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Why cant I be happy?

Old 03-23-2007, 10:34 AM
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Why cant I be happy?

Well the frog getting fat thread initially touched on this, but here I go again. I realize my life is calm, nothing crazy or upsetting, the usual work tension is lax right now and over all no real stress (Besides being a working mom of three).

But I feel more down than usual and no focus. I dont know how to just be happy. Im waiting for the bomb to drop. Interesting since at 15 I wrote a story about me that said the same thing, it said in my life all good things end.
I talked to my mom, why would I feel that way, the only real things we can figure is how I responded and what I journaled after my parents divorce and then my grandma's death (when I was 9 and 11).



I think that is why I like my aquariums and pets, when I feel this way I just get another, something to get excited over.

How can I get past this thinking all good things end feeling and just be happy for where Im at?
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Old 03-23-2007, 10:39 AM
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Hi cinder - Just got "the Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson - Could it help you?
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Old 03-23-2007, 10:48 AM
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you know, cinder

i found that most of the time that i expect bad things to happen, it usually does. i've learned to replace those thoughts of doom with faith that bad things don't have to always be the end of it, sometimes it maybe the beginning of something far better.

i consciencely try my best to think in the day, and sometime i have to reduce it to minutes. there is a story in the bible that helped me, job said "the things i fear the most, have come upon me". change your thoughts and sooner or later, it'll change your destiny, i believe.
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Old 03-23-2007, 11:00 AM
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For now I took extra vitamin B Complex and drinking a vitamin water that will temporarily help uplift the blues
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Old 03-23-2007, 11:06 AM
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I once worked with a lady and her life was a mess her husband lost his job, she was having alot of problems with her son, they were loosing their home, her car got re-poded while at work and everyone watched as it happened I mean her life was crumbling. She acted just fine.

Then when everything settled down it was then she started having problems with anxiety and just not feeling like herself. Its almost like she didnt know how to handle things when there was nothing left to handle or worry about. It took awhile but eventually she got used to it. Just like u will get used to not having all the drama and worrying about the future and when the bomb will drop who knows when you wait for something bad to happen that can almost drive you just as nuts. Your adjusting to your life being calm its a weird feeling and just out of the ralm of what your used to. I think when we are used to living chaotic lives when the chaos is gone we dont know how to adjust to the change. Time thats all time will help you to adjust.
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Old 03-23-2007, 11:13 AM
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Well, I know this feeling too. I used to say that things in life usually don't go right... when they do watch out cuz the other show is going to drop!

What this program taught me to do is to stay in TODAY and have no expectations, good OR bad!

I think one of the reasons I would get another pet etc. was I was just plain BORED. When life is very active with drama, work (like when I was farming) or even good things you get used to it. When things go along fine, you miss all that activity.

In my old life, by now I would have gotten a dog (and the consequences of not having a fence, kennel and crate bhe darned) or anothe cat or something. I have been going now for nearly 6 months and have not gotten anything like that (tho I am thinking tonight I will LOOK at small aquariums and the two gold fish on my way home). LOOK... not necessarily BUY. I am going to do something about getting a dog, but I am thinking I may want to get into obedience or agility or sheep herding etc. so again.. I am planning and waiting to do it right, not just blasting ahead to serve my own needs for activity.

I am being much more methodical in my approach. Oh yeah.. I DO get a bit blue and a bit bored, but I am taking this ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Being (finally) shed of Steve in my HEAD as well as my heart has left new found space and I am trying to plan how I will fill that space.. not going ahead willy nilly to fill it and ending up with more clutter or something I probably should not have gotten.

I don't know if this makes any sense at all, but I think I know what you are experiencing. Just work real hard at staying in today and letting the calm operate and the good operate for today. Don't worry about 'the other shoe dropping' when stuff is going right.
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Old 03-23-2007, 11:15 AM
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(((Cinda))) Time takes time.... this too shall pass.... all slogans from my Alanon program that tell me that for some period of time, I need to just feel my feelings.

Since I DIDN'T allow myself to feel things for a very long time, I didn't know how to change that. I found (after a few tries) that writing out things, like you did above, helped very much. Sharing them with one other person helped as well.

My experience in doing this was called a 4th step... or a mini-4th step. The person I shared with was someone I trusted to not judge me...my Alanon sponsor. What she "did" was listen with empathy and then speak to me about what she "heard". Certain themes were repeated... fear of being unloved, fear of being not good enough, fear of not being heard, fear of being discounted.

Awareness of those fears help me to recognize them, accept them as part of who I am (and that they are some of the "triggers" for my rage and anger), and begin to make some changes around those fears... reading particular articles and readings from my literature.... so that I can live differently than I did before.

THIS is one of the gifts of my Alanon program - I got into to "fix" someone, but in the "process" ... I am finding tools and information that is helping me change....me.

(((Cindarellawithkids))))
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Old 03-23-2007, 11:21 AM
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just feel my feelings.
I Feel bored. LOL You know at lunch I went to a retile shop to look at tortoises. But Im gonna wait. They'll be a huge expo with good prices here in AUgust, so I am not allowing myself, unless its a rescue, to get one before then. That will give me time to be sure and not justa whim. Who knows mine could be larger and a lot more trouble by then.

BTW-defination of a rescue is something to help and nuture then re-release ina few weeks not codependant caretaking looking for something in return and hold hostage for an eternity.
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Old 03-23-2007, 11:47 AM
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SO its okay to same days just not feel happy, for no real reason?

I do think part of mine is chemical as for lunch I chose to have a Steak & SHake mocha /chocolate milkshake. Yum. Now with my sugar rush Kicking and actually remembering to take my vitamins today. Im starting to feel pretty good.
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Old 03-23-2007, 11:53 AM
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Yeah.. somedays we can feel not happy. It CAN be chemical and is often related to hormones etc. somedays it is just the business of life.

I find I get grumpy if I am physically uncomfortable (hungry or in pain). I also get that way when I am bored (sometimes) tho as I get older I find I just want to go to sleep when I am bored... LOL
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Old 03-23-2007, 11:58 AM
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I was thinking about the positive and atleast I have my crockpot dinner ready to eat when we get home and then Im going to chill
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Old 03-23-2007, 01:25 PM
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cinderrealla
i think when life is always brings unexpected things,,we get used to the idea that thegoodthings will end.. when ihave agood day lolol i always know it will end,, but i try to enjoy it without thinking too much... but its not easy...
when u feel blue first thing that help me alot know this feeling willgo,, and will not last forever,, and just try to think about good things..
so something good for yourself,.... something to let the sad things out llike maybe ,, eat chocolat?? lol have your favorite show on... realx,,and breath and even go for a run .. do something to kick it out

THE MORE wE LET THE GUEST saDNEss stay longer in our heart the less shy it becomes,, taking over everything!!
hugs to u cinderalla!!!
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Old 03-23-2007, 01:49 PM
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Everythings going to be okay.

I feel good now guys-YEAH!!!!
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Old 03-23-2007, 02:05 PM
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Glad to hear that Cinder!
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