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Terrified that I made a mistake....

Old 03-19-2007, 09:08 PM
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Terrified that I made a mistake....

Well, as I have shared we are most recently dealing with my sister and all the problems that her drinking and using have and are still causing. So as if it wasn't enough already that the two boyfriends were in jail and in ICU she just can't stop finding trouble.
She informs me tonight that she will be taking me up on the offer to move in with me, my husband and my three children (all of whom are under 5 and my most recent is one month old). When I very calmly yet simply said "Honey, I don't know if I am equipped to handle that." She tells me that I won't have to worry about her anymore and then turns her phone off.
We are very familiar with her suicide talk when she is bombed. But it always scares me to death. I am afraid to let her live with me. My husband has been clean for a year and three months, I don't think that we need her in our faces all the time. She swears that she will be sober while she is here but I can't believe that either. I can't handle another child, and the danger she brings to my children. I need someone to tell me that I did the right thing.

What if this is the time that she really does follow through and takes her life? How do I learn to just turn her off? Her disease is killing us, the people that love her more than she can ever know. We are all just frozen with fear. She lives in CLeveland, I am in Detroit.
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Old 03-19-2007, 09:21 PM
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i am so sorry that you are having to make this call, i can't tell you what to do,but i will say that you are right to be concerned about how this to effect your children, you and then your recovering husband. i know that its hard for you right now, but i think that its time for you to ask yourself a few questions and think long and hard about your answers.

if it wasn't for the threats, then i think maybe it would be a little easier for me to make somekind of suggestion, i'll have to pass on this one and pray a special prayer for you and your family.
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Old 03-19-2007, 09:21 PM
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sorry....I hate those suicide threats. Drives me out of my freanken mind,
and all those emotional roller coaster that comes with it.
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Old 03-19-2007, 09:47 PM
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What if this is the time that she really does follow through and takes her life? How do I learn to just turn her off? Her disease is killing us, the people that love her more than she can ever know.
She is in charge of her own life..... all the way in charge. I can't control her... and you can't, either.

Txsun is right, next time, call 911 and ask for an ambulance. A ride to the local psych ward (ours is at the local Catholic hospital) might stop threats that might be just "drama" and protect you if she is serious.

You made the right choice... she wants a safety net, but a safety net (in my experience) kept them just south of deciding to get sober. It was actually faster to NOT have the net in place.

You are a loving sister... and so is she, beneath the addiction. I pray she can find her way soon.

((hugs))
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Old 03-19-2007, 09:56 PM
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Thanks so much you guys. I love how supportive and honest everyone here is. Yeah, next time I will be calling the authorities in, Maybe when she wakes up cuffed to a bed she will think twice about taking me on one of her pity or guilt trips. I just want her back. We have already lost so much time and the kids are getting older and we just want her in our lives. All of her. I don't want to share her with the addictions any longer. And my children don;t need it. My husband works his programs so that my children would never have to suffer, i won't let my sister do it to them either.
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Old 03-20-2007, 05:49 AM
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(((Kim)))
Just wanted to say Hey!! And of course you did the right thing. Your priority has to be those children....and sounds like they are. So even if the worst were to happen. You would have protected them from perhaps seeing that in your very own home.

Good boundaries!! Stick to em!!!
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