There is hope
Heather
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Somewhere between here and there
Posts: 26
There is hope
Hi Yall
I haven't posted a thread in a long while. Mostly cause these days are pretty uneventful compared to what they used to be like. A year ago my now soon to be husband had entered rehab after leaving once and broke up with me for someone he met in there and I thought my life was over. I literally had no hope left. I wanted to die much more than I wanted to live. After the years of him being gone night after night, him stealing our money, him cheating on me so many times that he probably even lost count, him mentally and physically abusing me and I was DEVISTATED that he broke up with me??!!
I can look back to not so long ago and see just how unbelievably sick I was. What I didn't realize then that I realize now is how our co-depency is so much like their addiction. Just like the addict has to want to get clean for themselves us codies have to want to get better for ourselves. It's within all of us. The question is weather or not we want to do it. The fear of loosing my addict was always far more powerful than my want to get better so I made the choice to stay in a situation that has forever changed the way that I look at life and the world in general. That combined with I think I got very comfortable playing the victim. I had played it for so many years that I think I let it define me.
It's been almost 10 months since he's been back at home and I started getting help for ME and I am finally at a place where I am starting to feel comfortable in my skin FOR ME. I have let go of the past and forgave him FOR ME not for him. I have started exercising. I get my hair and my nails done. I do things that make ME happy. That's the key... I know that what I do is on me and what he does is on him. Me obsessing on weather or not he is going to relapse is not going to stop it from happening. It will just take me back to that hole that I just crawled out of.
I just wanted to post this to let you know miralces do happen. Things do get better but mostly you don't have live like most of us do. Life is too short to degrade ourselves by staying in these horrific abusive disfunctional relationships. If I knew now what I knew at the beginning of all of this (about 7 years ago or so) I would have never stuck around and put myself through all the crap I chose to put myself through. These days I'm worth a whole lot more than that. Yeah in the end I am with my recovering addict so I got what we all want more than anything but I know now that I would have been just as good without him as I am with him. I'm just thankful that it was god's will for us to be together...
Hugs everyone!!
Heather
I haven't posted a thread in a long while. Mostly cause these days are pretty uneventful compared to what they used to be like. A year ago my now soon to be husband had entered rehab after leaving once and broke up with me for someone he met in there and I thought my life was over. I literally had no hope left. I wanted to die much more than I wanted to live. After the years of him being gone night after night, him stealing our money, him cheating on me so many times that he probably even lost count, him mentally and physically abusing me and I was DEVISTATED that he broke up with me??!!
I can look back to not so long ago and see just how unbelievably sick I was. What I didn't realize then that I realize now is how our co-depency is so much like their addiction. Just like the addict has to want to get clean for themselves us codies have to want to get better for ourselves. It's within all of us. The question is weather or not we want to do it. The fear of loosing my addict was always far more powerful than my want to get better so I made the choice to stay in a situation that has forever changed the way that I look at life and the world in general. That combined with I think I got very comfortable playing the victim. I had played it for so many years that I think I let it define me.
It's been almost 10 months since he's been back at home and I started getting help for ME and I am finally at a place where I am starting to feel comfortable in my skin FOR ME. I have let go of the past and forgave him FOR ME not for him. I have started exercising. I get my hair and my nails done. I do things that make ME happy. That's the key... I know that what I do is on me and what he does is on him. Me obsessing on weather or not he is going to relapse is not going to stop it from happening. It will just take me back to that hole that I just crawled out of.
I just wanted to post this to let you know miralces do happen. Things do get better but mostly you don't have live like most of us do. Life is too short to degrade ourselves by staying in these horrific abusive disfunctional relationships. If I knew now what I knew at the beginning of all of this (about 7 years ago or so) I would have never stuck around and put myself through all the crap I chose to put myself through. These days I'm worth a whole lot more than that. Yeah in the end I am with my recovering addict so I got what we all want more than anything but I know now that I would have been just as good without him as I am with him. I'm just thankful that it was god's will for us to be together...
Hugs everyone!!
Heather
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Heather Thank you for sharing. I love the stories of hope, not only for the addict but for us codies too. I am happy for you and for your soon to be husband. Now you know that whatever he does you will make it. Isn't that a great feeling. Hugs, Marle
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Heather, I am so glad things are going well for you. I hope you keep coming back to share how your recovery is working and how you found your way to a better place. Happy endings are wonderful, but we want the whole story of how you found your light.
Huge Hugs and Congratulations to hubby, too.
Huge Hugs and Congratulations to hubby, too.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i agree with ann and marle, we hope that you continue to come here and share your esh with all of us. so glad to hear that things are going so well for you and your family. keeping you and yours in my prayers
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
it sounds as if you are doing good in your recovery.that is what real life is all about.doing things that make us feel better about ourselves,just being good to us.thanks for the post,keep coming back & keep growing.
Heather
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Somewhere between here and there
Posts: 26
Thanks for the replies... I think I kinda found "my light" by accident... It is within all of us. We need to love with ourselves again. We need to take care of ourselves like we would want someone to take care of us or like most of us take care of our addicts. For so many years I thought I was "trapped". There was a way out. I just didn't want to see it. I had to realize that I am a beautiful person that has people that I love very much in my life but they do not define me and they can take care of themselves just like I can take care of myself. At some point I stopped thinking of life as MY life and started thinking of it as OUR (mine & my addicts) life. But that isn't how it is. This is MY life to make it the best possible and as much as I love my recovering addict if he chose to go back out I would do what I could to help him but I would have boundaries and I would never allow him or myself to abuse me again. For me that's what it comes down to. I love myself above anyone or anything else and I take care of myself.
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