What the heck

Old 03-20-2007, 10:02 AM
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Standing at my crossroads
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What the heck

I just wrote out a whole emotional thread, just to have it disappear when I went to post it. I even told myself to copy it just in case, but no I hit the button to soon.

So now I don't want to write again, I guess just getting it out the first time will have to do. Basically, I was expressing how I keep disappointing myself. After having such a good day, that I don't have the strength to leave well enough alone. I end my day by leaving a crappy message on the exab phone, have a fight with my daughter about exab, and go to bed disgusted with myself.

I know it's a learning process, and I have been feeling good about my progress. I just want the set backs to become fewer and far betweeen. How do I quit disappointing myself?
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Old 03-20-2007, 10:56 AM
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Standing at my crossroads
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Maybe I'm really do myself a favor by sabotaging any kind of friendship with exab. As I was emailing my friend about his charming personality, stable income, nice truck, and his light social drinking/drugging habit, I wonder why I am so hung up on losing all that especially since he none of these things.

Okay, done with that whining and holding onto the negative. Yes it is a new day and my baby girl (15 yrs) is there for me no matter what. And I will do what it takes to keep the positive in our lives.
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:35 PM
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Tinkertrain, So many codies think what if their addict gets clean and then someone else gets them. My daughter is my addict and she has a crack addict for a boyfriend. The other day when I was talking to her she said the same thing. She does not love him, only with him for the drugs, but even she has said that she does not want anyone else to have him. Then she sees what a really weird thing that is. What would the other person be getting. Not much. So I guess that feeling is universal whether you are an addict or just a codie who loves one. Hugs, Marle
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Old 03-20-2007, 01:02 PM
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tinkertrain, what marle said is what helped me everytime i thought the same thoughts about my rah getting clean for someone else after i had done all the suffering. i decided to let what be, be. then i would not have to make the decision to get rid of him if he decided that he didn't want to stop using. then i decided that i didn't have to have my cake and eat it too. i had to escept the fact that if i didn't enable him then there was a possibility that somebody would, but that it didn't have to be forever.

a lot of addicts no matter how bad the situation, don't usually hang around the same people once they really decide to get clean, and i've noticed my rah would always resurface at some point maybe to see if i was still around just in case he needed some more of my enabling.
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Old 03-20-2007, 02:29 PM
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Standing at my crossroads
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The exab isn't clean or healthy right now. I am the only one who accepts him for what he is. My problem is sticking to my boundaries when it comes to him. I don't want to react. I want to surround myself with healthy, positive people and choices. I hate backsliding knowing he's controlling it.
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