sun daisy

Well I'm back. For the past yr. have been in and out -see what is going on. Son was in jail. He got out. Went to half way house- also for homeless. He was kicked out?? he said they accused him of using and didnt want to do a test. Soooo he came home. Met a nice woman who he evenually moved in with. He had a job. But his using became too much especially when she found him injecting. Kicked him out- she also has 2 young daughters and didnt want that going on in her home. So he came back here. He finally said that he had to go to detox. But they couldnt take him right away. 10 days later he went. I work, husband retired so he had to "babysit son". We will not do that again. He got out today. Was suppose to go to half way house 70 miles from home. We said we would take him. Went to family group meeting that talked about addiction and how they can help themselves. Son then told us that he wasnt going to the mission and could he and a girl he met there, stay with us for 3 days until a guy they met was gettin out and then they would move in with him.!!!???? Thought his dad would jump out of car and choke him. We said no. Will take them to Salvation Army. They said no. So we said goodbye. We gave them the $40 that was suppose to be the intake fee. He said they had a place to stay near us until the guy got out. Said fine. But dont come to our house. Got home he called and said that they hitched and payed some stranger to drive them down. I met them at a local drug store and gave him some of his clothes and a blanket. Said to call during the week and let me know how he is doing. Said not to call at home. Only at my work. I told him that he was on his own. Cannt deal with his decision. Husband has some health issues that we will have to take care. Right now I could kill the kid. He is 27, been an addict probably for 10 yrs. Has spent 15 months-2 different times in jail. Have decided to let him go. I know that detaching from him will take awhile. Read some of the stickies at the top and have started a list of thing that will help me. Just wanted to vent. Will be here more often, and need some prayers to keep me going. Everyone here seems to have some inner peace that is so comforting to see. I'm really hurting and hope that I will be at peace with myself and what he had decided. I know what I'm doing is right but boy it hurts

teke

boy do you have a plan,and you sound so strong, seems like you are doing just fine from where i sit. i will continue to pray for you and your family and a special prayer for your son. hope that he finds his way soon.

haven't met you yet, welcome back. the addict in my life is my husband, i know that it has to be hard but what you have decided for you may just be the best thing you could have done for your son.

rayofsunshine

Sorry you're hurting, but glad you are taking care of yourself and setting boundaries with your son. It's hard, but things will get better.
Keeping you and your husband and son in my prayers.

marle

Welcome to SR, This place is a godsend to me since I do not have meetings close by. My daughter is my addict. She is 20. DOC heroin. It took me a while to be able to Let go and give her to God, but I did get there. One thing I can tell you is you will have good days and not so good days, but as long as you are willing, you will find that you can get to a better place in your life. I have found peace for the most part. I know that my daughter's addiction and her choices belong to her and my part is to take care of me. Hugs, Marle

hope213

((((sun daisy)) it is hard to let go of our children not matter what the age is.my son is also my addict,also my baby i love dearly.when we have had enough we learn we do have to let go.let go or be dragged.i am glad you are with us.we r here to help you.there is nothing you can do to help your son. my thoughts & prayers are with you, your husband & son.hugs,hope

sun daisy

Thanks everyone for the support. I forgot how to do the thank you thingy. Let me know. Will keep posting and working on sticking to my list. I started a list of what I will do to help myself. Thanks again.

Nina Kay

Glad to see you back, sun daisy. I'm sorry that things keep going this way for you and your husband. I know from experience that all of this hurts alot. It does seem that you are making progress in detaching more rapidly than I, so I'm impressed with your strength to set and keep some boundaries with your son. My son just turned 31 and I have said the words to him that you said to yours, but I know that God was doing for me what I couldn't do for myself, because they were just words that came out of my mouth because I got an opening and I'm very afraid that I would never be able to back them up if I was put in certain situations. I'm not strong where he is concerned and he knows it. I keep coming back here and I'm glad that you decided to come back here too for support. We really need to stick together to encourage each other, don't we?!

Done_With_It

Addiction sucks.. I'm sorry you are in so much pain.. There's a another good book you might want to check out called, You can heal your life. It's really good..

BigSis

((((SunDaisy))))) I am so sorry you are going through this. I know you did not bring that beautiful boy into this world ever thinking this would be his future. What I know today is that the chairs around the AA tables are filled with lots of sober, happy, caring men who at 27 were active in their disease and a disappointment to their families.

There is always hope. Alanon helps me remember that. If you get a chance, I hope you can find some meetings. You are already showing some incredible recovery.

(((hugs)))

dollydo

Sun,

Good for you, don't be a stranger, let us hear from you. We need you as much as you need us.

Here_I_Am

I'm sorry you're in such pain! You certainly have such a good plan set in place for yourself. Keep taking care of yourself and come here often. We are here for you and know you'll be here for us! The book Done-with-it mentioned is wonderful! The author is Louise Hay and she has a LOT of great stuff out there!!! It is helping me heal my life right now. Done- there is also a companion book to that...more like a journal with topic starters. I LOVE it!!! Sorry, don't mean to hijack this thread...just wanted to share in case anyone out there is looking to feel better!!!

I'm glad you're back...and that I got a chance to meet you Sun. My child is also the addict in my life. I know how it hurts, and I also know it doesn't have to hurt us forever. I'm keeping you in my prayers.

hopalong

Sun Daisy - my thoughts and prayers are with you! I had to do the same thing with my husband of 20 years...but there is a time when we just have to let go for our own sanity and well being! I still love my husband with all my heart and the hurt is so deep I'm not sure I will ever trust another male ever again. Know you are doing what is best for you and your husband! I just try and hang on to each day!

havehope

Glad you posted. My daughter is my addict, DOC cocaine. She is 20 yr. old. I have recently turned her over to God and I am finally feeling the peace that I have heard from so many here at SR. It took me a while to get to that spot, but once I did, it was so good for me. I still love my daughter and pray for her alot. But my happiness was being determined by what she was doing and that was not good for me or my family.

You sound very strong and have a plan; that is so good.
HUGS to you!
Terri

tropikgal2

Big HUGS to you (((((SunDaisy))))
I am so so sorry you are having to feel such pain. YOu are doing a VERY VERY good job sticking to your boundaries though. You are setting a good example for others who are still suffering due to codependency. Stay strong and find peace.

sun daisy

You Can'nt believe how the support I have received from everyone is helping. He tried calling and we ignored it. Then this evening he walked in the house and wanted a ride to where his girlfriend was. I said fine. He said I also need $160.oo for a motel for 2 nights until their friend? was getting out of detox and he was to get them and then they would move into this friends house. I told him no,no and no. I did call the Salvation Army, they would take his girlfriend and he would go to the mens homeless shelter. I said lets go, you will have a place to sleep, some food and you are close to the detox place, closer for your friend to pick you up. I don't think he liked the idea. SO I said lets ask your girlfriend. Off we go. He keeps saying use your credit card or check book, I said the cards are in safety box, dont use them. I don't carry check book unless i go food shopping. Soooo dropped him off at store his girlfriend was on phone. He said she was calling hospital because her brother had od. I said since one of your friends is there, have him take you guys to hospital and check on her brother, and then you can sleep on the couchs at the lobby.!! He said you will not hear from me again. I said we are behind you in your recovery but we feel your plans right now are not in your best interest. If you change your mind call us , we will drive you to the half way mission. And then I drove home. I feel like a big sh***, but i also felt relived. I am worrying about him, but hope for the best. So far I'm sticking to my guns and it really hurts, that I am. But I truly believe that in the end it will work out. Thanks for the support

Wascally Wabbit

Sun daisy, I have the same problem with my 27 year old son. I couldn't take him living with me any more. It hurts so very much to see them destroy themselves. But, by the grace of God almighty, they'll wake up some day and see that they don't want to continue living like that. In the mean time, we pray and hope in our HP for peace and comfort.
I have heard stories of mothers keeping their sons till the son is in his 50;s and still not changed. That's because the mother is enabling.
We just can't do that any more.
We can't change what can't be changed, but we can change the way we deal with things.
I hope your heart finds peace through all this.

havehope

Boy, you have really stuck to your guns!! I'll say! Good for you. I am so proud of your determination. I know it hurts like hell to do this, but you are right that this is the best thing for you to do.
You should be proud of yourself! I am!
Terri

blackbird

Sun daisy, hang tough - this is one of those moments where it will make a difference = just reading your post there has been one thing after another and drama over drama in just a short time after he got out, I know this cause I have lived it, and man is it hard to stick to that "NO MORE", but your words are like dejavu, you said we will support you in your recovery, it took awhile to get to that point didn't it? And the hurt you, your husband, your son have endured during all of this, I wish there was a way to make that go away, by sticking to our plan and not giving in was the best thing we as his parents could do, lord knows we tried everything else. This is it, the beautiful NO - this is where things change one way or the other for him, I can tell you my AS would have destroyed us because it wasn;t even him anymore. Stick to your plan and good luck, I will pray for him, his girlfriend, the brother in the hospital and you and your husband. peace-blackbird

jeepgirl

You are doing the most loving thing you can do for your son - accepting nothing less then responsibility and sobriety. Good for you! I am in a similar position with my daughter. The first time I said no was the hardest. It will get easier with time, and they will either get stronger or hit bottom sooner. You are a loving mom, and you are doing the only thing a loving mom can do.
jeepgirl

washbe2

(((SunDaisy))))
Being a parent isn't easy. Being the parent of an addict is a seemingly never-ending nightmare. You sound very wise - willing to assist your son get what he needs, but not willing to assist him in obtaining what he doesn't need. Not totally shutting him out, but not giving in to his desires.
The stories sound so much like what my AS has said to me so many times. There's always someone who is going to "help them out" in a day or two. It usually never materializes. It's funny how addicts believe what other addicts tell them. Kind of makes me not feel so dumb, when addicts fall for their own lies. If anyone should know better, they certainly should!
I wish you and your family the best and pray God's blessings will fall on you.
You inspire me!
Washbe