I have an OT dilemma and need to vent…
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: somewhere in MA
Posts: 54
I have an OT dilemma and need to vent…
Give me strength people...
After spending some (unpleasant) time in a DV shelter My Daughter and I have relocated. We are staying with friends of ours as I re-establish my life.
My Daughter is about to turn two, and although she is remarkably calm and well mannered, she has entered that stage where she will (sometimes) scream her little head off if she doesn’t get her way. Usually, I have many creative strategies for letting her do, a part of, what she wanted, offering a better choice ect…sometime however nothing works…
Yesterday morning I came from the bathroom to find she had taken a stick of butter from the fridge. No creative strategies about helping use, or put the butter away worked and I had to just take it and put it back. She threw a fit for a minute or two, and then settled into a bowl of cheerios…
Well around 8:30 am. I ran across the st. to the store,( my friends were with my girl.), When I returned to the apartment a few moments later, I found… the POLICE at my door!
My friends husband had been shaving, getting ready for work, and there he was, face covered in shaving cream, talking to the cops! I had NO idea what was going on! They said they were waiting for ME!
According to the cops, someone inside our apartment building, called in a report that ,they heard a loud fight between adults, and my daughter screaming and crying!!
NOT one of the adults, in our apt, had so much as raised their voice all morning, we all in a great mood, talking quietly, joking and laughing… The only thing I can think of was the “butter” thing…
When my Daughter and I were in shelter, the staff had nothing but praise for my parenting, and they saw how we lived round the clock, on a daily basis…
But now, after this incident, I find myself giving in to her rather than have her yell, (not always, but if she reaches a certain decibel (lol!), I panic and give her, her way, because I am afraid of neighbors now!
We live in a huge complex, and the only laundry room is pretty much attached to OUR apt, so I have no idea, who called the cops. I have no desire to go out and play "meets the neighbors", just to show them that I am a good mom. I’m tired, I have a lot of work to do, but I am just so darn sick of being AFRAID!
No wonder people don’t want, to know their neighbors anymore! Sheeze!
Tough day for,
JSM
Thanks for listening.
After spending some (unpleasant) time in a DV shelter My Daughter and I have relocated. We are staying with friends of ours as I re-establish my life.
My Daughter is about to turn two, and although she is remarkably calm and well mannered, she has entered that stage where she will (sometimes) scream her little head off if she doesn’t get her way. Usually, I have many creative strategies for letting her do, a part of, what she wanted, offering a better choice ect…sometime however nothing works…
Yesterday morning I came from the bathroom to find she had taken a stick of butter from the fridge. No creative strategies about helping use, or put the butter away worked and I had to just take it and put it back. She threw a fit for a minute or two, and then settled into a bowl of cheerios…
Well around 8:30 am. I ran across the st. to the store,( my friends were with my girl.), When I returned to the apartment a few moments later, I found… the POLICE at my door!
My friends husband had been shaving, getting ready for work, and there he was, face covered in shaving cream, talking to the cops! I had NO idea what was going on! They said they were waiting for ME!
According to the cops, someone inside our apartment building, called in a report that ,they heard a loud fight between adults, and my daughter screaming and crying!!
NOT one of the adults, in our apt, had so much as raised their voice all morning, we all in a great mood, talking quietly, joking and laughing… The only thing I can think of was the “butter” thing…
When my Daughter and I were in shelter, the staff had nothing but praise for my parenting, and they saw how we lived round the clock, on a daily basis…
But now, after this incident, I find myself giving in to her rather than have her yell, (not always, but if she reaches a certain decibel (lol!), I panic and give her, her way, because I am afraid of neighbors now!
We live in a huge complex, and the only laundry room is pretty much attached to OUR apt, so I have no idea, who called the cops. I have no desire to go out and play "meets the neighbors", just to show them that I am a good mom. I’m tired, I have a lot of work to do, but I am just so darn sick of being AFRAID!
No wonder people don’t want, to know their neighbors anymore! Sheeze!
Tough day for,
JSM
Thanks for listening.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
boy oh boy some people really have no life so they figure they'll make one or ruin someone elses.
well go ahead spoil the little darling if ya want but don't let someone elses issues make you feel that way. I'm sure the police realized the call was from a creep.
life happens while we're busy making plans (john lennon said that, I'm not that smart lol)
well go ahead spoil the little darling if ya want but don't let someone elses issues make you feel that way. I'm sure the police realized the call was from a creep.
life happens while we're busy making plans (john lennon said that, I'm not that smart lol)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewher
Posts: 259
im sorry iknow its not easy
2 years old can drive u nuts sometimes..
they are smart..
one time iwas with my kids at the mall..my son wantedme to buyhim gum,, isadi no,, and oh my GOd he started screaming so much,,allthe peopel inthemall came everyone thought something had happend,, when he saw that all the peolel came he even scremed more... liked the atteintion lol lol
first i was alitle worid there was atleats 20 peopel around me,, l;olall were asking me if everything is ok,, than ididnt even want to explain iwas like were ok , thats it but one lady wa so nasty,,she hearde that he was crying for gum and went andgot itfor him andgave ittohim,, i just took the gum fromhis hands ,, and he was screaming somucha t that time and threwit infront of her face in the garbage,,..
after this my son who was around 2 realized he cant control me with screaming..
i will do this,, if u have nasty neighbours,, be carefull fromthem some people are just crazy,, and u certianlly dontw ant anymore problems..
but your 2 year old has to learn thats he cant controll u with screaminga nd it will not help her,. so if u see shes screaming so much,, put her some rulles.
what i do with my kids,is like this,,
if they dont listen i take them to timeout they have to saty in the room ,,
ifthis doesnt help i take some toys away,, if they complaina nd cry about me taking their toy away i tell them if youre not quet illhave tptake another toy,, but when i say it imean it,, i really take the toys away.. this way they know im serious,,,
so put her some rules,, kids have toknow who is the one who put srules at home they or u..
i know its eay totalk,, id di give in manytimes for my kids,,but ilearned that everytime i give in,, the next time its harder with them.,,
and 2 its also and age when they finally know they have their personalitty,, can do stuff by themself.. ,, explore the world around them.,,
so its s stagethey go through,,. they say the terriblle 2s lol..
hugs to you and stay strong !!!
youre doing a good job and nothing will bring y ou down!!!!
GOd bless u
2 years old can drive u nuts sometimes..
they are smart..
one time iwas with my kids at the mall..my son wantedme to buyhim gum,, isadi no,, and oh my GOd he started screaming so much,,allthe peopel inthemall came everyone thought something had happend,, when he saw that all the peolel came he even scremed more... liked the atteintion lol lol
first i was alitle worid there was atleats 20 peopel around me,, l;olall were asking me if everything is ok,, than ididnt even want to explain iwas like were ok , thats it but one lady wa so nasty,,she hearde that he was crying for gum and went andgot itfor him andgave ittohim,, i just took the gum fromhis hands ,, and he was screaming somucha t that time and threwit infront of her face in the garbage,,..
after this my son who was around 2 realized he cant control me with screaming..
i will do this,, if u have nasty neighbours,, be carefull fromthem some people are just crazy,, and u certianlly dontw ant anymore problems..
but your 2 year old has to learn thats he cant controll u with screaminga nd it will not help her,. so if u see shes screaming so much,, put her some rulles.
what i do with my kids,is like this,,
if they dont listen i take them to timeout they have to saty in the room ,,
ifthis doesnt help i take some toys away,, if they complaina nd cry about me taking their toy away i tell them if youre not quet illhave tptake another toy,, but when i say it imean it,, i really take the toys away.. this way they know im serious,,,
so put her some rules,, kids have toknow who is the one who put srules at home they or u..
i know its eay totalk,, id di give in manytimes for my kids,,but ilearned that everytime i give in,, the next time its harder with them.,,
and 2 its also and age when they finally know they have their personalitty,, can do stuff by themself.. ,, explore the world around them.,,
so its s stagethey go through,,. they say the terriblle 2s lol..
hugs to you and stay strong !!!
youre doing a good job and nothing will bring y ou down!!!!
GOd bless u
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: somewhere in MA
Posts: 54
Thanks Hope
We live in a strange worldThe loss of your children due to someones mistaken impression, is a very REAL threat.
This is why so many parents are frightened into paralysis, when trying to cope with misbehavior.
Your Damned If You Do, Damned If You DontI never was one, to back down under pressure. This is why this whole thing bothers me so much
Having DV in your background, IS a strike against you, if you are ever evaluated for fitness. I do, in fact, NEED to be VERY careful. That whats so infuriating to me!
I would LOVE to be able to just raise my Daughter, in the way I know is right for her, but it's hard when there are so many "helpful" people looking over your shoulder, making sure THEY "approve" of your parenting.!
We live in a strange worldThe loss of your children due to someones mistaken impression, is a very REAL threat.
This is why so many parents are frightened into paralysis, when trying to cope with misbehavior.
Your Damned If You Do, Damned If You DontI never was one, to back down under pressure. This is why this whole thing bothers me so much
Having DV in your background, IS a strike against you, if you are ever evaluated for fitness. I do, in fact, NEED to be VERY careful. That whats so infuriating to me!
I would LOVE to be able to just raise my Daughter, in the way I know is right for her, but it's hard when there are so many "helpful" people looking over your shoulder, making sure THEY "approve" of your parenting.!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewher
Posts: 259
lets say life is not a picnic...
but u do what is goodfor u ,, u dont have to lose ur kid to society,
i dont know times change when i wa s akid i couldnt even talk back i would get in bigtrouble lol...
now kids have tomuch powre over parents,, thats why there is lots of problems in the world...
but i try to teach my kids to have rescept to themselfs and us and everyone around them..
my kids have so much ,, what i never had,,
and im happyfot that,, but i always teach them that they cant have it all...
u know,, i think its agood idea if to practise some rulles.. somethiing like boundry that u know u can stick too,, uknow now kids are small,, so its small problems.. when they grow it bigger problems...
so better start now..
hugstoyou and be happy and proud of your parenting and just dont care what others think,, u know what is good foru,.
but u do what is goodfor u ,, u dont have to lose ur kid to society,
i dont know times change when i wa s akid i couldnt even talk back i would get in bigtrouble lol...
now kids have tomuch powre over parents,, thats why there is lots of problems in the world...
but i try to teach my kids to have rescept to themselfs and us and everyone around them..
my kids have so much ,, what i never had,,
and im happyfot that,, but i always teach them that they cant have it all...
u know,, i think its agood idea if to practise some rulles.. somethiing like boundry that u know u can stick too,, uknow now kids are small,, so its small problems.. when they grow it bigger problems...
so better start now..
hugstoyou and be happy and proud of your parenting and just dont care what others think,, u know what is good foru,.
Just plainly tired
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
joesentme,
I believe you should continue raising your child as you were doing before. A two year old getting away with everything will be a HUGE problem later on. Is it possible they sent the cops to the wrong apartment? You did say the complex is large maybe the cops went to the wrong place. Do whats the best for you.
hugs,
Jewel
I believe you should continue raising your child as you were doing before. A two year old getting away with everything will be a HUGE problem later on. Is it possible they sent the cops to the wrong apartment? You did say the complex is large maybe the cops went to the wrong place. Do whats the best for you.
hugs,
Jewel
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
I agree with Jewelz. You have to raise her as needed.
When my oldest was 2 he was awful. We were in a restaurant that I swear I got up 20 times to take him out. the last time after raising my voice a bit and giving him a firm talking too. I gave him a quick spank. As I turned around their was a police officer I panicked as he walked up to me, but you know what "He came over to commend me at being consistent." He had watched me come in and out over and over and he said "More parents should eb so consistent."
Continue parenting the way you have been 2 and 3 year olds are the worst at pushing our buttons
When my oldest was 2 he was awful. We were in a restaurant that I swear I got up 20 times to take him out. the last time after raising my voice a bit and giving him a firm talking too. I gave him a quick spank. As I turned around their was a police officer I panicked as he walked up to me, but you know what "He came over to commend me at being consistent." He had watched me come in and out over and over and he said "More parents should eb so consistent."
Continue parenting the way you have been 2 and 3 year olds are the worst at pushing our buttons
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: somewhere in MA
Posts: 54
thanks Jewelz...
We tried that one. There was no mistake about the apartment. It is a big complex, but a wealthier one. Not to many little families just starting out could afford to live here, thus, my daughter is the only really little one.
Few children here at all actually...I haven't seen any, playing out side and such. I've only seen one other child at all, in the three months I've been here. A girl, around seven or eight, going upstairs.
Thanks for your thoughts,
JSM
We tried that one. There was no mistake about the apartment. It is a big complex, but a wealthier one. Not to many little families just starting out could afford to live here, thus, my daughter is the only really little one.
Few children here at all actually...I haven't seen any, playing out side and such. I've only seen one other child at all, in the three months I've been here. A girl, around seven or eight, going upstairs.
Thanks for your thoughts,
JSM
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Joesentme,
Grrrr...people butting into someone raising their child correctly burn my butt.
Perhaps...and I know you're struggling right now, but maybe some sort of preschool is the answer. Letting her be with others, and having examples of other children beside her?
Or, giving yourself some space...after being in a shelter, I would guess it takes some time to get over the trauma.
Otherwise, I wouldn't back off, maybe a time out, and let her scream her head off, otherwise I think her behavior might escalate.
Just my thoughts, heaven knows I'm not a child behaviorlist, or anything...LOL
Grrrr...people butting into someone raising their child correctly burn my butt.
Perhaps...and I know you're struggling right now, but maybe some sort of preschool is the answer. Letting her be with others, and having examples of other children beside her?
Or, giving yourself some space...after being in a shelter, I would guess it takes some time to get over the trauma.
Otherwise, I wouldn't back off, maybe a time out, and let her scream her head off, otherwise I think her behavior might escalate.
Just my thoughts, heaven knows I'm not a child behaviorlist, or anything...LOL
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
sorry that i came in late here, just want to show my support and send hugs, you are so right, it is so hard to raise children these days seems like it, but i believe that sometimes you just have to find a way to do the best you know how, and let the chips fall where they may. try to turn it all over to your hp, and continue to raise your child, you know what is best for her and not the neighbors who sounds like strangers anyway. keeping you and yours in my prayers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: somewhere in MA
Posts: 54
Thanks everyone,
You all rock!
Thanks Teke...better late than never, lol!
Mooselips, I came to exactly that decision, about finding a pre-school, or some other suitable social outlet for her, and one for me too, Alanon maybe...
I don't know, but I am looking into it. I just got some much needed dental work done, and have set Dr, appointments for her, (two yr, physical), and myself, so I am catching my second wind, but I am more confident than I was when I first left my ex, several months ago...
Thanks for all your support, I love having you all here so much!
God Bless,
JSM
You all rock!
Thanks Teke...better late than never, lol!
Mooselips, I came to exactly that decision, about finding a pre-school, or some other suitable social outlet for her, and one for me too, Alanon maybe...
I don't know, but I am looking into it. I just got some much needed dental work done, and have set Dr, appointments for her, (two yr, physical), and myself, so I am catching my second wind, but I am more confident than I was when I first left my ex, several months ago...
Thanks for all your support, I love having you all here so much!
God Bless,
JSM
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
No suggestions, just hugs. I'm glad you got the opportunity to vent and grateful that nothing more happened than an unpleasant visit from the cops. That age is so tough...I could almost hear her dissatisfied scream reading your post. Good for you that you haven't let her get away with having what she wants because she can scream louder...I hope you can soon feel comfortable again with handling the situations as you deem appropriate. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
President
Join Date: May 2006
Location: on our next big adventure!
Posts: 1,253
What worked with my son and all the children I've ever worked with is....
Look them in the eye and firmly but quietly give them a quick message like, "Stop" or "No" or "Stop crying." Never in a yelling voice.
It's always worked for me.
Look them in the eye and firmly but quietly give them a quick message like, "Stop" or "No" or "Stop crying." Never in a yelling voice.
It's always worked for me.
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