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-   -   So much pain... (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers/119955-so-much-pain.html)

HKAngel24 04-02-2007 07:55 AM

So much pain...
 
My heart feels ripped open and raw.
Everything reminds me of him.
I feel a deep and consuming emptiness.
He has been such a large part of my life for such a long time.
He cannot or will not admit to the extent of his problem.
He will forfeit everything I THOUGHT we had in the name of denial.
It feels so heart wrenching that the same person who treated me like a queen once is acting so indifferent and as though he could care less about me.
I feel like this pain will never stop.
I can barely function.

INLOVEWITHCH 04-02-2007 08:07 AM

Heather,
That is absolutely so beautiful.. sad, but beautiful.

GiveLove 04-02-2007 08:07 AM

Heather,

I'm so sorry.

This is what it feels like, it's what we've all been through here. The initial feelings are just like being ripped apart.

The only way out of the pain is THROUGH. You can't change him, you can't go back to those cinderella days, you can't fix this.

All you can do is get some support (a counselor or therapist is a great idea) and work your way through this. The pain will end if you keep going through...like having surgery to correct a painful thing with your body. But if you stay where you are, the pain will just keep coming and coming.

Can you occupy your mind? Can you keep busy and keep focused on things that give you pleasure? (if we all treated OURSELVES like queens & kings, we wouldn't mourn that others aren't there doing it for us) Nar-anon or Al-anon meetings were really helpful to me too.

Sending you hugs. I know I can't say anything that will convince you it gets easier, but it really really does if you just bust out the other side.

Love,
GL

hopeforever 04-02-2007 08:09 AM

h k angel
sorryfor all the pain,,
i know u will survive!! look at the lighta t the end of the tunnel!!
find ways to put osme love toyour empptiness,..
tak care of yourself,, spoil yourself..
do things in life that make u feel good about your life,, and hugs and mayeb go to meetings ,, and hugs toyou and i hope u feel better soon

hope213 04-02-2007 08:14 AM

hugs & prayers,hope

HKAngel24 04-02-2007 08:30 AM

Thank you all, as always for the support and replies.
I am pretty much aware that I am struggling with the acceptance piece. The loss of what I thought could be between us- all that we've talked about- all that we've planned... it just feels so terrible.
He was always the one I came to for support and strength.
Now he is unrecognizable.
I'm still very much engaged in wanting him to change. While I KNOW that nothing I say or do will make him want recovery ~ that HE must want it~ I still can't seem to FEEL that at the moment.

teke 04-02-2007 08:37 AM

i agree with anvil, is there a way that you can find something to do that will keep your mind occupied, try not to think about him at all, for a little while, read a book out loud, go for a walk, start a project like maybe clean a closet or something that you can do to block out all thoughts of him just for a little while. you'll find that the more you do this, the less you'll have to. just like anvil said, you have to do the foot work if you want to feel better.

mybe its time to except the fact that he is an addict and thats how addicts acts, you can't change what is, and meditating on what was is only making you feel worse. most of us have been where you are and do understand how hard it is and how much it hurts, but at some point, we all came to accept that what is, is, and that there is nothing that we could do but try to move past what you know it to be now. you have to began to think about not what you are missing but what are you gonna do now that it is missing. i'm praying for you. try to take the focus off him and put it completely on you and decide what are you gonna do if he does not go back to the man you pnce knew. sorry that you are going through this but if you want a change in the way you feel and the way your life is going, you may have to be the one who do the changing.

Blackrose2756 04-02-2007 10:38 AM

I know how you feel. But it does get better. I am finally able to somewhat move on after a year. I've known my ex for 31 years. And he meant everything to me that yours did to you. I have trouble with the acceptance part. Counseling does help. My counselor told me in the beginning that I could pray for his recovery & pray that he finds his way out of the darkness, but that I had to put him on the back burner & get on with my life. Easier said than done. But you will make it. A year ago I never thought I'd get this far.

Brownie 04-02-2007 10:41 AM

HKangel - So sorry for your pain - you are getting good advice keep posting and let us know how YOU are - Sending love - (((HUGS))) - Prayers.


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