Blackrose2756

I was just reading an article in a magazine about changing your life & making yourself happy. In the article they asked several women "What is the happiest part of your day". One woman responded that when she heard her husband come through the door at night, she had to smile. That was the happiest part of her day.

I remember when my ex was clean & sober, I used to be so happy to hear him come through the back door. He'd grab me for a big hug & kiss, take a quick shower & we'd make dinner together. And that was the happiest part of my day.

Then addiction walked back into our lives & the "WORST" part of my day was wondering if or when he was coming home & what kind of mood he'd be in. Or sitting there for hours waiting for him to come home, knowing what he was doing.

I know some of us really miss the men we fell in love with & wonder if we did the right thing. Then I read this & remember how something so wonderful could turn so BAD, & I know I did the right thing.

CatsPajamas

I know what you mean. I had someone in my life whom I had to let go, and I still miss him. Sometimes the pain is so incredibly strong and raw... but thankfully I have a strong program of recovery. I have learned so much. I know that it's healthy and good for me to feel my feelings. I know that feelings are JUST feelings and not facts, no matter how big and hairy and scary they are. And I also know that he's not a healthy person, and it would be very UNhealthy for me to have a relationship of any kind with him.

I have learned.

And I still miss him.

~ Cat

faith123

I thought about that sickness and unhealthness tonight, also. I thought just what you thought: about how he and I couldn't live together unless he stopped using--because he is so sick right now. Even if he decided to stop, he would have to commit to a long-term program. It would take him a long time to get this under control.

teke

sending you hugs and to let you know that you are still in my prayers.

Trying_in_Texas

Blackrose... great post. I feel the same way. Things like this - they make me realize I did the right thing too.

One that hit me this week was seeing two people that were obviously very much in love shopping with their little boy. If I would have seen that when I was with ex-ABF, I would have felt so sad for myself... that he had "taken" that away from me. When I saw it this week, I thought "someday, I can have that".

It also means a lot of nights alone... and a lot of grief along the way too... but it is worth it.

patchoulli

I used to love to come home from work and see Keiths car. We used to be in contact during the day, even if it was a quick, "love ya" via phone. The last months, I was lucky if he called me to tell me he was gonna be late, or even come home. I loved him and probably always will love the man he was before his relapse, but the demon that was left was not anyone that I would want to spend time with ever again. I really did not know how bad things were with him, he didn't come home when he was messed up[his friends told me], the last 3 weeks of his life, I have found that he not only hit my credit card, but also hit my debit card[he had my pin number]. I believe his death from an overdose was his destiny, I believe that he was beyond help here on earth and it was truly his time... I will always love him, finding out the truth the last few weeks since his passing, has made it easier for me to mourn, say good bye to him, and start living my life again rather than blame myself for not seeing what was in front of my face. I am very thankful to have found this site, I read posts here and absolutely understand and am understood.

hope213

(((( blackrose)))))

BigSis

(((Blackrose)))

... a season, a reason or a lifetime.


I often think of this saying about why people enter our lives. Had we known is was for only a season, would we have given so much of ourselves and allowed the great times to be SO wonderful? Or would we have held back, and missed the good days?



((hugs))

loveRoy

The happiest part of my day is coming home from work and knowing that I will not smell that awful smell, hear him slur his words, and have him look into my eyes and lie. I know what I am coming home to--a dog and a cat. They don't smell (maybe a little bit), they don't slur when they bark/meow, and they don't lie to me. They are truly happy to see me.

HKAngel24

This post made me begin crying.
Right now I am experiencing such pain- a raw and bleeding heart. It feels like I will never love anyone again or as much.

kj21

This post really made me think about the days I could just be happy period. No anxiety. I too used to love coming home after work, making dinner together, watching a movie, falling asleep in his arms, content. Now I am afraid to fall asleep first incase he decides he needs something from the "store". His reason for going out....I take my purse to bed with me...crazy...I hope this stint in detox really helps him to clear his head enough to want a better life for himself. I am just not sure if I will ever trust him again.

INLOVEWITHCH

Last week, I finally made my first post on this site and I have gotten some of the best advice available from you all. Let me tell you something.. this thread right here nails it all right on the head. Although I had a Saturday Night Nightmare, my heart still skips a beat when my guy calls, etc. I suppose a big sign for me will be when I take a double take at my phone and question whether I should answer it or not.
Thanks to you all......
I thank God for this site.