an addict and a cheater?

Old 03-23-2007, 11:29 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
kim1973berly's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: hazel park, michigan
Posts: 24
sickofit, I am sorry that you are going through this. There are some things that are just unforgivable and inexcusable even for the addicts. Cheating is one of them. It hurts so badly to be on the receiving end of that.

I am one of those that needs to know and the sooner the better. Until I know the truth there are no chances for healing, I stay in the anger part of the process. At the very least you now know that he is absolutely not worth your time.

Sending big hugs and prayers your way today. No one deserves that kind of heartache.

"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them."
Khalil Gibran
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Old 03-23-2007, 11:33 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewher
Posts: 259
sick of it!!
hugs and warm viebs to you and ur kids!! youll beok ,, i know it hurst alot now but you will survive ur!! GOd bless u!! we love you and we are all herefor u whne u need us
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Old 03-26-2007, 08:32 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Eugene, Oregon
Posts: 18
I know one too...

Well I am sorry you have to go through it to.... I also met a beautiful sexy man that was also a crack addict and found myself thinking I could help him out...and he would be eternally grateful!

Instead.... he repaid the favor with cheating....

But check out my HP......I went to a restaurant that I don't usually go and didn't go to with him.... and ran right into him.... kissing on some 23 year old girl... We are both 38.

Subsiquentally....He has called me for the past year and 1/2..... telling me I am the love of his life....

I also think he has a new girlfriends.... and is still calling me. (is this normal addict behavior?)

And yes. weirdly enough.... I though he was my very good friend...

As I recently saw in a movie...."base heads don't have friends".

The sad part of me keeps thinking that maybe he is better or will change. He keeps begging me to be his friend. Is it ever possible he will straigten up and I can be his friends???
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Old 03-27-2007, 05:58 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: somewhere nj
Posts: 23
I could still remember the feeling when I found out my exAH cheated. I felt total shock-how could this be, why me, how could he do this!! Then I came to SR & meetings & realized that alot of addicts cheat and the people they cheat with are addicts too-why else would they hang around with them. That still didn't make me feel any better. I thought if he just gets into recovery, he will realize what he has done. He makes excuses and blames the oxy's for his actions. I believe him because some addicts cheat. 2 months later he gets into recovery & I take him back. Then I find out that he is still talking to her because he feels bad for how much he hurt her. I find out & the shock of this is even more than 1st realizing he was cheating. We went to marriage counseling to save a long marriage with 3 children. I really tried to get over the past hurts & lies, but I just couldn't. I filed for divorce & try to never look back. He was devasted-how could you do this to me?? Most Addicts whether in recovery or not, really believe that because they are clean, everyone should forgive their actions. Their actions hurt their loved ones so deeply that there is no turning back.

My heart goes out to what you are going through. For me, addiction and then cheating was my bottom.

The hardest part was what do I do with MY life without him. I went to more & more meetings, made new friends & read every book I could on codependency & addiction. I went out & did things-even if that meant a coffee in Barnes & Noble & a book. I did not sit home-if I felt sad-I had my own pity party and went out somewhere. I would type on SR.

Things will get better!! They have too. Life may seem like an all time low, but you are strong & will survive this. Be positive, don't let an addict bring you down!!

My AH left 1 year ago-he is now 2 years clean and I still don't regret my decision. I am happy, my home is peaceful and my life has just begun at 43.
PM me anytime if you want.

I can feel your pain & shock. Hugs & prayers that you find peace & serenity in your life
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Old 03-27-2007, 07:03 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Living in the light
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
His sick behaviors are all about him and his selfishness. Addiction is always selfish. You are one hundred
percent blameless so please do not question yourself in regards to his crap.
We are here to support and care about you as you rebuild your self esteem.

The posts above mine are filled with experience, strength and hope.
I must say I like all the weapons members keep handy. LOL. Warrior Women

You and your children come first always. You deserve far more than your addict can deliver. Oh it is painful yet with time you come through it as many here have. Hugs
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Old 04-21-2007, 02:29 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Eugene, Oregon
Posts: 18
Hello All, I too had a sexy and smart boyfriend that I thought was my very good friend and soul friend. Unfortunatly, I found out he cheated on me... then while he was using cheated with many women. I ended up staying with him because he almost died. I went through hell with him and stuck it out hoping he would get better only to bump into him with yet another woman. I knew then my angels were protecting me. He has called me for over 1 1/2 years and I have recently started talking to him again. He seems to have a new girlfriend however, he is continually calling me. For some weird reason. ....( I keep thinking he is normal again)....He asked me to come to his house. ..There are love notes from a girl all over his house yet he was trying to get me to sleep with him. I said No... You have love notes from a woman all over your house. Why would you treat her the way you treated me? I told him I would not treat another woman that way.

He is still also blaming me for our violatile relationship and my closed heart. "Yes I close my heart when someone continuously cheats, calls me names,and yells.

So now with this new girl... he has a drama free relationship. Wow... that is amazing. I guess she hasn't found out yet he is calling me and trying to get me to sleep with him. Maybe the yelling and abuse hasn't started yet? Maybe the name calling hasn't started yet....

Help me out here.....??

I am a fun girl and have lots of friends.... he seems to have no recollection of my kindness......or helping him out while he was high on crack.

Or that I had any feelings for him.....

wow... J
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Old 04-21-2007, 04:24 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,070
I think most of us snooped at one time or other, I know I did. I found it was like opening Pandora's box, it always hurt me in the end.

That said, you know what you know and now it's time to decide if this relationship is bringing anything good to you, and if it is healthy. If not, as sad as it will be, it may be time to live on your own. Lonely is better that doubled over in pain, yes?

My heart goes out to you, I know this hurts.

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