hopalong

I was married for 20 years when I discovered that my husband was addicted to crack. I tried to be strong for him and stand by him but I just couldn't take the lies, deception and anger that caused major turmoil in our lives. It has been over a year since I left him and I just wonder if I can ever get over the deep hurt and sadness that is left in the aftermath. I have since moved to a new state, got a new job, bought a new house and have started going to church and really trying to move on with my life. I guess I just want to know why? How can someone just turn their back on their spouse and kids and give up everything that we had hoped to accomplish in our lives. And, I am so lonely...my soul mate who I thought would be with me forever is gone in so many ways. Any words of widsom?

wheretobegin

I wish I had those words...all I can say is I am thinking about you and hope that you find comfort tonight and know that I am sending a prayer up for you..hold on my friend.

bookmiser

((((Hopalong))))

I just wanted to welcome you to sr. I'm the mother of a 25 yo son. He is the reason I came here in 2005. I'm very sorry for the pain that you endured while living with an addict. We go as long as we can, then we have to get ourselves well too.
I had my son move out from my home about 6 months ago. He now lives with his dad, and they both seem content to just drink their lives away.
I just want you to know that you may feel like your alone, but your far from being alone. We're all here for ya now, and I really think that attending AA/Naranon meetings will put you on a good path for recovery of codependency. That's basically what I am, anyway. A codie.
I spent the last 6 years, (when I found out he was addicted to heroin)
trying to control and cure an addict. It cannot be done when they are not ready to quit. Which, btw, drove me totally insane. lol
Listen, I feel for ya, sweetie. I really do. I do believe though that things happen for a reason, and God has you right where you need to be, as He also has your ah (addicted husband) where he needs to be.
I pray that your ah hits rock bottom. Until then, taking care of you is very important. Being around others who have experience with loving an addict would help. Try those meetings out. Also read books by Melodie Beattie.
She's got the inside scoop on how to take care of YOU.
Keep coming back for prayers, support, and feedback.
We'll walk this road with ya and be there when you need to talk.
There's lots of great people here. Hey! I'm one of'em. lol
Your new sr. buddy,

krhea75

Sounds like you have taken some positive steps towards taking care of yourself. Posting here is just another one! I know how lonely it can be: I was divorced after 21 years of what i thought was a good marriage. My son couldn't take the stress and chose to smoke pot and take anything he could get his hands on. He was only 14 at the time. He is now almost 17, nearing the end of his fourth stay at rehab and doing well for now. With him gone and my oldest son moved out, I can get to feeling sorry for myself. It does feel like I have lost a lot. But I know that I have gained a lot too. I am my own person with my own ideas. And that feels good. i am finding me. hang in there. It takes time.
krhea

Mavis

(((Hopalong)))
I am not a pro at giving the advice you ask only because I am new to this aswell. What I do know, is everyday get's a little better if you write down goals, and letter's of what your feeling.
A good book I found very useful right now in my recovery is called "Codependant No More"
Glad you posted!

teke

welcome to sr, the addict in my life is my husband of 21yrs, we have 7 kids together and 2dogs. i understand how much it hurts to feel like your dreams have been shattered, i was a total wreck when i first came here. i think that you are really off to a good start, i was almost literally in sane when i got here. due to my husband's addiction, we have been seperated most of the on and off marriage, and it has not been no easy ride.

i remember all the loneliness, and the grieveing the lost of what i thought should have been, and it wasn't until i began to except what is, that i was more able to focus on me. it took me yrs to get where you are, so i think that you have done good for yourself. you have a plan and thats a good thing.

maybe try to take this one day at a time, never know what the outcome maybe. finally after so many seperations, and my williness to take the focus off him and completely work on me, i began to feel a lot better. my husband managed to get clean and is now 4 months clean. it been very hard for me and i got really sick. i agree with the others. you are not alone here, these loving and understanding people were my saving grace, they are teaching me how to live with or without my addict. it takes time, but you will get better, we are here for you. keep posting, the meetings help so much and try it one day at a time. keeping you and yours in my prayers.

Babs

I was married 31 years. I divorced him last fall when he went off to jail for the seventh time.

The only thing that really seems to help me is gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. I simply can not allow myself the indulgence of looking at what I no longer have because the past is gone forever. I make myself focus on what I do have. Happiness is a choice that I make daily.

Babs

dollydo

Time, and the right attitude. You seem to be doing very well, and headed in the right direction.

Make the past a guidepost, not a hitching post, forgive, and move forward, one day at a time.

Many of us have been through what you are going through, it is difficult, but, you will make it.

I welcome you, my new SR friend.

Dolly

Elana

Welcome and know you are not alone.
I was married 19 years to an alcoholic who has since passed away and almost 6 months ago had a break up with Addicted BF. I have mounrned these relationships and sometimes still do a little.

I feel lonely sometimes too, but it has mostly passed because I do what my riding instructor used to say to me, "Sit up STRAIGHT! Eyes FORWARD!!!"

Dolly said it best:

Awesome words that say it all.

hope213

first i want to welcome you to S.R. there is alot of info here.read around & read the stickys at the top of the page. make sure to read "what addicts do" there is no complete answer to why they do the things they do.sometimes we just have to step back as you did &take care care of yourself. keep coming back.hugs,hope