Please Help

Old 03-30-2007, 08:06 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Tulsa, OK
Posts: 42
I just received a call from my sons girlfriend (who is so in love with him it will take twenty years to conquer) wants to go out looking for him and rescue him..she doesn't know this disease...and she is such a sweet sad.
wheretobegin is offline  
Old 03-30-2007, 08:25 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Tulsa, OK
Posts: 42
As I sit here tonight the rain is falling hard, I want to tell myself God is somehow crying for me, for my son, for all that is lost with this disgusting life that has been consumed with drugs and alcohol. Could it be, that he too is sad, with a life that has been so wasted? Or is this my illusion with it all? Maybe I have really lost it and am seeking answers where this is none...what do you think?
wheretobegin is offline  
Old 03-30-2007, 08:52 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: by the ocean
Posts: 2
i am in the same place.

i had a thread asking how to handle the sadness....i read these posts here every day....i dont know how you stop hurting for the lost one...i have had 3 days of pain with my son... (who is also 34) he is drinking 1 to 2 bottles of vodka a day, verbal abuse to his girlfriend, and i think lost his job....i could go on and on with details about these last 3 days and the last 20 years....i have felt exactly the same as you...tonight he said that he was giving up, ready to get help...i heard this for the last two days but tonight seems different...i can only hope the universe will send its love and help to him...we will see what happens tomorrow...i guess hope is what i live in.....thinking of you very much
sugariris is offline  
Old 03-30-2007, 11:05 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Somewhere, WA
Posts: 5
Wheretobegin, I am so sorry about all that you are going through. Everything you discribe, I have felt. I to have a son with an addiction. He has been in jail and prison. He got out in Jan. and has relapsed twice. I worry about the same things you are. Sometimes things get so bad I feel I can't even breathe.

I have two books that I read, One is a devotional called Streams in the Desert. The other that has helped me and given me so much comfort is called When Mothers Pray by Cheri Fuller. They are so comforting! There was a story in the streams book that told about writing a letter and then not mailing it. Saying if you didn't let go of the letter and trust it to the postal service the mail it wouldn't get anywhere. It the same with genuine faith, we have to hand the circumstances or our child over to God or your HP allowing Him to do his work. I picture myself handing my son to God and letting go of him like mailing the letter. I find myself trying to pick the letter (MY son)up again and again. Then I talk to myself and I try very hard to hand it over to God again and again. I do this hundreds of times a day. I love the other book too. There are so many things she writes about in the book that give me peace, which is almost impossible for me. It is all about praying for our children. I carry those books with me everywhere, and when I need help I read them!

I am very good at worring. I am not good at letting go either. I feel crazy most of the time too. I am trying to stop. It has effected my health. We need to keep trying to trust our sons to someone way more powerful than us! I know this is so hard to do! I hope someday I will become as strong as some of the people here. I will be praying for you and your son! Take care!
jsjam is offline  
Old 03-31-2007, 12:10 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
On a tear
BigSis's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Oh sweetie... I have SO been there. I got so low, so down that I made a decision and started to formulate a plan. I was getting off the planet. I was done.

I do NOT know what made me stop in a parking lot and pull that newcomer phone list out of my purse. I do NOT know how I chose the name I did from the list. I am not SURE of what all that woman on the other end said to me...but by the time she was done, I was writing out a long (long, long) detailed list of all my fears for my addicted daughter. It took me several minutes to write.

Then I threw it away... and let God deal with the list.

I could not believe the relief. I felt a physical lightness I had not had before. I do believe, for me, that was a spiritual awakening. I got something direct and identifiable from the Alanon program.

After that, I was able to not just go to meetings and cry... but to go to meetings with an open mind and a willingness to learn how the PROGRAM actually worked.

It helped me. It saved me. But I wasn't ready until I was ready.

Babs on this forum has said, "We didn't let go until we reached the end of our rope." For me, that was true.

So when I read your posts, I hear you reaching the end of your rope, and I pray that this can be your time to surrender, to give it up, to Let Go ... of the worry, of the fear, of the need to know, of the 'what if'... and Let God take over the worries for you.

The first 3 steps of the program are simple...

I can't. He can. Let Him.

BigSis is offline  
Old 03-31-2007, 06:04 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
hope213's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
another day & i am wondering how you are.hugs,hope
hope213 is offline  
Old 03-31-2007, 06:25 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
pjbs55's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
I don't think we met before so welcome to SR. I am a mother of a addict. Your feelings sound so much like mine when I first started. As a mom we want to protect our children no matter what their age is. You can not stop him from using, he has to stop himself.
Someone told me the 3 c's when I first started here;
1. You didn't Cause it
2. You can't Control it
Only time can help you with your pain. Please seek some professional help, and try to attend meetings. I found a great home group, and go every week, if I miss a week I don't feel right during the week. I also went to some NA meetings, when I couldn't get to a Nar-Anon meeting. At NA you hear the addicts story, and they welcomed me, knowing I was in need of support. They asked me questions on how their use effected me. They want to know as much as we do, WHY!!! why we feel the way we do, why we don't trust them etc. It was a great learning experience for me.
Come here and post as much as you need to, get support from any place you can.
I will keep you in my prayers
pjbs55 is offline  
Old 03-31-2007, 06:55 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
grateful rca
teke's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
how are you today? hope you feel a little better. every now and again, i would buy a helium balloon,

write my childrens names all over it,
then say a prayer over it asking god, to protect them and guide them, and tell him that i was given them to him,
i'd release the baloon with the kids name on it in the air
a watch it until it gets out of sight.

as my kid's balloon disappeared, i know in my heart, than god see my kids balloon and is waiting to recieve them and i'd know that once the balloon is gone completely out of sight, that god had recieve them and now has them covered and will take care of them. then i'd rest know that god had them.

in the hard times, i would remind myself that i had given them to god and he has them and know how to keep them and guide them to the better place that he wants them to be. when i began to worry, i believe that means to me that i'm not trusting god to take care of them, that i think maybe i can do a better job or something just because i cant see evidence of him at work in their lives. at those time i have to have a little talk with me,again and again at times, letting me know that even though i can see it, that i've given them to god, and that i can not take them back, and i wouldn't know what to do with them if i did. so why not leave them where they are.

this is just a mental exercise for me, i also have done this with my ah/

i believe that when we pray, god hears, and goes to work on getting prayers answered.times he do it automatically and sometimes he leads and guide through some rough places but there is always an ending destination. so if i can focus on the fact that my hp know the route that it will take to get me to the better place, it is somewhat easier to sit back and try to enjoy the ride.

i am a recoveryaddict,too, from my personal experience with my own addiction, i'd have to say that your son's addiction, has nothing to do with you. he made bad choices and he know in his heart that it was his decision to use in the first place. not your fault. sure he may have struggled a little due to your own addiction, but in my opinion, he knew what it was like to be addicted first hand and still chose to take that route.

my dad was alcoholic, but it was not his fault that i chose to do drugs, that was my choice. blameing him would just me my excuse to keep doing something that i wanted to do anyway, without have to look at me being the one who made a bad decision for my own life. my kids have struggled too, because of my addiction, i did the best i could but i couldn't do better until i knew how to do better, and when i did figure that out, i did do better. i forgave myself, and learn how to move on from there.

sometimes it does seem like god looks the other way, but maybe that's because we are not having life like we think it should be, the way we want, but all of the time we don't know whats best for us, god see's around corners and we don't, he knows what lies ahead and we don't. i think sometimes we many end up in bad spaces, and it end up being for a greater good.

ok, i'll stop now, i think i'm rambling. sorry still praying for you and your son.
teke is offline  
Old 03-31-2007, 08:27 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
I am praying that today is better for you. My 20 yr old daughter is the addict in my life and it was sooooooo hard to finally give her to God. As others before me said, I had to hit "my bottom" before I could release her to Him. This was really hard to do as I wanted to have some control over her. Funny, when I finally turned her over to Him, I was at peace. The way I did it was vision her wrapped up in her favorite blanket, all nice and warm and I handed her over to God. He took her from me, after I finally let go of the corner of the blanket, and I knew she was in better hands. Trust your HP. He couldn't totally work on my daughter until I let go of her. I know that He will work on you son also. What we need to do is focus on ourselves and get beter. I pray that today is a better day for you.
Post and let us know how you are. We care and many of us have been exactly where you are today.
I know that this breaks your heart; my daughter has broken mine many times.
BIG HUGS to you!
havehope is offline  
Old 03-31-2007, 01:50 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Jujubee Queen
mooselips's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Hugs to you, I know how hard it is to le go and hand it all over to God.
I have 2 addict sons, and believe me when I say, I have been where you are now.
It was affecting my head, my heart, and I was on the verge of literally going crazy. First off, I found Sober Recovery, 2nd, I visited my doctor and got a prescription for the BAB BAD nights, and 3rd, I started going to as many meetings as I possibly could, and I started praying for my sons H.P. to lead them in the direction he had planned for them.

The bottom line is hopefully he will get picked up and go to jail. Heaven knows it seems to have helped both of my sons. AND when they are using, when they're in jail, I can finally get some rest! Jail is a good thing.

I'm happy to say after dealing with both of their addictions for 16 years, both are sober for today.

Hugs to you,
mooselips is offline  
Old 03-31-2007, 06:17 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: sydney australia
Posts: 8
wheretobegin - I do feel for you as a addict myself I think I would go to him tell him he's on his own you have done everything you can and to come to you when hes ready to appreciate the support and nuture that you will always have for him.

- then book yourself on a 6month cruise!!!! - maybe we could all come with you!! lol Hang in there we are thinking of yu.
kaysyb is offline  
Old 03-31-2007, 09:21 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Get Caught Reading
bookmiser's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410

I am so sorry, sweetie. So very sorry. I do know your pain. I've been there before. When I first started looking online and found soberrecovery, I was at the point where I was imagining killing my son, then killing myself. I wanted to end his pain and suffering, but I could never live without him.
After being here since oct. 2005, I have taken great strides in changing that way of thinking.
I still cry because he is still active, but I no longer deal with the drama and chaos like before. I have learned detaching and letting go.
Prayers and support to you, sweetie. Try to stay strong and trust that his HP is taking care of him and putting him exactly where he needs to be.
Praying for rock bottom too.
Your in my thoughts and prayers tonight,
bookmiser is offline  
Old 03-31-2007, 09:28 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
I'm HOME!!!!!
notsleepingwell's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
Just wanted to say...Welcome to SR!!!!

The mom of another addict here. My darling 29 year old daughter, the joy of my life is a junkie. She hurt her back at work a few years ago, (she was a nurse), was started on pain meds, and now is a homeless, junkie who prostitutes to get her next fix. I am currently raising her 12 year old son.

I just delivered my daughter to jail yesterday, and am heartbroken, devastated, are there enuf words to describe the pain?? But thanks to the angels on this site, I'm making steps....

Lots of good reading to do....Co-dependent no melodie Beatty.....very helpful...(couldn't remember if someone else mentioned it?)

Welcome, we are all friends here, walking side by side, sometimes holding someone up....sometimes being held up!!
notsleepingwell is offline  
Old 03-31-2007, 10:02 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
honeycs's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: grove, OK
Posts: 21
My prayers are with you.
to care for another you must begin with you, first
take a day for your worries.....mine always seem to be there the next day.....with a rested clearer view!!!
honeycs is offline  
Old 04-01-2007, 12:16 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: bangor,me
Posts: 17
I feel you and competley no where you are comming from. Please do not give up ever. You are the only person that has control of you and have the options to become what ever you want.

If you would like information about a new drug that helps with addiction please view here.
It saved My Life
archer1012 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:53 AM.