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When did you realize you weren't crazy?

Old 03-19-2007, 04:41 PM
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When did you realize you weren't crazy?

Just wondering if anyone else had their significant others trying to convince you that you were the one who was paranoid and over reacting or imagining things and that they were not addicted to anything? My bf used to do that to me for a year and for a year I was naive and actually believed he didn't desereve the constant questioning and acccusing.

He is using this as a way I have been told of deflecting the attention from him and his addiction...to make me look like the bad guy..His mother even emailed me to say "we are not upset with you for contacting us,", like I enjoyed calling them to say their son needed help.

His mother also said at the end of her email.."a relationship not based on tust is really not a relationship at all..", boy are they in denial. Maybe when he OD's or has people coming to their door looking for money, they will stop thinking I was crazy. anyone else have similar situations??
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Old 03-19-2007, 04:48 PM
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This has been the way my AH has acted from day 1 when I asked him any sort of question he didn't like. He still does it, he did it just today. It is so mean because it makes us all feel so crazy. I can't answer when did I realize I wasn't crazy, because just earlier today I bought into his "you're the one with the problem" bit. At least I recognize it better today. He used to say this to me while I was holding his drug paraphenelia in my hands and sometimes I would believe his lies then!!!! Hope others post and have happy endings! Thanks for the post.
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Old 03-19-2007, 05:27 PM
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it wasn't until i got here, did i find out that i was not crazy. i had gone to mental health clinics and called mentally hotlines more times than i want to admit, thinking that i had to have been mentally ill. now i don't believe anything he tells me, good or bad, and thats sad too in a way.

i just could not believe that there were others that had gone through the same thing as i had but oh boy what a relief it was to find out that it wasn't me.
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Old 03-19-2007, 05:41 PM
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WOW!!
Thanks for this post- I really needed it today.
For two entire months I felt disconnected from my bf. Previously we had had a very close relationship- connected. Suddenly he pulled away. He had violent mood swings and kept denying the fact that anything was different, making it out to be as though it was my overwhelming insecurities that was causing me to feel as though things were different.
So as is typical of me- I assumed that he was right- that the malfunctioning lied in me, that I was too codependent, too needy, too unheathily attached to him- I was the one lacking. I turned this entire change inward and I went through a tremendous amount of physical (near anxiety attacks) and emotional pain attempting to "right" myself.
I'm still trying to give myself the validation that I deserve someone to make me happy. It's amazing how putting up with less than we deserve brainwashes us to believe we deserve that.
I am sad to say I could not validate this ill feeling of something being "wrong" myself. I had to have a friend of my bf's bring me into awareness. I had to have one of my best friends listen to a voicemail he left on my phone and tell me he was slurring- as an outsider's observation. I had to google "signs of heroin use" on the internet to alert me that the physical symptoms he was exhibiting were not "just because he was tired."

I feel VERY betrayed and often I am angry at myself for letting him back into my life so quickly when he put me through a tremendous amount of pain. I sometimes wonder if I am blaming the addiction when I should be blaming the person- if I am being naive. I'm still very new to this- learning that there is a better way to live than thinking I am unworthy of many things and that there is a way to love myself.

I am still doubting things now. I am truly learning though that this is a disease - esp the codependency part- I have truthfully always believed I was born - too complex and complicated and naturally flawed and undeserving.
One thing it did show me was that in more ways than one I can trust my gut feelings- that somewhere inside of me is a wise woman.
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Old 03-19-2007, 05:51 PM
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You mean I'm NOT???



Shalom!
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Old 03-19-2007, 05:52 PM
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I knew I wasn't crazy when I finally learned the truth about what XABF was really doing.
When I learned taht most of everything he said was a lie.. there was not a single thing in 6 years I could say to day was true I knew I was fine.

I was sad but I was fine.
I am angry today but I know it will pass and I will be fine.

He won't be fine. Not my problem.
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Old 03-19-2007, 05:56 PM
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I am so glad to hear that we are not alone. I too felt and still feel those things even though I have not seen my bf or spoken to him in 3 weeks. I too experienced my bf going through mood swings..he was simply not the person I knew for 6 years. It is frustrating as hell to keep going through the same arguments and fights not to mention exhausting.

In my case, I look back and know that after the first time I saw the drugs in my parents house, things had changed for us. I could not believe what he was doing. Then came the accusations and making me feel guilty and crazy for not believing the man I loved. Now I think, how could I believe he could use the coke occasionally? How is that possible? My friends keep telling me to not beat myself up.

After having read these few posts it has made me think, the disease, the addiction is making the people we love respond to us and treat us in the exact same horrible way. I know for myself, it will be a long process to learn to have more respect for myself, and I am on my way by not chasing after him.
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Old 03-19-2007, 05:59 PM
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I knew I wasn't crazy, when he had himself arrested....Duh, who's crazy, not me!
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Old 03-19-2007, 06:15 PM
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Holy schnoly.... what am I going to do now, since the secret
is out that I'm not crazy.
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Old 03-19-2007, 07:33 PM
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I knew that I was not crazy when my daughter was willing to give up everything and everyone she loved to be with a crack addict that was 17 years older than she was. That was when I finally admitted that she was an addict and that I had to stop enabling and believing her lies. That was when I found SR and started the miracle of recovery. Hugs, Marle
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Old 03-19-2007, 07:42 PM
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are u kidding lolol
i still think im crazy sometimes lol
well i think no one is crazy,,, i actually even belivehe peopel that are in mental health places are very speciall and they just know toomuch and cant tolerate the heaviness of it..
bu before finindg this board i used tothink im TOO MUCH,, AND THAT IM ALONE IN IT,, SO GOOD TO KNOW IM NOT ALONE
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Old 03-19-2007, 07:52 PM
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Uugh! The things they put us through!! lol

Anyway, I think when I finally found this site, I realized I was NOT crazy. I cannot believe addicts lead us to believe we are crazy and to think we actually start believing "them". It seems as though most of us are pretty strong people and to take that away from us.................uughh! I tell ya!!

Needless to say, I know I'm not crazy and neither are any of us here!!

Hang in there, I promise things do get better!!!

Jen
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Old 03-19-2007, 08:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Jen View Post
....and neither are any of us here!!
Um, wait. Does that include me too? What about my pet rhino?

No, but seriously, I realized I wasn't crazy just as soon as I started spending time with other people who had survived loved ones' addictions. It was like all addicts read from the same playbook or something......"It's not me! It's YOU who's crazy/paranoid/wrong/critical/whatever". See "Things that drive you crazy living with an addict" for a more complete listing of crazy-making behaviors. All so familiar!

Take care,
GL
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Old 03-19-2007, 08:27 PM
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Well I knew all along I wasn't, but yes, he tried and is still trying to convince me otherwise. Although through all of this I had to be put on anti-depressants, of course he rationalized by saying yes you need to be on SOMETHING. You sleep too much, you go to bed so early, you don't talk to me anymore, you've shut me out... And I would literally tell him THESE ARE THE SIGNS OF HOW ADDICTION EFFECTS THE FAMILY! Funny how he wouldn't take responsibility for it. Anyway, now he's going to have to be responsible for himself because I'm not there to catch him! And fyi: I have always maintained that it's ok for people to think you're a little crazy. It keeps them on their toes! Have a lovely night!
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Old 03-20-2007, 04:24 AM
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Greatgirl-

Thanks for posting this! I can't even count how many times my AH has called me crazy. everytime I asked a question about his addiction or where he had been and he would say "oh, your just crazy." I would say, "no, you make me FEEL crazy."

Well I found out I wasn't crazy and that he was just an addict quack, quack, quacking! : )
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Old 03-20-2007, 06:28 AM
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greatgirl,
Oh yes.....the ole you're sick and twisted phrase. I loved that one along with the projection with things like calling me the "Cokehead". I agree with all the everyone here had to say. The moment we realize we're not crazy is the moment we realize that what the As say to us is just themselves denying their own problems. Because most of them know us so well, they know exactly how to push our buttons if we let them. They will prey on or vulnerabilities and throw in a little bit of realism by pointing out a flaw in ourselves(which is absolute ok because we are all human) and that is their attempt to make the redirection legitimate. When we realize this, ha, the game is over, and it is quite empowering to know that when they quack the way they all do, that it is just the games addicts play but we don't have to play them or let them play us anymore.
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Old 03-20-2007, 06:39 AM
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I think I always knew I wasn't crazy, but sure he made me always think I was. There were times I actually felt bad for questioning him!

I think when I found this site it help so much, I really wish I found it earlier. When I started reading what everyone else wrote. I was "wow I am not crazy, people are going thru what I am"!

He would ALWAYS turn things around to me - I couldn't stand it.
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Old 03-20-2007, 07:28 AM
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I too came to the realization that I was not the crazy one my AH made me out to be when I found this forum.

My AH is currently working on detoxing the past 2 months and quit drinking 5 months ago. During the time he was drinking and using, if I ever questioned him about anything he would either; 1. Tell me I wasn't his mother and it was not my responsibility. 2. Lie 3. Blame me, it was my fault that he need to use. That one always made me laugh, which really made him mad. 4. And of course, say I was crazy and he didn't have a problem. 5. Oh, yeah, and he would point out everyone of my flaws and repeatedly tell me about them sometimes for hours at a time.

As you can figure, I found it easier to not question him.

Reading everyone's stories made me realize that I needed to take some positive action for myself and my children's sake and stop ignoring his problem. I decided it would was time to talk to the kids about it, I felt they should know why their dad is so up and down with his moods, etc. I was very careful not to attack their dad personally and just point out that he had an illness right now because of his overuse of the prescriptions he was taking and the alcohol. I wanted them to know that they could come to me if they ever had questions or were scared, etc. Well, midway through our talk my son tells me that he doesn't know who to believe now because his dad told them that I was going through a midlife crises and was not emotionally stable.

That pretty much sealed the 'You're not crazy after all' deal for me.
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Old 03-20-2007, 07:35 AM
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[QUOTE=historyteach;1254497]You mean I'm NOT???

QUOTE]


Okay before I saw your post I was going to say that.
I dont entirely think Im not crazy as i see the depth of my codependency and childhood baggage. However I know longer fall for the manipulation from my AH.

I figured this out about 18 months ago when i started counseling to deal with him. It was a rough ride through my issues origin, and I still definately have days. Learning about me was much easier since he was in rehab for several months at that time, so it was like we were learning about ourselves together.
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Old 03-20-2007, 07:37 AM
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Originally Posted by doneforsure View Post
greatgirl,
Oh yes.....the ole you're sick and twisted phrase. I loved that one along with the projection with things like calling me the "Cokehead". .

Thanks for that doneforsure. Ive often been accused of being drunk or high, when he acttually was and thinking he was hiding it.
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