I never went out and had fun...etc. I started making some changes and my depression subsided. I've since stopped with the anti-depressants, and my depression is still under control.
If you think that the medication would help I would definately give it a try.

my situation is complicated by the fact that I have epilepsy and take seizure meds. a lot of antidepressants are seizure triggers and that is one of the other reasons I have been resistant. My seizure have been under control for a long time and I really did not want to risk having one.

so I have to line up the Neuro, the shrink and my GP to get this sorted out. I am not sure what I can take, but I now the well-known meds like Prozac and Welbutrin are out.

Then again, a lot of women with epilepsy can't take birth control pills and I take them without probs, so who knows, I will let the professionals figure it out.

The only prob now that I made the decision is that it will take 2 weeks for me to get everything lined up with all the docs I need to see.

But I must say, having made the decision has already sort of lightened my load, you know, light at the end of the tunnel and all...

glad to see you taking care of yourself. at one time i suffered a bad case of depression, i just could not function and i too layed in the fetal position for months. the anti depressants helped but i was too afraid to get addicted so i didn't continue to take them. i resently found out that i may not have gotten addicted to them but thats what i thought.

what helped me then, was to elimanate those stressors. mainly my husband and his addiction and began to follow you guys suggeations. youre right though to leave it to the professionals, i think they know better how to treat you. still praying for you and yours.

just want to say i hope you get to feeling better fast.hugs, hope

Anti-depressants can be a life-saver if taken as prescribed. Coupled with therapy, you may only have to take them for a while. Never hurts to try, I guess. Just make sure you go to a good doctor and not a "candyman".

I take Topomax, for migraines but its used for epilepsy patients too and Lexapro. The combination works great for me. I didnt know I had anxiety or depression until I started taking the Topomax and for teh first time ever I remember asking if this is what normal feels like.
When I went off it due to pregnancy they started the anxiety meds to counteract withdrawals, but like I said stopping the 2 for financial reasons for even 2 weeks was extremely danagerous

I have also been considering taking anti-depressents. I have a feeling that it is just the situation I'm in, because when I was in rehab for a year I was so happy. Sometimes I'm afraid that if I do start taking them I will just "accept" what is happening around me and settle. I have a dr. appt next week- we'll see what she says.
I'm glad that you made that decision for yourself. I really hope it helps!!!