mish99

So, last week i posted that my mother cut my brother. I though it was for real since she wouldnt even see him on his birthday. But, its not. We have this programme in out area called tough love. It helps families with addicted children. They said that it is ok to talk to my brother and to see him. Its ok to feed him (not buy him groceries) as long as we dont give him money. Its so irratating! Why will he change if he has everything he wants? He knows my mother is weak and will eventually give him money if he keeps asking. My mom cant see it and ive had enough. I just feel so irratated that she keeps saying one thing and doing the total opposite! Am i right that my mom should stop or am i the one thats in wrong?

Tinwoman

Mish........We have the tough love in our area but I'm a grandmother and I'm trying to save it all for my 14 year old grandson. My daughter was kicked out on the street Feb. 1st and I found out that her old landlord has all HIS (not hers) belongins. He has been staying with a friend and thinks that the house they were living in was sold so everything is in storage. I just rented a condo across from his school and got everything out of storage. She owes $2600 and I feel I should get his things for him before he comes home from spring break. She lived in the house for 3 years and never a problem until December.
The last month has been terrible for me. I pay $525.00 a month for his school and thats with his 85% schlorship. What do I do? Hope you guys can help me.

lil516

I am sorry you are going thru this

I am the mom of an addict so I can relate somewhat to your mom's plight...

fortunately my son is clean and sober for today but I know that is his part of recovery and my part is to keep my side of the street clean...

if he were to relapse I pray I would be able to stay strong and use my tools (emphasis on the word "pray")

it's hard

your mom is as addicted to him as he is to drugs

both need withdrawal and recovery

you are not wrong to realize this
you need to loving detach and encourage mom to seek support from a therapist or alanon naranon meetings

until she gets help and faces the 12 steps of recovery I fear you will be moving forward on this journey alone...(well not alone you have us!)

take care of you
lead by example

bookmiser

(((((Mish)))))

I'm sorry, honey. It can be so very hard on a child who has an addict sibling.
Mom is frantically trying to save one child, while the other is in pain, as well.
My daughter used to be anger with me whenever I would "give in" to my son's wants. It took a long time for me to see that by enabling him, I wasn't helping him at all. I was hurting him. Realizing that helped me to find recovery for me.
Sometimes, an enabler, mom's especially, have to reach their own "rock bottom". It could be quick, or sometimes never.
My sister has been dealing with her addict sons alot longer than I have with mine, and she's still in the throes. I pity her, sometimes. I'm angry with her, sometimes, and sometimes, I have to detach from her as well. Just stay away from it for a while. The only thing I can suggest, sweetie, is that you focus on you. Are you close with your dad? Maybe the two of you could come up with a plan of detachment together. You really need support right now. Find an adult you can talk to openly about your feelings. School counselor, teacher, friend, relative. Someone close to you. Maybe even mom.
Tell her how you feel. Try writing her a letter, and tell her how hurt and angry your feeling. She honestly not trying to hurt or anger you. She's in the throes of saving. That's what we do, until we realize... letting go and letting God tend to our addict, is the best thing for them, and for us.
Are you attending the tough love meetings?
We're here for ya, sweetie. Keep posting and take care of you.

teke

i agree with bookmiser, you may have to do some detaching from them both, you can't do much about your mom either. hopefully she'll soon come to her end with your brother too. i know it must be hard for you to watch, but hopefully you will continue to come here and go to your meetings, i'll be praying for you and yours.

BigSis

Good words above me, Mish.

Just as you have a struggle wanting your mom to follow the path YOU believe is right, she also struggles wanting your brother to follow the path SHE believes is right.

Pretty similar behavior.

You could practice the same "tough love" with her that you do with your brother.... it might help.

I hope you can stick around and read some of the posts here. There is much to learn about addiction. (((hugs)))

mish99

Thanks guys.

I wish she would stop, but i cant tell her what to do. She bought him groceries yesterday, and even a present for his flat!!! Couldnt beleive it, im just waiting for him to sell it, but i just left it alone. Didnt say a word. Its very frustrating but just like i did with my brother, i am going to wash my hands of this.

Thanks everyone, its always nice to have a place to let it all out