rose

I don't know what came across me today but I had a period of anger, my stomach knotted up and I felt sick to my stomach of the thoughs about my husband and the prositutes, I don't know what triggered me and I didn't stay in the moment to long....ugly place to be.

A couple of things have cropped up this week that bothered me...
My bestfriend and her husband I found out have been seeing this guy that was my husbands buddy when this chaos started. This guy was involved with my husband doing the crack to and he covered up alot of lies for my husband. He never went down the same road that my husband did, he did have enough sence to walk away from it, but I have to say I destest this man. I guess it is not my business who my friends see, but it really took me back when I found out they had been out this him and his wife and are going to his birthday bash on the weekend. I know they are my own issues but I felt betrayed.

Plus lastnight I went out to look at some TV's...I don't have the money so I thought I would apply for credit to get one, but No TV for me. Just another slap in the face because of his addiction.

Maybe that is why I was triggered today.

Rose

teke

sorry that you are feeling bad today rose, boy do i know what it feels like to feel like you've been betrayed by the very people who are suppose to love you and stand by you in your time of need. its not a good feeling at all. you have a right to your feelings so its good that you are recognizing them and feeling them, and not getting stuck there.

i really think that you are doing so well, considering all you've been through lately. you are showing a lot of strength, i pray that can continue to move forward, one step at a time and you'll get to where you want to be.

cmc

****{Rose}}}}

rose

Thanks Teke..I didn't let them know how I felt, but I don't know if my face showed it or not but you know when here something like that and you utterly feel numb and your mind just freezes. I know that it is not right to have such and I am going to call it HATE towards someone, just look who it is bothering more....ME. But I just can't bring myself to get over it....never have I felt like this towards anyone. It goes back with this guy even before the drugs, he use to work for my husband and we didn't see eye to eye then, he was the type of guy that woman were below him,....I just have no use for him....and I feel that he is stepping on my grounds again!

Rose

teke

i know that feeling too and you're right, that hatred and resentment only hurts you, i found it very helpful to just pray a good prayer over that person
everytime i thought about them. helped me to slowly lose that feeling. i hate to say it but there was a time that i almost hated my mil. it was making me sick to think of her and how she was tring to mistreat me, all because i had her son arrested for fighting me. i mean, he's 6' 225lbs, and i'm5'98lbs, what did she expect me to do. well i just kept praying for her and in no time, i began to feel that what she did didn't matter anymore, it was whether or not i let it effect me. its ok, youre still doing so good to me.

dollydo

Sorry you are feeling down, sometime anger serves a purpose, it is a relief valve.

I hope you have a better tomorrow.

Hugs,
Dolly

outonalimb

(((Rose)))

I felt that way about my exah's 'drug buddy' too.
I put all the blame on him for everything that happened.
Then he went and hung himself and there wasn't anyone left to direct my anger at.
I also have one person in my life who I really struggle to forgive.
Its been a real challenge. I haven't managed to do it yet but I'm trying because I know that letting go of my anger and resentments towards her would help ME...not her. She couldn't care less how I feel about her. The same holds true for this guy you're talking about.
I like teke's idea of trying to say a prayer for him. He sounds like a pretty messed up soul.
Sorry about the TV...and the credit issue. The financial reminders of my exah's drug use continue to sting. Hold your head up, Rose. You are one tough cookie and you are rising from the ashes a little more each day. I'm proud of you! I really am! Be proud of yourself too.

Hope today is a good one...
Happy Friday...