I am not sure where Im at in all this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Quinlan, TX
Posts: 73
I am not sure where Im at in all this
The A in my life is my husband. we have been together for 18 years now. (since I was 16) And he has been addicted to pain pills ,xanax , and somas. He has done the methadone program a few times. He would still get messed up on other pills. Over the past few years it has gotten worse. I have been telling him to stop or I was leaving. He said he would stop taking them. But, that I know he can't stop cold turkey or it would just put him in the bed. He said he had cut down. He told me he was only taking 4 a day down from 10
(thats only pain pills). Well I get a call from where he works out of town saying he was smoking crack on a friday, then on monday it was speed. I am scared he is trying to trade one addiction for another. And I don't want any part of any of it. I have started pulling my self away from him. Like this week friday he went and got pills. ( he buys them all off the streets) He was supposed to give me the money to pay light bill. Needless to say, he didn't have the money today. If some one could give me some advise on how to stop feeling guilty.and where to start at. I have went and got an application for an apartment for me and my girls. I just don't know how to start over after all this time. Any help\ advise would be greatly appreciated.
(thats only pain pills). Well I get a call from where he works out of town saying he was smoking crack on a friday, then on monday it was speed. I am scared he is trying to trade one addiction for another. And I don't want any part of any of it. I have started pulling my self away from him. Like this week friday he went and got pills. ( he buys them all off the streets) He was supposed to give me the money to pay light bill. Needless to say, he didn't have the money today. If some one could give me some advise on how to stop feeling guilty.and where to start at. I have went and got an application for an apartment for me and my girls. I just don't know how to start over after all this time. Any help\ advise would be greatly appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: charlotte,NC
Posts: 111
I hope you are able to make it to a Nar-Anon meeting. I can't say enough how much this support group has helped me. I've only been attending for about a month, so I'm still relatively a neophyte, but the information and support I've gotten from my meetings has made me so much stronger. I can just hear the pain in the tone of your message, and we all relate to you so much. It's terrifying to be in your situation, and I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
Remember that the most important thing for you is to keep yourself sane, happy, healthy, and safe. Find solace and serenity in whatever places you can.
Remember that the most important thing for you is to keep yourself sane, happy, healthy, and safe. Find solace and serenity in whatever places you can.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
don't know if i've met you yet, welcome, the addict in my life is my husband, i think that you are right to not want no part in all of this, and that you have a great plan to do more for you and your girls. maybe you can learn all you can about addiction and check your area for alanon or naranon meetings for yourself. i think that you are on your way to a better life, one step after the next and you will get there. your life can get better even if your husband don't. there is nothing that you can do about him and his addiction, there is nothing you can do to make him want to stop. this decision is his and his alone. you have made some good decisions for your life and i pray that you can follow through.
his behavior is common for an addict, and it gets so much worse. addiction is a progressive desease and your husband will have to find his own way, that may mean that you'll have to step aside and allow him to hit rock bottom whatever that means for him. keep the focus on you and the kids.
none of this is your fault, so try not feel guilty for doing what you have to do to protect yourself and your kids, neither of you guys deserve this kind of life. keeping you and yours in my prayers, and i pray that your husband finds his way soon.
his behavior is common for an addict, and it gets so much worse. addiction is a progressive desease and your husband will have to find his own way, that may mean that you'll have to step aside and allow him to hit rock bottom whatever that means for him. keep the focus on you and the kids.
none of this is your fault, so try not feel guilty for doing what you have to do to protect yourself and your kids, neither of you guys deserve this kind of life. keeping you and yours in my prayers, and i pray that your husband finds his way soon.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 333
Way it is not your fault nor do you have anything to feel guilty about. Do something kind for yourself and protect your children. Lovestoomuch and I live just up the road from you and there is a lot of dope in your area. Be careful and be kind to yourself.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((Wayconfused)))
A counselor asked me once,
"If an addict can get a hot meal, a dry bed and a warm body in it AND his drug... WHY would he ever quit?"
I hadn't quite thought of it that way.
When they tell me I am enabling my addict with all my "love" and "support", what they mean is that I am actually allowing the addict to continue using... that in some ways, I facilitate the addiction!
That was hard to hear. But it makes sense. Just as I could not "ride the bike" for my kids... I had to let THEM ride the bike and learn how NOT to fall; so must they learn how NOT to use.
It is learning. They are capable. But as long as I carry them, why do they ever need to ride on their own?
I hope you can get that separate apartment and even MORE, I hope you can find some of those face to face meetings. Naranon, if you can find it, but if not, Alanon or CODA meetings can help you just as much.
You deserve a good life. Your girls deserve a good life. Time to reach out and grab it.
(((hugs)))
A counselor asked me once,
"If an addict can get a hot meal, a dry bed and a warm body in it AND his drug... WHY would he ever quit?"
I hadn't quite thought of it that way.
When they tell me I am enabling my addict with all my "love" and "support", what they mean is that I am actually allowing the addict to continue using... that in some ways, I facilitate the addiction!
That was hard to hear. But it makes sense. Just as I could not "ride the bike" for my kids... I had to let THEM ride the bike and learn how NOT to fall; so must they learn how NOT to use.
It is learning. They are capable. But as long as I carry them, why do they ever need to ride on their own?
I hope you can get that separate apartment and even MORE, I hope you can find some of those face to face meetings. Naranon, if you can find it, but if not, Alanon or CODA meetings can help you just as much.
You deserve a good life. Your girls deserve a good life. Time to reach out and grab it.
(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Hi wayconfused,
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, but I'm glad you found us. There is a wealth of information and support here, for all of the different options you have. And you DO have options, that's the one thing you should know.
First: Guilt has no place in this, like teke says. YOU did not cause his addiction, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. You are saving yourself, and saving your kids, by considering removing yourself from that insane situation.....and while it has to feel really unnatural and strange after 18 years, know that the REAL unnatural and awful thing is having to live with an active addict. Especially your girls, who are helpless and relying on you to protect them from this.
Read around here a bit and you will learn about the many faces of addiction, and will see lots of familiar addictive patterns. You are not alone. We've all been there, and we've all survived, and you can too.
You don't have to do anything fast. For example, many of us started by separating our finances so that our money could no longer be drained by addiction. We got part time jobs sometimes, or just started setting aside something for an apartment. (Personally, I did what you are trying to do and got an apartment for myself, just to separate myself from the craziness. All of a sudden I didn't feel crazy any more
)
Think about sitting in on a NarAnon or AlAnon meeting in your area. Those groups were really helpful to me, again, so that I didn't feel so crazy and alone. The support was great and it helped me to save myself.
We are here for you.
Love,
GiveLove
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, but I'm glad you found us. There is a wealth of information and support here, for all of the different options you have. And you DO have options, that's the one thing you should know.
First: Guilt has no place in this, like teke says. YOU did not cause his addiction, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. You are saving yourself, and saving your kids, by considering removing yourself from that insane situation.....and while it has to feel really unnatural and strange after 18 years, know that the REAL unnatural and awful thing is having to live with an active addict. Especially your girls, who are helpless and relying on you to protect them from this.
Read around here a bit and you will learn about the many faces of addiction, and will see lots of familiar addictive patterns. You are not alone. We've all been there, and we've all survived, and you can too.
You don't have to do anything fast. For example, many of us started by separating our finances so that our money could no longer be drained by addiction. We got part time jobs sometimes, or just started setting aside something for an apartment. (Personally, I did what you are trying to do and got an apartment for myself, just to separate myself from the craziness. All of a sudden I didn't feel crazy any more
) Think about sitting in on a NarAnon or AlAnon meeting in your area. Those groups were really helpful to me, again, so that I didn't feel so crazy and alone. The support was great and it helped me to save myself.
We are here for you.
Love,
GiveLove
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Northern California
Posts: 57
Just to add one more voice encouraging you to go to Naranon or Alanon--it helps so much to know you're not alone. I would also advise reading the stickies "What Addicts Do" (It'll sound like your addict wrote it) and the one on detaching.
You aren't alone!
You aren't alone!
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