Blogs


Notices

Just some...stuff...

Old 04-02-2007, 07:00 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
joesentme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: somewhere in MA
Posts: 54
Just some...stuff...

When I was considering the question of staying with my a or going NC, (Completely and for good)...

What I found was that I could come up with a convincing argument for either choice, depending on whether I focused on what I loved about him, or what I didn’t like…

The only way I was able to decide, was to completely remove my addict from the equation, and only ask myself if I liked MY life, the way it is right now.

If I could have any kind of life I desired, would I choose this one?

Without hesitation, my answer was”NO”! And this is the ONLY life I get! How sad!

I found that when I removed the “relationship” factor, I really wasn’t doing many things that I truly enjoyed. Things that brought me real joy and contentment!

I REMEMBER a time when I was not like that. I was just …me…. I was happier, more relaxed, and a lot more fun to hang out with.

(Ultimately he became extremely physical abusive, towards the end, so that made the choice for me actually.).

I had it very, very tough when I first left, (In the DV shelter, my life was anything but, my own. It’s a very controlling, isolating environment, and definitely a “last resort” only!)

It’s been several months since I left, and I am glad I did. I am very creative and I still look forward to creating a life I actually LOVE!

(Sometimes, I feel so greedy and protective of my time, my thoughts, my energy… I don’t know if I’ll ever want to share me with anyone, ever again LOL! )

Now though, I am struggling with, not letting the pain and anxiety of my abusive relationship, transfers into fear of future mistreatment! Lately, I seem to be feeling the same emotions that I had while I was in that relationship and I keep looking for a different cause. I am beginning to suspect that it’s just …I don’t know…habit? A conditioned emotional cycle? PTSD?

One day I’ll be optimistic, and then a couple days later, I feel so depressed and I can barely stand it! I can’t believe I’m getting in my own way like this!

I hope to God this is just a transitional period, maybe I’m just expecting too much, too soon? Why does every little set-back seem like such a big deal these days?!

JSM~is grumpy today.
joesentme is offline  
Old 04-02-2007, 07:05 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
hope213's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
every body has a bad day that can sometimes go in to a week. is that what it is? focus on you & what you want to do. maybe take up a hobby.i hope u get to feeling better soon. hugs,
hope213 is offline  
Old 04-02-2007, 08:12 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
marle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
If you look up the defintion of PTSD you see that being in a situation where you are fearing for your life can cause it. If you were physically abused then you would qualify. If the bad days become more frequent or more debilitating going to the doctor and discussing your symptoms may not be a bad idea. I know that we codies tend to think that we should be strong in all situations, but sometimes we need some help. Hugs, Marle
marle is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:15 AM.