Work--The Final Frontier
 

Today my husband is 30 days clean! Yay!

He is doing quite well. He quit heroin cold turkey, which was extremely difficult and painful--but with my support, his family's help, going to meetings and a lot of prayer, he made it through.

Up until this past week, he's still been sick. The acute phase of the withdrawal only took about 5 days to pass through, but he was still having nasty depression, muscle cramps, sleep issues, and other psychological effects up until last Friday. He has gotten a prescription for Prozac, and he's now been taking it for a little over 2 weeks, so I think it has kicked in as well as his own natural healing.

It's been beautiful watching him this past week as he feels better. It's as if he's noticing life for the first time in months. The flowers are blooming in the trees, the air is warm, everything smells fresh and sweet...he's suddenly able to make love to me again (Thank God! It's been months!) and he's able to sleep, enjoy life, breathe deeply. I have jokingly started calling him Mr. Seratonin because he's so full of joy.

I am celebrating this with him, and I am enjoying having my husband back. I also want to honor his 30 days of sobriety, and I was thinking of taking him out to dinner. However, I am harboring a deep resentment because he still hasn't gone back to work.

When I found his needles and we had our crisis, he had just left one job to begin another. He is an artist, and the studio where he has been hired is one of the best in this area. It is the opportunity of a lifetime--both for his art, and also financially because the folks who work at this studio make really good money (which, of course, is rare in the arts). Because he was going through withdrawal and dealing with some really serious life issues, he put of starting work there by pleading health problems. I have now been supporting the both of us for two months...

I'm a freelance writer, and I am not a wealthy woman. In addition to his transfer to another studio right before I found his needles, we'd just bought our first home. Since we closed on the house, I've been paying all the bills, buying all the groceries, providing all the transportation--doing EVERYTHING.

Like I said, I want to be supportive of his recovery. I want to be a good wife. I want to be patient and loving, and if he's not in a place where he can go back to work, I don't want to force him. However, he seems to be doing so much better...I think I am going to have to issue an ultimatum to him. I've got to protect myself and my own resources, and he is becoming a financial drain.

I'd love to hear your feedback on what you think I should do. Would I be out of line if I told him that he has to start working by next week or get out?

this is a hard call i think, i kind of think the word ultimatum, sounds a little or controlling, but setting deadlines is kind of a good idea i think, but what do i know about it. i think that it may help if you could have a conversation with him explaining how you feel and how long you are will to wait, may be set a few boundaries, you seem to be doing pretty good without his income, and thats a plus, at least you have a plan just in case things don't work the way you plan them. i do think that the decision is yours, though

I think Id explain to him in simple terms that you guys need his financial contribution and you cannot pull it alone anymore