Thanks SR...think I am taking baby steps (finally!)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
Thanks SR...think I am taking baby steps (finally!)
I think I have finally begun to "get it". For those who don't know me:
Found out last year my 20 yr daughter had been doing cocaine for ~5 years. She was in college at the time; checked out with a medical leave and said she could stop on her own. I gave her the chance, of course didn't happen. She tried out patient, in patient, then my "house arrest rehab" LOL. No car, no $, no phone, etc. . .
AD met a 40 year old A at her NA meeting. He talked to me about "helping" our family out by taking her to meetings and being there for my daughter. Like a fool. I feel for this too.
AD stayed clean for at least 9 months that I am sure of while living with us.
We had told AD when she started back to college, we would give her room and board $ if she wanted to get an apartment instead of living at the dorm.
Long story short, 40 yr A and my 20 yr daughter moved out together last November. She won't answer our phone calls or e-mails . . .He controls her every move.
She got married March 9 while I was in LA on business. She didn't tell and still hasn't told any of us that she got married. E-mailed my husband to ask about her room and board $$. LOL!
Because of the strength I have found with this goup, I have done the following:
No more e-mails to her
No more telephone calls to her ( I used to call twice a day and leave a message; although she would never answer)
NO more $$$ to her
Her health insurance was cancelled from my policy because she got married
Turned off the GPS system on her car so I can't check her comings and goings
Her car is in her name and so is the insurance responsibility
Turned my attention to my younger daughter (senior in high school) and my husband, and myself!
This is the best part - planned a vacation for me and husband when younger daughter leaves for college this Fall.
I also was able to totally "Let go and let God". She is in His hands now. My therapist said that He couldn't work on her until I was ready to let go of her. Funny how He can do a much better job with her without my trying to "help" him. But I'm a codie, what do you expect!!
Anyway, thanks to all of you kind people here for posted and replying to others. I think I am heading in the right direction now. I am certainly more peaceful now. I have a long way to go and grow. I hope and pray everyday that my daughter and I will smeday have a healthy relationship. I will neber give up on that hope.
Thanks again for being here. Sorry this is not well written, I don't put my feelings into words very well; but THANK YOU
Terri
Found out last year my 20 yr daughter had been doing cocaine for ~5 years. She was in college at the time; checked out with a medical leave and said she could stop on her own. I gave her the chance, of course didn't happen. She tried out patient, in patient, then my "house arrest rehab" LOL. No car, no $, no phone, etc. . .
AD met a 40 year old A at her NA meeting. He talked to me about "helping" our family out by taking her to meetings and being there for my daughter. Like a fool. I feel for this too.
AD stayed clean for at least 9 months that I am sure of while living with us.
We had told AD when she started back to college, we would give her room and board $ if she wanted to get an apartment instead of living at the dorm.
Long story short, 40 yr A and my 20 yr daughter moved out together last November. She won't answer our phone calls or e-mails . . .He controls her every move.
She got married March 9 while I was in LA on business. She didn't tell and still hasn't told any of us that she got married. E-mailed my husband to ask about her room and board $$. LOL!
Because of the strength I have found with this goup, I have done the following:
No more e-mails to her
No more telephone calls to her ( I used to call twice a day and leave a message; although she would never answer)
NO more $$$ to her
Her health insurance was cancelled from my policy because she got married
Turned off the GPS system on her car so I can't check her comings and goings
Her car is in her name and so is the insurance responsibility
Turned my attention to my younger daughter (senior in high school) and my husband, and myself!
This is the best part - planned a vacation for me and husband when younger daughter leaves for college this Fall.
I also was able to totally "Let go and let God". She is in His hands now. My therapist said that He couldn't work on her until I was ready to let go of her. Funny how He can do a much better job with her without my trying to "help" him. But I'm a codie, what do you expect!!
Anyway, thanks to all of you kind people here for posted and replying to others. I think I am heading in the right direction now. I am certainly more peaceful now. I have a long way to go and grow. I hope and pray everyday that my daughter and I will smeday have a healthy relationship. I will neber give up on that hope.
Thanks again for being here. Sorry this is not well written, I don't put my feelings into words very well; but THANK YOU
Terri
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
thanks for the update, i think your righting is very good, glad to hear the good news about how well you are moving right along in your recovery. sorry to hear about your daughter, but i think that you are making some good decisions, and i really hope you and your husband enjoy your trip, you deserve one or two. i pray that your daughter finds her way soon. still praying for ya
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Terri, Your post is wonderful and you express yourself beautifully...thank you for sharing your story of hope! It is one of hope...hope for us that we can recover! You've come such a long way on your journey. I too am hopeful that you and your daughter will again establish a healthy relationship. You are a wonderful mom to let her HP take over control.
This made me smile. I recall one time after my daughter's first rehab, saying to her kiddingly that I was going to put a GPS on her car. I guess it wasn't quite so kidding 
Hugs and prayers fo ryou and your family.
Turned off the GPS system on her car so I can't check her comings and goings
Hugs and prayers fo ryou and your family.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Havehope, Sounds like you are doing things to take the chaos out of your life. My 20 year old lives with a 37 year old crack addict. His control comes in the form of supplying her drugs. I can't compete with that Anyway good for you. Sometimes ignorance is bliss when it comes to our addicted children. Hugs, Marle
Anyway good for you. Sometimes ignorance is bliss when it comes to our addicted children. Hugs, Marle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
Thanks teke, greet and marlee
I have followed your stories and postings as fellow mom's and you have given me the courage to stand up for myself and my family. I can't thank you enough. You have been an inspiration to me.
I also attended my first naranon meeting this week!
Greet - I was obsessed with the GPS on her car! I could tell you everyday when and where she went to lunch (couldn't tell you what she ate, lol), when she got to school, everything. It was taking over my day at work. Not good!
I have followed your stories and postings as fellow mom's and you have given me the courage to stand up for myself and my family. I can't thank you enough. You have been an inspiration to me.
I also attended my first naranon meeting this week!
Greet - I was obsessed with the GPS on her car! I could tell you everyday when and where she went to lunch (couldn't tell you what she ate, lol), when she got to school, everything. It was taking over my day at work. Not good!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Terri, I think that is an awesome post and that your recovery is shining through.
It took me a very long time to give my son to God, but when I did, God was waiting and I now begin each day with a prayer asking God to keep looking after all this. He never fails me.
Your daughter will be in my prayers, and like my son....in God's trusty hands.
You sound like a healthy wonderful family and I love how you have not lost sight of the other members.
Hugs
It took me a very long time to give my son to God, but when I did, God was waiting and I now begin each day with a prayer asking God to keep looking after all this. He never fails me.
Your daughter will be in my prayers, and like my son....in God's trusty hands.
You sound like a healthy wonderful family and I love how you have not lost sight of the other members.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: totally lost
Posts: 250
I know what its like to find out stuff you think you should have known for ages. But a 40 yr. old man? That's just perverse.
But sounds like you are doing all the right things. WTG!
Sending prayers and hugs,
SM
Enjoy your vacation, plz!
But sounds like you are doing all the right things. WTG!
Sending prayers and hugs,
SM
Enjoy your vacation, plz!
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((Terri))))
Well good for you, you sure sound like you've "got it"!
It's nice to have that vacation with the hubby as something to look forward to.
I had to chuckle (nicely) when she emailed her dad for the room and board money..... they amaze me....
Hugs to you,
Well good for you, you sure sound like you've "got it"!
It's nice to have that vacation with the hubby as something to look forward to.
I had to chuckle (nicely) when she emailed her dad for the room and board money..... they amaze me....
Hugs to you,
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((havehope)))))))
Your strength and determination is inspiring.
It seems your on a good path of recovery for yourself.
Prayers for continued strength, for you and your family.
I know how hard this is for you, but your doing the right thing.
All said with heartfelt care and understanding,
Your strength and determination is inspiring.
It seems your on a good path of recovery for yourself.
Prayers for continued strength, for you and your family.
I know how hard this is for you, but your doing the right thing.
All said with heartfelt care and understanding,
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Terri.... your recovery is absolutely incredible. I admire you very much.
Prayers that your older daughter can find her way back...soon. And that your younger daughter launches into college with great hope and hoopla! Enjoy that vacation...
((hugs))
Prayers that your older daughter can find her way back...soon. And that your younger daughter launches into college with great hope and hoopla! Enjoy that vacation...
((hugs))
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
