Now what do I Do with These????
Bridge CLOSED
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Now what do I Do with These????
When XABF moved out there was a bunch of unprocessed rolls of Black and White negative film in the refrigerator. It had been exposed, but we just had not gotten around to developing it in the Dark Room. He took some but not all of it.. and I have to tell you that one roll of film ready for processing looks exactly like another.. so I have no idea looking at the rolls who shot what etc.
I have been developing the film and so far one roll of 35mm was his. Now I am into the Medium format stuff.. and I just got done with three rolls and He** and D*mn.. all three are ones he shot. Nutz.. I wasted time on THAT!
I have told him to Cease ALL Contact and I want to stick to that because I ma really happy with things like that. However, the one thing he has done really well in his life has been photography. So, here I have this one roll of 35mm he shot and 3 rolls of 120 film. One of these was from before he and I ever knew each other. I expect when I run the next batch of film tomorrow I will have another 2 or three rolls of this 120 stuff that is his.
The question is what to do with this? I do not want to get any contact going with him (I told him no contact by any means), but I feel like a thief keeping his artistic endeavors. I could send them to him care of his sister, but I don't want any more fuel on this fire. I really like the peace I have with no contact.
What shoud I do? I could toss them and forget it (seems like a real shame to do this to some one else's work). I could put them in storage and wait a year and then send them to him (but I may not know where he is in a year.. tho he**.. they were in his freezer then my freezer for all that time.. so I can't see the harm other than me forgetting or him disappearing). I could send them to his relative and they can send it on to him (which I can do in a year if I have no idea where he is).
I am thinking of the putting 'em aside and sending them next year as the best way to handle this.
Any advice? A better idea? thanx!
I have been developing the film and so far one roll of 35mm was his. Now I am into the Medium format stuff.. and I just got done with three rolls and He** and D*mn.. all three are ones he shot. Nutz.. I wasted time on THAT!
I have told him to Cease ALL Contact and I want to stick to that because I ma really happy with things like that. However, the one thing he has done really well in his life has been photography. So, here I have this one roll of 35mm he shot and 3 rolls of 120 film. One of these was from before he and I ever knew each other. I expect when I run the next batch of film tomorrow I will have another 2 or three rolls of this 120 stuff that is his.
The question is what to do with this? I do not want to get any contact going with him (I told him no contact by any means), but I feel like a thief keeping his artistic endeavors. I could send them to him care of his sister, but I don't want any more fuel on this fire. I really like the peace I have with no contact.
What shoud I do? I could toss them and forget it (seems like a real shame to do this to some one else's work). I could put them in storage and wait a year and then send them to him (but I may not know where he is in a year.. tho he**.. they were in his freezer then my freezer for all that time.. so I can't see the harm other than me forgetting or him disappearing). I could send them to his relative and they can send it on to him (which I can do in a year if I have no idea where he is).
I am thinking of the putting 'em aside and sending them next year as the best way to handle this.
Any advice? A better idea? thanx!
dragon76
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: waurika,oklahoma
Posts: 42
I Understand your aprehension cause im an alcoholic and have hurt alot of loved ones.sober now but am learning to do whats right.sorry if i seem blunt i only have cell phone and have to be brief
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Elana, I had two thoughts as I read this. The first was to put them in a box and see what happens. My second thought, which frankly, for me I liked better, was to send them to him if you have his address. No note, no "contact," no return address. He will know of course that you sent them, but I think he may honor your no contact rule if there is no comment with the package. For me, I would feel more closure knowing they are returned and not thinking about what happens in a year.
Hugs.
Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
I would go ahead and send them. This way you will have them out of site and (maybe) mind after you send them. If you are like me, I would probably think about them a lot more if they were still at my house. I don't need any more reminders than I have to see around my house everyday. Also, if I get depressed or mad, I might get them out an go on a downward spiral with my recovery.
IMHO, i would send them ASAP and be rid it them.
Terri
IMHO, i would send them ASAP and be rid it them.
Terri
Bridge CLOSED
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Oh it is not the emotional attachment at all. It is just that I am an artist and he taught me photography which is an extension of my ability as an artist (another medium actually).
He took some rolls and left some probably because he could not tell them apart any better than I can.. I developed 5 rolls of film today... 3 medium format and 2 of 35mm and only ONE was mine. He** and D*mn! It took me a little time to deal with the 120 too.. annoying. Sort of funny too. Like someone reaching me from beyond the grave.
I like Greet's idea.
If they sit here they are not baggage and I don't think about them. I really do not. This man betrayed me and violated me and the last two contacts made threats. I have no feeling anymore. Oh I miss the NOISE around here, but not if the nosie is from a liar, so I turn on the stereo and play Mozart for noise!
This really has not to do with any relationship.. but it has to do wtih an artist's work and keeping it. I cannot print it (he owns the copy right and why would I do that anyway?)and I really should not throw it away.. it is a moment in time that is his (I know that makes no sense unless you do this I guess).
Well, I have more to do tomorrow and maybe I will be done with the stuff he shot. Then it has to dry and I have to wait for the sleeves to get here.. handling negatives (in spite of Walmarts 1 hour photo) is a process and I will not treat these any different than I would my own.
Once they are in archival sleeves I will decide what to do.
I really don't have any emotional connection with him any more. Jowever, I am an artist and I respect the work for its own sake.
These are not sox.. they are his creation? tho I have found other things of his and sent them, that was b4 no contact.
He took some rolls and left some probably because he could not tell them apart any better than I can.. I developed 5 rolls of film today... 3 medium format and 2 of 35mm and only ONE was mine. He** and D*mn! It took me a little time to deal with the 120 too.. annoying. Sort of funny too. Like someone reaching me from beyond the grave.
I like Greet's idea.
If they sit here they are not baggage and I don't think about them. I really do not. This man betrayed me and violated me and the last two contacts made threats. I have no feeling anymore. Oh I miss the NOISE around here, but not if the nosie is from a liar, so I turn on the stereo and play Mozart for noise!
This really has not to do with any relationship.. but it has to do wtih an artist's work and keeping it. I cannot print it (he owns the copy right and why would I do that anyway?)and I really should not throw it away.. it is a moment in time that is his (I know that makes no sense unless you do this I guess).
Well, I have more to do tomorrow and maybe I will be done with the stuff he shot. Then it has to dry and I have to wait for the sleeves to get here.. handling negatives (in spite of Walmarts 1 hour photo) is a process and I will not treat these any different than I would my own.
Once they are in archival sleeves I will decide what to do.
I really don't have any emotional connection with him any more. Jowever, I am an artist and I respect the work for its own sake.
These are not sox.. they are his creation? tho I have found other things of his and sent them, that was b4 no contact.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
well here i go, and i hope that i don't get cursed at. i kind of think like anvil, maybe they are not like socks but i think that if they were that important, then he would have asked you for them or took them with him. i think if you're done then maybe you could wait until you KNOW you are not gonna be effected by however he may react to you sending them to him, since you have to send them.
in time, you don't know how this whole thing will play out, i'm just one for not making hasty decisions. my first husband and i became like sis and bro, after a long and nasty breakup, it took yrs to get that way, but i cherished his friendship until the day he passed away.
i'm sure you may not want to hear this, but one day, you may actually forgive him and become a casual friend, enough to be able to give him his pics, without incident. now, i think that you maybe opening a whole new can of worms. i think that both you guys feeling may still be a little raw, since there is no hurry and they are not in your way, why not box them away somewhere out of sight and just wait. like you said, no need to add fuel to a fire, thats presently still burning. please, what do i know, it only my opinion.
in time, you don't know how this whole thing will play out, i'm just one for not making hasty decisions. my first husband and i became like sis and bro, after a long and nasty breakup, it took yrs to get that way, but i cherished his friendship until the day he passed away.
i'm sure you may not want to hear this, but one day, you may actually forgive him and become a casual friend, enough to be able to give him his pics, without incident. now, i think that you maybe opening a whole new can of worms. i think that both you guys feeling may still be a little raw, since there is no hurry and they are not in your way, why not box them away somewhere out of sight and just wait. like you said, no need to add fuel to a fire, thats presently still burning. please, what do i know, it only my opinion.
Bridge CLOSED
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Teke, I will never curse you! Besides, if I do that who is going to show me around Atlanta when I get down that way??!!
I agree with you. I am done being mad and yes, someday we might be friends. I am not thinking on it one way or the other?
Well, nothing is going to happen with these photographs today or tomorrow. I have to get all of this stuff processed because, so far, most of it is mine. Just today it turned out to be mostly his. He would care if he knew what it was.. but he doesn't know about any of this or that I processed it. He likely he has some of my film as well. My obligation here is to the art, not to him.
I think I am now centered.
BTW I agree with the can of worms. Heck.. if I did not think that I would not have come here and asked what you all would do. I am past the worms.. LOL
He is not. Fact is, right now he is the angry one and I don't really care. His anger is his to deal with and not mine.
I am not either angry or sad or feeling anything about him.
Last week I was just past it and really I am spending time loving me and taking care of me and looking at what I want from life and my own future.
I feel so at peace right now. It is awesome. I asked about this cuz dang.. I really don't want to step out of peace. Asking for 2nd opinions.
I like the idea of sending them back with no addy and no note. I also like the idea of not doing it right now. Heck.. what if I did nto decide to do this for months? I could have. This stuff has been refrigerated for years!
I am doing fine. I truly am.
I agree with you. I am done being mad and yes, someday we might be friends. I am not thinking on it one way or the other?
Well, nothing is going to happen with these photographs today or tomorrow. I have to get all of this stuff processed because, so far, most of it is mine. Just today it turned out to be mostly his. He would care if he knew what it was.. but he doesn't know about any of this or that I processed it. He likely he has some of my film as well. My obligation here is to the art, not to him.
I think I am now centered.
BTW I agree with the can of worms. Heck.. if I did not think that I would not have come here and asked what you all would do. I am past the worms.. LOL
He is not. Fact is, right now he is the angry one and I don't really care. His anger is his to deal with and not mine.
I am not either angry or sad or feeling anything about him.
Last week I was just past it and really I am spending time loving me and taking care of me and looking at what I want from life and my own future.
I feel so at peace right now. It is awesome. I asked about this cuz dang.. I really don't want to step out of peace. Asking for 2nd opinions.
I like the idea of sending them back with no addy and no note. I also like the idea of not doing it right now. Heck.. what if I did nto decide to do this for months? I could have. This stuff has been refrigerated for years!
I am doing fine. I truly am.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
good for you, i was a little scared that i was gonna make you mad enough to change your mind about letting me know when you get to atl. whew!!!!!!!!!! got through that. i was waiting to see wht you thought, anyway!LOL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Elana,
I like the suggestions given so far and I guess it depends alot on how you feel about it, plus I had the (codie me) thought that if you send them to a family member you can't control what happens to them next, whereas if you send them directly to him...that's the end of it. If it were me- I could release it better knowing that there were no loose ends to think about. I would send them registered so he has to sign for them...just to be sure.
I hope you can decide on a plan that you feel comfortable about doing.
I like the suggestions given so far and I guess it depends alot on how you feel about it, plus I had the (codie me) thought that if you send them to a family member you can't control what happens to them next, whereas if you send them directly to him...that's the end of it. If it were me- I could release it better knowing that there were no loose ends to think about. I would send them registered so he has to sign for them...just to be sure.
I hope you can decide on a plan that you feel comfortable about doing.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
and btw, we'd both have to figure our way around atl, when you get here, all i know about is the little space where i live and been here all my life. had a strick mama who kept me on a leash until i learned how to like hanging around the house, so that ought to be a lot of fun, we discover atl, together. i don't know how i managed to get addicted to crack.LOL
Bridge CLOSED
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
I think I don't need to do this now. I DO want to get the ret of it developed so I can go out and take more photos without facing the backlogged stuff every time I do.
Next I will have a back log of printing to do.. but I won't print his stuff. He has a film scanner and can scan it to the computer or print on his own enlarger.
Printing is a real fine art process. You can take the finestsimage in the world, but if you make a lousy print, you might as well have left the film in the can! I have some really nice stuff to print right now.
Next I will have a back log of printing to do.. but I won't print his stuff. He has a film scanner and can scan it to the computer or print on his own enlarger.
Printing is a real fine art process. You can take the finestsimage in the world, but if you make a lousy print, you might as well have left the film in the can! I have some really nice stuff to print right now.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm coming in late on this, but I am thinking much like Greet, just gather up what is his and send them without comment.
As a photographer, they are going to get in your way, take up your time, and remind you of him whether you realize it or not.
You sound like you are doing well and whatever you decide to to will probably leave you with the same peace you feel today.
Hugs
As a photographer, they are going to get in your way, take up your time, and remind you of him whether you realize it or not.
You sound like you are doing well and whatever you decide to to will probably leave you with the same peace you feel today.
Hugs
Bridge CLOSED
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
I agree Ann.
the last time I reached this peace place I had been away from my Ex husband for over a year and was not in any sort of relationship. I had been talking guys on line and in person, but nothing committal and I did nto want anything committed.. I did nto even really want a close friendship. I had been in recovery and the mistake I made was leaving that (who knew?.. Oh yeah.. all of you here!). I was taking chemistry classes and Calculus classes and feeling good.
Xabf had been corresponding with me for a year and asked me to go fishing with him on Party Boat. I almost said no because I felt the new-ness of my peace was too fragile and I did not want to lose it..... but I did nto realize how important it was to keep this and work on it.
You know.. fools jump in where angels fear to tread... and this would be new for me so I went fishing. Now it is 6 years later and, well, my gut said DON'T GO and I did anyway. Now when I hear that voice of question in the back of my head, I don't want to rush ahead inspite of it. I want to slow down like it says to.
I have made this decision:
I will finish processing all the film I have. I will separate his stuff from mine. I will put his stuff to one side so I am not bumping into it and see how it goes. I can send it to him any time.
I plan to send it to him when I think time may have cooled his anger and he won't have any desire to contact me. I won't put a return addy on the envelope, I will type the addy to him on the envelope and I won't put a word of correspendance in the envelope.
If, OTOH, it keeps bumping me and bothering me to have it around I will send it sooner, (it didn't bother me in the refrigerator, but then I had no idea what it was or if it was his).
He will know where it came from. He is a photographer. He looks at his own work and he remembers every time he pushed the shutter button.
And, in the mean time, I will let my peace grow stronger. I need to do that before everything else. I am so in love with this peace and I want to be sure it is going to "stick."
the last time I reached this peace place I had been away from my Ex husband for over a year and was not in any sort of relationship. I had been talking guys on line and in person, but nothing committal and I did nto want anything committed.. I did nto even really want a close friendship. I had been in recovery and the mistake I made was leaving that (who knew?.. Oh yeah.. all of you here!). I was taking chemistry classes and Calculus classes and feeling good.
Xabf had been corresponding with me for a year and asked me to go fishing with him on Party Boat. I almost said no because I felt the new-ness of my peace was too fragile and I did not want to lose it..... but I did nto realize how important it was to keep this and work on it.
You know.. fools jump in where angels fear to tread... and this would be new for me so I went fishing. Now it is 6 years later and, well, my gut said DON'T GO and I did anyway. Now when I hear that voice of question in the back of my head, I don't want to rush ahead inspite of it. I want to slow down like it says to.
I have made this decision:
I will finish processing all the film I have. I will separate his stuff from mine. I will put his stuff to one side so I am not bumping into it and see how it goes. I can send it to him any time.
I plan to send it to him when I think time may have cooled his anger and he won't have any desire to contact me. I won't put a return addy on the envelope, I will type the addy to him on the envelope and I won't put a word of correspendance in the envelope.
If, OTOH, it keeps bumping me and bothering me to have it around I will send it sooner, (it didn't bother me in the refrigerator, but then I had no idea what it was or if it was his).
He will know where it came from. He is a photographer. He looks at his own work and he remembers every time he pushed the shutter button.
And, in the mean time, I will let my peace grow stronger. I need to do that before everything else. I am so in love with this peace and I want to be sure it is going to "stick."
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
You've made a well thought out decision that sounds like one you are very comfortable with...that's great!
I love this...it warms my heart hearing that you feel so peaceful. Hugs
really I am spending time loving me and taking care of me and looking at what I want from life and my own future.
I feel so at peace right now. It is awesome.
I feel so at peace right now. It is awesome.
I love this...it warms my heart hearing that you feel so peaceful. Hugs
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Hmmm, well, I wouldn't be in any rush to do anything, then after that I'd print them up and donate them, like to the boys and girls club, a local childrens ward or a senior citizens home. People love to look at beautiful pictures, it takes them to places they have never been...
OR, that's it, you can send them to me...WooHoo!
I don't know, just struck me that way
OR, that's it, you can send them to me...WooHoo!
I don't know, just struck me that way
Bridge CLOSED
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Oh Dollly.. you make me laugh..
These are his photos and they are of things like trains coming out of tunnels etc. I have better shots IMO.
I have some of ice droplets I want to print to 8X10.. maybe 11X14 (but this is 35mm so 11X14 is about the end of the line or it gets grainy). I have some horses.. cart horses in NYC actually.. some of Montana and Canyonlands from vacations... Oh a lot of stuff.
I have train photos too. Lots of trains. I like trains..
These are his photos and they are of things like trains coming out of tunnels etc. I have better shots IMO.
I have some of ice droplets I want to print to 8X10.. maybe 11X14 (but this is 35mm so 11X14 is about the end of the line or it gets grainy). I have some horses.. cart horses in NYC actually.. some of Montana and Canyonlands from vacations... Oh a lot of stuff.
I have train photos too. Lots of trains. I like trains..
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Out on the Ocean Blue
Posts: 272
Hi Elana - Hope you can make a decision and film wasn't just left so he could make an excuse to contact you OR test you to see if you would send etc. The "ice droplets" sound too beautiful for words
Bridge CLOSED
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
No. He was in a hurry to leave...
I am sure he has some of my film as well, and I am sure he won't be nearly as honest to the profession or to the business of art.
He contacts ME again I go for an RO. I don't need his troubles in my yard, my mail box, or my Email box.
I am sure he has some of my film as well, and I am sure he won't be nearly as honest to the profession or to the business of art.
He contacts ME again I go for an RO. I don't need his troubles in my yard, my mail box, or my Email box.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
