Letting Go
 

I have only just joined the board as of last night and my boyfriend has only been in rehab overnight, but I am having an incredibly difficult time letting go.
I am obsessively worrying about so many different things- if he will get better, if he will still love me, if he has ever been the person I have known him to be...
I switch back and forth between anger at his lying and deceit and than bottomless sadness at the entire situation and my inability to do anything about it. I am not sure why this letting go is so incredibly difficult. Maybe I do not trust myself enough? Any suggestions or kind words would be greatly helpful.
The board thus far has been incredibly amazing. Most of these concepts are still new to me and allowing myself to believe I deserve to have boundaries and to ask for what I need in a relationship are still a bit shaky.

welcome, hkangel, nice to meet you. congrats to you for reaching out and to your boyfriend for going to rehab - great steps.

my daughter went to rehab last fall for alcohol/cocaine addiction. it's a scary time, i understand. i go to alanon meetings and get some private counseling.

for me personally, most of my anger is based in fear. if i let go of the fear, the anger goes away.

remember this about your boyfriend's disease - you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you cannot control it. those are the 3 c's in alanon. there's a 4th c - and that one is about choice. you have choices as to how you allow his addiction to control you and your actions/decisions.

take good care of yourself, and keep posting. meanwhile, prayers to you and your boyfriend for a rewarding recovery.

blessings, k

sorry hk that you are having trouble, i know its sounds all so overwhelming, but it does get better. first, try to take some deep breathes, then its time to find something that you may like to do, to keep your mind occupied. do what ever you can to block out those negative obssessive thoughts, change them as they come to mind into positive ones. praying, reading out loud to myself, singing my favorite song, or cleaning closets, use to help me to keep my mind busy in stead of allowing those thoughts to invade my thinking.

try not to worry, its common to have those thoughts. it takes time and a little practice, but it does get better. alanon and naranon, meetings for families of the addicted, helps a lot too. maybe you can search your area for one or two. have you read the stickies at the top of the forum, good info there too.

your husband is in a good place, no need to trouble yourself just yet about what he may do later, right now, he's probably too busy trying to figure out how to not use drugs and hopefully learning valuable tools that he will need to keep it up. try not to look so far into the future, try to stay focused on this day, and let tomorrow take care of it self. one day at a time, you will get through this.

boundaries are just decision you make for yourself about what you are willing to live with concerning his addictive behavior. keeping you and your husband in my prayers.

Hang in there, Hugs to you.
Your feelings are overwhelming! Try to think about you getting better and your peace. Let God take care of him, I have been given such good advise at the board. I will pray for you and him that the process will be okay. He will be okay if he stays in treatment and continues down the path of recovery. Yes you should have your boundaries for YOU.. Remember you have to recover also. One day at a time, one step at a time..