booklover

Over the past week, that recently, I have actually begun detaching. It has been an amazing feeling, with relapses along the way already...last night, I started in on questions and obsessing but then today I was okay again. Tonight, he let me in his studio and had an unopened beer on the table. I saw it, he saw me see it and I said nothing. As if it were a test, he reached down and opened the beer and began drinking in. I did not respond. I said what I had come to say and left. It was more than I thought I would have to see. I don't know how it made me feel yet. He seemed so at ease, just having a beer...now the studio door is locked and it makes think, wow, why lock it now? Oh, because maybe he is doing something worse. I am sure he is. I am not naive to think he would drink and not go back to meth. I am not falling apart or freaking out somehow...I am just thinking to myself...wow, I have waited around unsure of whether I should go or not since he has been trying and going to meetings. I thought, if you aren't sure, don't do anything yet. Is the sign I was waiting on? Has anyone experienced this blatant substance abuse? I suppose I have been saying, I don't want you to lie or hide it from me. I guess I'd rather not be tricked.

teke

glad to see that you are getting a little better, it gets even better as you continue to focus on you and what you want out of your life. maybe its time to ask yourself a few questions about what you want out of all of this, for your life.

i've stayed with my rah at times, and at other times, it got too unbarable to stay with him and had to seperate. when i would see my rah just drinking a beer, i would always expect for him to do more soon. drug switching usually leads back to the drug of choice and addiction does get much worse as time goes on. sorry but in my opinion, i think that this is a sign that your addict may not be ready yet and its left up to you to decide what your plans are about how you are gonna live.keeping you and yours in my prayers

hope213

it seems as if he is not ready.take care of you & keep the focus on you.there is nothing u can do to stop him.stay strong,set your boundries with him & with yourself.prayers, hope

BigSis

As much as I have also said, "don't lie or hide"... what I have learned is I am probably happier not knowing. You know, denial was a pleasant place to be ... for a while.

But once I knew, I realized that I can't have active alcoholism/addiction around me. I fight it tooth and nail and make life unpleasant for everyone, including me. I think a sign of my growth in recovery was when I realized that I could say that... I can't have it around me.

Making that decision put ME above the booze and drugs and told me that MY life is more important. Even more important than my kids.

That was an important lesson for me. And falls into that "airplane safety" thing - be sure to put on YOUR oxygen mask first, THEN reach out and help those around you.

notsleepingwell

Just hugs to you!!!!!

parentrecovers

hello booklover,

let go and let god. you can't control it. i'm sorry you're going through this, i understand how painful it is. blessings, k