new to forum...husband/opiate addiction
 

Hi...I am new to this...my husband of 10 years is addicted to opiates. It started with pain pills (Loritab, Percocet)...he would take them when I had a prescription (from having a baby or tooth problems) which was rare...nothing serious. The last 2 or 3 years, he started buying them from friends....this progressed to Oxy's which he stuck to for a long time. I knew he was taking them and he knew I was against it...he became addicted...he has been honest about taking them and methadone inbetween...he has been taking suboxone for about 2 months now and 2 days ago he decided to quit that as well...so I know FOR SURE that he hasn't taken any opiates since then...now, he has totally come clean to me about what has really been going on...he has been using heroin for months because that is cheaper...I feel like he has stabbed a knife through my chest! He was diluting it in water and sniffing it through a nasal spray bottle (I knew this, but he told me it was oxy's in the bottle and that it was a way for him to take way less of them)...he also cut it and snorted the powder...he promises that he never smoked it or injected it and I believe him...I am looking for advice on how to deal with this. He goes to bed right when he gets home and he has been so sick. He is drinking heavily. I feel so alone because we don't want anyone to know. He does have a friend that I love that has been through this and has been clean for 2 years, so I have been talking to him, but I still feel so alone. I guess I am just looking for someone to talk to that has been through this. I would appreciate any advice....thanks

Hi, lovehim4ever,

My addict is my son. His DOC was heroin, but he used many, many things. The withdrawal from any opiate is very similar, I believe. They get pretty sick. I had my son on suboxone off and on during his use and learned that he was often using it only when he couldn't get drugs.

My son started snorting it,then moved to injecting and ended up smoking it - if what he told me then and now is true. It is hard to know what is true at some times.

I am glad you found this forum. There is a lot of love and support here. No story is too awful to tell and no fear too great to share.

I am sending prayers up for you and your husband tonight.

Welcome to the forum! Sorry about the circumstances though.

There are many wonderful and wise people on this forum and I am sure they will give you the advice you need.

I will keep you and your husband in my prayers!

the addict in my life is my 22 yr old son, his DOC (drug of choice) is heroin.
he's been drug free now for 4 months.
he too started with percs then oxys then heroin. he has told me that they are all the same as far as the high and the detox and recovery, the heroin was just cheaper. it doesn't matter if you snort it shoot it or smoke it, it's all the same.
I too didn't want anyone to find out so my husband and I hid it from everyone for a very long time til I just couldn't take it anymore I needed help in my "making him stop". little did I know back then that I was just putting myself through hell, there was nothing I could do to stop him, I would drive around and find him make him get in the car and deep him in to detox himself (that would last 3 days) then one day he came to me and said I don't want to do this anymore, then and only then could I really help him,

so in telling you my story I hope you know that you're not alone here and there will be many many more people that will help you with their stories or advice from experience if you want it. my advice (and my opinion only) is try to remember that he has to get the help for himself, you can't push him and tell him what to do because it just won't work, he has to want it bad enough to do it, and perhaps be ready for some relapses. don't drive yourself crazy!! you're going to need your strength too.

good luck and I'll be praying for the two of you

Welcome to SR but sorry to hear about your husband. My husband is my addict too. His drug of choice is cocaine. I found out almost two years ago that he was using. I just moved this past weekend (not that this is the best choice for you). SR helped me find my way.

My only advice is to come here often, you will get great advice and support. Also, read the "stickies" at the top of the SR Forum page especially "What addicts Do" they are very helpful!

Prayers,
Tiffany

welcome lovehim, sorry that you are going through all of this, the addict in my life is my husband and his doc is crack. there are a lot of caring people here who want to walk with you through all of what you are going through. read around the board and get as much info as you can. stick around post as much as you want, we are all here for each other. i want to send you a hug and to let you know that you are not alone here. we all care. i will keep you and yours in my prayers.(((((((((lovehim4ever)))))))))

Welcome,

Not so easy to just walk away from an addiction. Is he attending meetings? Has he sought clinical help?

This won't just go away, and addict is an addict all their life, it just depends on whether they are active or not. The behavior is there, forever. Relapses are common.

Have you looked into meetings for you?

Keep posting, we are here for you.

Dolly

Lovehim,

Welcome to SR. I am so glad you are here.
This place has been such a blessing to me!!

I could have written your post about 4 years ago.

My exhusband's opiate addiction also started with pain pills and gradually progressed to heroin. I'm sure you are dealing with a whole bunch of different emotions...the biggest one is probably fear. I also remember feeling very alone...I didn't think anyone could possibly understand what I was going thru...and thats where SR became so important to me. Here, you'll find people who really 'get it'...That was a huge source of comfort to me when I stumbled into this place 2 years ago.

The biggest (and probably hardest) thing to understand is that your husband's addiction has NOTHING to do with you. There is nothing you can do or say to him to make him want to get clean. Its not a question of whether he loves you enough to quit using drugs. Its a question of whether he loves himself to want something better out of life. You've probably heard people say that an addict has to hit bottom before they can turn their life around and seek recovery. Well, I believe this is true. You can't love him into recovery...you can't force him there with threats and ultimatums...The only thing you can do is concentrate on protecting yourself from his drug use.

I remember at one point, when things were at their worst with my exah, a friend of mine (who happens to be a recovering alcoholic) told me that I was just as sick as my exah. Oh, I was angry at her for saying that!!! I wasn't an addict...I was the only sane person in our house...I was the responsible one...I was the one trying to keep our family afloat...Her words stung. But they were so true. Without realizing it, I had allowed my entire life to become consumed by HIS addiction. My every thought, emotion, decision, and prayer revolved around HIS recovery. My wellbeing, my needs, my dreams, ceased to matter. Once I realized how powerless I was to save my exah, I turned my thoughts and energy in a different direction...I started to work on myself. I put boundries in place to save me from further financial ruin over my exah's addiction...and I gradually made plans for my life that did not, in any way, rely upon my exah's recovery. It was only when I let go of HIS struggle that I was able to improve my situation. This change of direction doesn't happen overnight...its a process...but it can be done...one decision at a time.

What about you?
What are you doing to protect yourself?
What are you doing to reclaim control over your life?
You don't have to surrender yourself to his addiction...It doesn't have to consume your life... I learned alot here at SR about how to change things for the better in my life. I hope you will too.

Again, I'm glad you're here...
I hope you stick around...I look forward to walking this journey with you.

I am also new at this! My husband of 17 years, started using Lortabs which then progressed to IV Fentanyl, a drug he works with and handles EVERYDAY! I am a nurse and I never knew! He lied to me. Now, I see it and feel very guilty for not knowing. I just thought we were having marital problems. We have 3 kids and we have not told them. He has been out of rehab for 3 months. I have attended alanon meetings and read everyday. BUT the wall between us is so strong. I do not trust him. I found this weekend 2 cards from an old female friend with a present in his car. He was hiding it from me. After all of this.....now I wonder if he has been faithful. I know I must detach and seek my own happiness. I just feel that I am so alone and unworthy. i feel so depressed and tired of crying to my friends (even though I know they love me). I just can't find it in me to be happy.

Welcome lovehim
My 21 son is a recovering addict...From Oxy's...He also snorted them.
85 days clean today and I am very proud of his progress...It has to be your husband to make the decision...I think we all can say we knew, but we didn't want to know...If you know what I mean...and then they come to you and confirm it...It HURTS...Trust issues and all.
I will be praying for you and your husband.
Hugs,
Machele:ghug