I'm obsessed with answers

Old 03-26-2007, 06:11 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
the title of your post caught my attention because I too was "obsessed with answers" when I first arrived at SR

(I thought my son was not exactly like the other addicts here and spent some time trying to explain that concept!!
everyone else was an addict but my son was a college student who partied too hard and for too long...)

eventually I became less obsessed with answers and more focused on solutions and by the way I also realized my son was an addict...big time!

I believe your daughter needs a long time recovery program....coming home is not a good is a recipe for relapse...

I too have much debt that I assumed by paying off credit cards and I wish I had a car to sell to help with that!

stay strong...the road is long and hard but fortunately there is hope...

my son is now 11 months clean living in a christian recovery house and working on his recovery using the twelve steps and faith every day

you are in my prayers
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Old 03-26-2007, 11:39 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Let Go Let God
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
hi upsidedown . just had a chance to catch up on the posts . im happy for you that you made your decision and in my opinion no matter how it turns out it was the right one for not only your daughter but for you and your family as well . you are being thought of today and prayed for , not just by me i see .. and btw, you are not weak , we all have weak moments but its then that we let our 'friends' help carry the burden for us until we are stronger and can carry on .. thats what this site is for, isnt it ?? xoxo
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Old 03-26-2007, 12:26 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
I'm HOME!!!!!
notsleepingwell's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573

1st let me welcome you to SR!!! This site saved my life. My addict is my 29 year old daughter who was an RN, is now homeless, and I'm currently raising her 12 year old son. Same DOC by the way!!!

I just discovered all this last May, and she is missing again for the 2nd time since then. However, I'm not quite so crazy, still worried....but not crying every day of my life.

Codie's are what we are!!! We try to make everything better, try to just help a little!!! Basically try to fix the problem that 1] We didn't create and 2] we have no control over...

Can't remember if people mentioned the 3 C's to you

You didn't Cause it
You can't Control it
and You can't CURE it

There is a wonderful book out there, Co-dependent No More by Melodie Beattie....I found the best thing for me was to get educated about addiction. Not that that solved my problem, but at least I knew what I was dealing with. Am now addicted to the show "Intervention".

We're here for are not alone walking this path!!!!!!
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Old 03-26-2007, 12:27 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
I'm HOME!!!!!
notsleepingwell's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
Wanted to share these 2 posts...had added it to my other post above...but it looked overwhelming

These were written by 2 of our very own members of SR!!!!

You can't make me clean

I know it is what you want for me to be, but until I want it - I won't be.

You can't love me clean ...because until I learn to love myself. I won't be.

I know you must wonder how can I learn to love myself when I am caught up in a lifestyle of self-hatred and self destruction. I can learn from my own experience ... I can learn from the things that happen to me along the path of my own mistakes. I can learn by being allowed to suffer the consequences of my choices. Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need learn.

I know it devastates you to watch me hurting myself. I know you want to jump in and save me. This helps ease your pain, but I don't think you understand just how damaging it is to me.

You see although I look and sound like your loved one. Me, the person .. is locked away deep down inside my being. What you see before you is a addict ruled and reigned by my addiction. The main focus of a addict is to feed the addiction. Every effort you put forth in the name of helping me *the person* falls prey to my addict giving more power to the addiction to shackel down *the person in me .. a little more each time.

I feed my addiction enough ... please don't help me.

The only way for the person in me to get free is to be free .. to fall as far as I need to go in order to find the strength to fight back and break free.

How can or will I ever be able to get clean.

The same way I gave myself over to my addiction is the same way I can give myself over to my recovery. BY MYSELF

By allowing me to reach 'rock bottom' you move over and allow me to find the my own way back .. It is in the fight to break free that I will find myself .. it is in the fight that I learn to love myself .. the more I love myself the more I will do to better myself.

I am aware that when I use I am playing russian roulette with my life. I know this, but that is a chance we take when we use. The addict in me is willing to take that chance in the name of getting high.

Rock bottom is but a circumstance away. I can't get in if you are blocking the entrance ...

Please for the sake of the person in me .. move out of the way .. and let me fall as far down as I have to in order to reach the bottom .. and pray for me that when I do hit .. that is not with the impact that leaves me for dead (I know that is your greatest fear), but if it comes to that .. be sure to tell my story so that others might learn and live.

Recovering Addict

What Addicts Do

My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
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Old 03-26-2007, 01:02 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: totally lost
Posts: 250
Another mom here, with almost the same story as you and the other moms.
I'm coming in late and haven't read all the replies, but saw you already decided what I was going to suggest....sell the car, halfway house!
I tried letting AS come home after rehab, testing him daily for drugs, and it made me a total wreck. Honest, I was close to a nervous breakdown, whatever that is. He wasn't ready to quit, so he had a stash of clean urine and was actually doing crack in my own house!
He's staying in an Oxford House now, they are not as restrictive as a halfway house, but he's got 7 guys to talk to and since they are all recovering addicts, he can't put anything past them. He was SOOO lucky to get in there and it's been the best thing to happen to him in many years. Do you have any in your area?
As for why, I did the same thing as you in the beginning...I wanted to know why, how this happened. Thanks to the great people here on SR, I FINALLY realized I was wasting energy even thinking about it. There is no answer to why. There is only today and what we need to do right now.
Sounds like you are on the right track now, feel free to PM me if you want to talk or just rant and rave!
****{Hugs}}} and prayers for you and your AD! SM
PS...the post from Notsleepingwell marked a major turning point in my thinking the first time I read it. An "AHA" moment...hope you find yours, too!
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Old 03-27-2007, 06:41 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
I am so sorry you are going through this.
This insanity is something I would never wish on anyone.
Some days I sit back and am completely shocked and dumbfounded about how I got here...

I would say you have every right in the world to sell her car to pay for her debt. I know that realistically, taking on any of her responsibilities can be viewed as enabling to some degree (I am slowly learning this).

The addict will try to make you crazy and feel guilty for doing things to take care of you. Ifind this is hardest tow ork through.
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