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Update on older man and question...

Old 03-30-2007, 07:51 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Trying,
I agree with "go for it girl"!! How about a little flirting and "why don't you give me a call some time"...I've found it's a different world out there. If you aren't a little aggressive, the feeling seems to be they feel you aren't interested and back off.
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Susie
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Old 03-30-2007, 07:52 PM
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LOL..
Let me tell a little story (I am so old it is all I have anymore.. )

I was going to college. First year. I lived at home and put myself thru working on this horse farm. Well, things got late and I used to spend a lot of time on my hair and trying to get that "right" before driving to skool...

so, on this day I just splashed water on my face, groaned at my wrecked hair and got in the car and went blasting off....

got to skool and ALL day I got compliments on how nice my hair looked. Man.. I could not believe it.

After that day, I decided that all that time was wasted fussing on my hair.. better to just deal with it.. and go because the fussing got me NOTHING but wasted time. I figured out that NO ONE noticed the fussing! NO ONE.

I just relaxed after that. I think I figured no one was payint attention.. and I started to do things and say things and STOPPED SWEATING IT. I learned that the very most awful thing that would happen is I would get embarassed and then.. the ONLY one who would remember it next time was ME.

I asked people out. I got turned down. I got accepted. I did not care one way or t'other. I was embarassed. I embarassed myself. I got over it.

No one died! My it was a revelation that I wasn't going to DIE if I did or said something stupid!!! and I LEARNED a lot more.. and I learned how to handle myself.

I am still uptight when I have to dress real nice and that makes me uncomfortable.. but I go blasting ahead anyhow. If I am feeling unconfident I tell myself I AM confident and I can ACT confident. It works.

The point of this is there is NOTHING WE CANNOT DO IF WE DECIDE FIRST WE CAN DO IT.
That attitude in my career has made me a success in almost everything I have tried.

So.. ask the guy out. Trust me on this.. no one will die (tho it can feel like you might!) and regardless of the outcome you will learn something about yourself.

BTW I am old as dirt so when I embarass myself now people just say, "Tsk Tsk.. the poor dear.. she is just starting to lose it...." :ROFLMAO:
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Old 03-30-2007, 07:59 PM
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PS: You are 25 and he is an ancient, old 35.. man.. about ready for the grave.. I hope you bring a cane and a wheel chair for him...

... or better yet, send him up here to NY to me.....
I mean heck..... it would be in the interest of his HEALTH after all...
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Old 03-30-2007, 09:41 PM
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Marle.. That's "slow and steady" wins the race! lol
Anyway.. good feeling's are great. Do what feels right for you girl! Good luck!
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Old 03-30-2007, 09:45 PM
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Elana - you know what? You (once again) took the words right off the page for me...

I went to a meeting tonight, and only my sponsor was there. We haven't really had a time to talk, so it was awesome. She was trying to get me into the third step - which I am really working but not quite "there" yet on. She told me to go home, read the third step over and over again from the Big Book, and try to actually sit down (hard for me) and just think (also hard for me) and try to figure out places where God's working in my life.

I think I already know that the "tingly" feelings are here for a reason - not even so much to do with this particular man, but just showing me that I am able to feel that way again... yes, it may seem a little "quick" for me, but as a lot of you know, if it is over with an active addict... it's really already been over for a long time. The breaking up part was just a formality. It has been in the grave since before he got arrested, which was 6months ago, almost 7.

I feel alive again. Not just with this guy - I've been feeling it for awhile now. The fact that Spring is here is just icing on the cake. Watching new things grow... whether it is an animal, or a flower, or even my own feelings... such renewal. There were so many times when I didn't think I could feel that way.

This man also happens to be at that point in his life - he is starting over after a divorce, and from our limited contact he seems to be very upbeat and positive about life - and you know what? If we could be friends and kinda "share" that for awhile, that would be pretty awesome. A new friend with a new outlook on life, that would be great.

If I take it there and he declines - yes, I will learn something too. And I know I'm not going to let the lesson fall away even in that event.

I think my answer is always where it really is - to try and give up the results, the consequences, to my HP, and then to do what feels right and see what happens.

These feelings I am having - very unexpected and refreshing. I am usually the girl who doesn't really like anyone, and then the guy likes me, and he "wears me down" into dating him... I have never actively expressed my interest and seen what happens.

I think that I am going to have to step out there in many ways in my recovery. I thought it would be so hard to talk to my sponsor - not at ALL! I thought it would be so hard to break it off with ex-ABF - not at ALL! Because I was doing what felt right by getting a sponsor and by ending the relationship.

You know what? I'm going to pray and think about it - but it feels so right to at least let this guy know that I would be interested in getting to know him. I am so glad that I can recognize and respect my own feelings today.
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Old 03-30-2007, 09:46 PM
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Mavis - SO weird that you said that. Your post came up AFTER I typed my response.

Hmmm...
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Old 03-31-2007, 04:56 AM
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Just remember, if you scare him away and he starts to run.. point him this way, "NY is right over there.. that ought to be far enough!"

After he spends time with me he will come FLYING back to Texas....

A 35 year old? Can he install windows? How is he with a pick ax? Can he pound fence posts for my dog yard? No slackards here....

OK.. I am teasing you.. but it is important to forge ahead on things like this with an attitude of FUN. Committment is for lots later.
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Old 03-31-2007, 10:04 AM
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Elana... he's a cowboy, so I bet he could do lots of those things... I'll keep you in mind.
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Old 03-31-2007, 10:31 AM
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Woo hoo! He don't know it but he is in for the ride of HIS life....

(never a horse that conldn't be rode, never a cowboy that couldn't be throwed).
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Old 03-31-2007, 03:11 PM
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Yes, and a real cowboy at that. Lots of guys in Texas proclaim to be cowboys, but this guy is an actual cowboy (i.e., makes money, not spends it, going to rodeos)... and to top that off, also has a day job - running his own business.

NOW do you see why I'm smitten? A real-life cowboy on the market... that won't last long.

Yes, Elana... he probably has no idea what he is in for, if he chooses... I have a lot of pent-up sexiness that completely hit the wayside after ex-ABF's endless problems came to light...

Wait, wait, slow and steady wins the race... ah, man.
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Old 03-31-2007, 04:57 PM
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Slow and Steady Wins the Race? Well, taht may be wisdom and experience speaking, but I gotta tell ya.. in about 5 weeks they are going to run the Kentucky Derby and Slow and Staedy is going to come in at the middle of the pack.. out of the money.

Now come on.. you ARE a Thoroughbred. You KNOW it. Go for the roses!

Or is this guy a BULL RIDER.. (sorry.. lol couldn't resist)..
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Old 03-31-2007, 09:31 PM
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Elana - header. In control - just what I need!

I love the reference to the Kentucky Derby, by the way... I'm not sure that I'm convinced that I'm a thoroughbred just yet... but if I walk like one and act like one, I might just start to believe what others say...

And this time, I want the money. Figuratively.
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Old 04-01-2007, 05:55 AM
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I sold a Quarterhorse a few years back who was used in Barrel Racing and then got switched to heading and heeling. She became a good heeling horse (Pat's Twin Maple by Pat's Jim Bob AAA). She was a little large for barrels at 15.3 hands, but she was great at heeling. Could take the yank. Its not hard and fast anyhow (like calf roping.. those guys are nutz!).

I never did any roping (dairy cows are pretty tame). Used the horse to push them around and to sort of cut a group out etc.

Did a LOT of dressage training which I later applied to western training. You best like Horses and Cattle, Trying!

And you are a Thoroughbred and NEVER forget it. Hold your head up and show some spirit and some opinion. Every Thoroughbred worth his/her salt does. I worked with a lot of good Thoroughbreds and the winners were not always the best horses (conformation), but they all had the best attitude about themselves.

Meanwhile, I am off to get some Catkins (***** willow) to dry and then off to church. You have a fine day and if nuthin' else, enjoy the view.
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