What to do......

Old 03-19-2007, 03:44 PM
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On a Wing and a Prayer
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What to do......

AD took 29 pills last weekend and shot heroin. She was not trying to kill herself. Last Monday, she checked herself into detox and told me that she truly wanted to get help. So, I found a program in NY and told her all about it. She said she really wanted to go. I put down $1000 non-refundable deposit on Saturday and told her. She was happy and said that it was time for her to do it. Well, she checked herself out of detox yesterday afternoon and is now out on the streets using again. Found this out from a friend of mine who said she showed up at her house last night high. Friend asked her to leave and AD called some guy who picked her up. I haven't heard from her. What to do when I do???
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Old 03-19-2007, 03:59 PM
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Hello webhostgirl - My daughter also Addicted - it is heartbreaking isn't it - my daughter just back on a meth program but she was using this weekend too also ripping her house apart looking for the camera filming her. I'm emotionless right now and was only staying with her because she was so scared but I must leave her to cope on her on - which is terrifying - we must admit we are helpless.
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Old 03-19-2007, 04:31 PM
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I did the same thing with my as last year. Checked him into a detox and put $500 down. He did stay for a week, but when his girfriend wrote him a letter to tell him she was breaking up with him, he left and went straight to her house. Of course, she wasn't home, so he called me to pick him up. When I look back, I should have left him there. Now a year later, we had to throw him out. I'm not spending another dime. It's up to him now.

My thoughts are with you.
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Old 03-19-2007, 04:45 PM
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My son is the addict. I just don't understand why our children do this to themselves.
I know how it hurts. They must make their own choices though as hard as that is.
I wish you all the peace in the world.
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Old 03-19-2007, 05:09 PM
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Is she an adult? If so, she must be allowed to be responsible for herself, for her actions.

If she truly wants recovery she will seek it on her own and follow through, for her, not you, not anyone else.

Trying to solve her problems for her is not the answer, in fact, in most cases
enabling only delays recovery.

As hard as it may be, she must fall to her knees before she can have a chance to stand back up...and she must do it on her own.

You are in my prayers.
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Old 03-19-2007, 05:34 PM
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sorry that you had to go through all of this, sounds like your daughter is not quite ready, you probably have done all you know to do to help her, now it maybe time for you to take a step back and allow her to help herself. keeping you and your daughter in my prayers, i pray that she find her way soon.
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Old 03-19-2007, 06:06 PM
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I'm sorry for your pain & frustration right now. She may not be quite ready. Where my AD has been 4 times now for detox does not require a deposite. The addict has to do a phone interview and wait for an available bed. We just used our insurence. But that didn't pay for the whole thing. There is not a charge after the insurence. If you don't have insurence there is still no charge. It is not a medical detox. But it is right accross the street from a hospital. You are monitored while detoxing. Just not given drugs to ease it. It is not a bad place. You can't stay past I forgot...20 days??? They do everything they can to hang on to someone waiting for another program.
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Old 03-19-2007, 06:13 PM
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Hi Web,
I had many failed attempts at getting through to my son.
When he finally accepted help, it really wasn't what I did or said, more I think what I didn't do.
I didn't talk it out (again)
I didn't bargain (again)
I didn't beg (again)
And I didn't believe his words any longer. If he wanted help and wanted to get better, he had to take the help being offered.

He had a place to county bed had opened. He had the choice to take the bed or leave my home.
I am very very grateful that he chose to take the bed.

You've done what you could...tried to secure a place.
The place may take her back (each has different rules) given little time has passed and "running" is not unusual in the first attempt.

Tell her you love her. Stand your ground. Give a few hundred prayers to your HP and hers.

Thats the best I can offer

Oh, that and my prayers for you and your daughter

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Old 03-19-2007, 06:19 PM
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Let go and let your HP take the wheel, webhostgirl....that is all you can do.
My hugs and prayers to you.
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Old 03-19-2007, 06:21 PM
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My AD has been to rehab once but recently told me that she had no intention of quitting when she went there. It was more to keep us helping her out with college, bills, etc. That was about a year and a half ago. Since then she has had about three months clean time altogether. She has been deep into opiates since June. This time we have not given her any help at all. The problem is that her boyfriend is a crack addict and has the ability to make money whenever he feels like working. His boss knows that he is an addict and doesn't care as long as he brings in money. His mother also enables him. So since he buys my daughter all the drugs she wants, there is not much incentive for her to want to quit. She has told me that she wants to go to rehab and I have given her numbers. I figure that when she is ready she will make the call. I believe that she is ambivalent right now, knows her life is in the sh*tter but not yet ready to let go of her love of opiates. So I pray for her everyday and give her to God and let Him watch over her. That is really all you can do, love them and pray that they will make it. Hugs, Marle
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Old 03-19-2007, 07:16 PM
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I have been there. My daughter ended up with guns going off, her abf medivaced to tampa, and when I got there [baseball bat in hand ], she was surrounded by 5 police officers, covered in blood, and high as a kite. She was 25, she looked 35, she was filthy and stunk. I took her home, they have detox here also, waited 2 days for a bed to open, took her there, and left. When she was released 5 days later, she wanted to come home, there was no home for her anymore, she went to the salvation army shelter, I went down once a week and we had dinner together. She worked, saved, got an apartment[while in detox, found she was a month pregnant], and in her 9th month, was allowed to come back. When I stopped saving her, and let her stay on the street, she got it...Alanon was there for me and did give me the tools to use....god bless you............
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Old 03-19-2007, 07:21 PM
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I really have no advice but I do have prayers to offer and to let you know you are not alone.May you find peace....
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Old 03-19-2007, 07:50 PM
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I'm so sorry for what is going on with your daughter.
Just wanted to remind you, your not alone.
We're here for ya,
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Old 03-19-2007, 10:00 PM
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I haven't heard from her. What to do when I do???
Why not wait and see what the situation is? Perhaps the next time you see her, it will be obvious what to do.

I think you did learn an important lesson, though... don't "front" money to an addict... not for anything, unless you truly give it as a gift with no expectations.

I paid for rehabs for my kids, and my daughter came close to getting kicked out of one, got kicked out of another and got asked to leave both a recovery house and an Oxford house. The first rehab was covered by insurance, as was the recovery house... but the others cost me some money.

But what I had learned from others, was that the money *I* paid was for ME... for MY peace of mind. It was a gift - freely given. I had high hopes for a good outcome, but did not really have any expectations about THAT money (other money for other reasons, I did).

Today's expectations are tomorrow's resentments.

This struck a note with me. If I have strong ideas about OUTCOMES, I often end up disappointed and with some big resentments toward the addict. But if I go into a deal with an open mind about outcomes... leaving it up to a Higher Power, or the Universe or whatever... then, no matter what happens, I feel ok generally.

I hope this helps.
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Old 03-19-2007, 10:28 PM
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no advice--just sorry for your pain and wishing you the best
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Old 03-20-2007, 06:24 AM
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*todays expectations are tomorrows resentments*

that is so true - if we don't expect anything from anyone besides ourselves we can't resent them than can we? - wow - what a lightbulb moment - thank you...

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Old 03-20-2007, 06:38 AM
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let it grow!
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hello webhostgirl,

i feel so bad for you and your daughter. addiction is a horrible disease. please take good care of yourself. and don't lose hope. blessings, k
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