Moving past suspicion

Old 03-18-2007, 06:35 AM
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Moving past suspicion

Ok, I have a question: How do you move past the stage where you quit examining EVERYTHING your addict says or does???? I am a lot better than when I came here more than a month ago when my RAH went into rehab, but I am having a hard time with this: Like, right now it's allergy season here, and he has ALWAYS had allergies (gets the shots), but I'm like thinking to myself "his nose is a little runny....what does that mean?" or " he's yawning....what does THAT mean?" (and this right after he woke up at 7:30 in the a.m. on his own accord). OR constantly looking at his pupils, etc. etc. etc. I KNOW this is driving him crazy even though he doesn't really say anything about it, like "Why are you looking at me all the time?" etc.
Oh Yeah, and while I'm at it, I wanted to say how much I love this forum and how invaluable it has been to me!! I so much appreciate each and every one of you and hope that the support and advice I give is good for you guys too!!
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Old 03-18-2007, 06:49 AM
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Originally Posted by tropikgal2 View Post
Ok, I have a question: How do you move past the stage where you quit examining EVERYTHING your addict says or does????!!
i know that you think that it will drive him crazy but this is the kind of behavior that almost drove me crazy. i had to make a conscience decision that i just didn't have to know, and changed the thought everytime i had one that said i did. time will tell you what you need to know. i think that maybe its time for you to take the focus off of him and what he's doing/gonna do and put it completely on you and what you're gonna do to make your life easier. maybe go to more meetings if you can, it helps. still praying for ya.
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Old 03-18-2007, 07:32 AM
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Thanks Teke, You always say the right thing. I think the fact that you have a perspective from both sides is definitely helpful.
Last night we went to an outdoor party at our friend's motorcycle shop and of course I was a bit nervous because this was our first foray into a public gathering since he's been out of the hospital, but it went well and it was good to see "normal" people we hadn't seen in a while.
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Old 03-18-2007, 02:54 PM
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that will try YOU ceazy...how do u let go? what works for me, is that i surrender "him" over to his H.P.& i work my program a little bit harder.i know there is nothing i can do to keep my a.s. from using...nothing.do something good for you & relax.
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Old 03-18-2007, 03:42 PM
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I know exactly what you mean. I do the same thing all the time. I even listen at his voice when we are taliking on the phone just to see if it sounds different. I try to not look for things like that but it is very hard not too. I drive myself insane. He even says to me why are you looking at me so funny or why are you staring at me? The scary thing for me I know as long as I stay with him I will always be like this. Always looking! I hope things get better for you.
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Old 03-18-2007, 04:02 PM
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yes it happens tome too,, especially the voce,, from the ay he taks i can know,,..but right now itry not to worry,, and concentrate on me and the kids.
so tihs is the thing
its very easy to ruins the trust,, takes lots of work to build it.
but i think this way,,
its better to get burn than not to feel the heat at all,,.. thats why i try to trust and if i get lied to,, i take the conscuences,,,,.but livinga nd not trustiing all the time will change me,, toomuch already changed,, thats why just let itgo,,,

thats what imean,, just let itgo,, and i know its hard im wokringon it but it doesnt make any good when we worry so might as well not hink toomuch.
praying foru and *** ofus.
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Old 03-19-2007, 03:01 PM
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oh my gosh this is me too....constantly doubting everything he says and the runny nose and the change in voice...looking in his eyes...if he grinds his teeth. I have taken myself out of the situation right now and can sleep better at night knowing I don't have to wake up tomorrow and go through all the questions in my head all over again..
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Old 03-19-2007, 03:38 PM
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I am actually struggling with this situation right now.
By nature I am an extremely black and white person. I am apt to view things in extremes hence, either believing or being completely paranoid/suspicious. I denied signs of his use for months until a girlfriend told me he was slurring in a message and I finally woke up. It was difficult because I turned most of those suspicions inward and began to feel crappy about myself- that he didn't love me as much anymore or did not want to be as close to me-- but i should have listened to the nagging feeling.

I think it is important to learn to trust our intuition to be able to work on ourselves enough to know when something just isn't RIGHT. Your scrutinizing every move is just a protective mechanism for yourself.
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Old 03-19-2007, 04:08 PM
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Yes is that ever true. I wish I had trusted my gut a long time ago.
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Old 03-19-2007, 04:50 PM
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My situation is I am divorced, but I still see my ex ah.
I always know if he's acting different. I don't have to be suspicious, because years of experience tells me what's what.
The obsessing is not an option for me because it makes me insane.
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