HKAngel24

Hoping for everyone to give the "signs" that are dead giveaways that their loved one is using.

I guess I'm trying to confirm my fears (I always distrust my instincts) that my abf is indeed still using...

* Slurring -- there is no need for a 25 year old man to be slurring at 7:30AM
on his way to work.

*Entire tone of voice changes

* Indifference

*Erratic mood- nasty and irritable one minute, kind later that day

*Tells me "run around" stories, meaning if I ask the SAME question multiple times he will have a different answer each time. Also tells me things that do not make sense (i.e. Dr. appointment from 5-9 on a Fri night, etc.)



(These are all signs I interpret from speaking. We do not see each other as often now as I have been trying to stop pushing him into recovery- if he wants it, he wants it)

cinderellawkids

Sadly using or not those are also signs of a dry addict.

Blackrose2756

Have to agree with Cinderella on this one. All those things come from both using or "white knuckle" sobriety. I guess at this point, why do we even care if they are really "using" or not. In the last couple years before I threw my ex out, he told me so many stories & seemed so indignant that I didn't trust him, that I started to believe I was the ONE who was CRAZY. But, later found out, he was indeed using. And even if he wasn't, a dry addict without a program is mean, miserable & nasty. And basically, I've never seen it get much better. My ex father-in-law quit drinking 10 years before he died. And he was the most miserable, unhappy, nasty man I had ever known. Almost wanted him to go get drunk again.

HKAngel24

Thank you both for your responses.
What do you mean by "white knuckle sobriety". I am extremely new to all of this so all of this information is incredibly helpful.
Is it possible that the slurring is not in fact from him "Actively using" ?

He has a habit of making me feel like I'm the insane one and I am beginning to think I am. I am aware of deeply unhealthy this is and want to stand by him if I think there is a change HE can go through with his own recovery. If he is STILL lying to me and not taking responsibility than I just want to be done.

daisylady

My motto is if you think something is up, and you have a gut feeling that something is up, it probably is. My AH has classic signs and they are always the same.

Lots of Love and prayers,
Tiffany

dollydo

I've learned to trust one thing, my gut, never lies to me.

marle

I agree with the others, trust your gut on this one. I have always found that if something does not look or sound right then it isn't. Think about other times in your life (not just with your addict) when something smelled fishy to you. What did you do about it at that time. Did you find out later that you were right. Trust yourself. Hugs, Marle

teke

i agree with the others too. i also think in time, you'll know whether or not he's using, addiction will tell on itself in time, but in the meantime, i think that it is important for you to focus more on you and what you want out of life, just because its what you want for you.

i got sick trying to figure out whether my rah was using or not, did too much investigative work and still couldn't really prove anything on my own and if i found proof, he still would deny it even if smacked him in the face with it.i decided that i didn't have to know until it was time to know, in the meantime, i did all i could do to work on me, so that i could be prepared and so that i would have a plan when i did find out. keeping you and yours in my prayers.

Magpie

My gut would always tell me when something wasn't "right"
My RAH would also lie to my face when confronted -- even if I had evidence. It was always hard for me to tell when he was using -- he never got the "high" like in the movies or what you would "think" a drug user would act like. He just acted mostly normal which made it even harder to me.

caughtinthemid

When my RAH was in rehab, I went to family counseling sessions. They told us to trust our gut. When something doesn't feel right, it most likely isn't. They also told us to do the exact opposite of what we used to do before. I don't know how helpful that is, but it was helpful to me. I was the Queen of Denial while my son was using.